


Barbie

by orphan_account



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-23
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-14 22:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 65,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Logan Mitchell just wanted to be wanted, to feel loved and feel beautiful. But after all, beauty is only skin deep and there's so much more underneath the surface that Logan had to face when he looked in the mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Big Time Bang](http://bigtimebang.livejournal.com/) with amazing art pieces done by [anguishofmylove](http://anguishofmylove.livejournal.com/7153.html)

There wasn't a single day that went that Logan Mitchell wouldn't look up into the big blue sky and wondered what life would be like if he walked in the shoes of someone else. He always wondered if somewhere, someone was living the life he wanted to be living, always thinking that maybe he shouldn't have been born the son of a librarian and a real estate agent, the baby of two elder siblings. He wondered and fantasized what it would be like to become more than who he was now, maybe someone famous, maybe someone well-respected, a leader of society. But those little dreams of his would always be shut down by his own mind and with a blush on his cheeks, a shake of his head saying no, this was who he was meant to be.

Just a normal, quiet boy.

But he wouldn't want to change for the world.

* * *

Logan was not of tall stature like the other boys at his school. His legs short while the others towered over him to speak to the prettiest girls in school, their eyes looking through Logan. His skin was fair, flushed red at the slightly embarrassing or nerve-wracking moments the boy so often faced, and only flushed more when his heart began to thud in his chest whenever he passed by the table of popular students and wondered if someway, somehow he was in their peripheral vision. Or if he was just an unnoticeable blur, he wasn't sure.

It was when he was fifteen that he needed glasses to read, that inner feeling of self-worth lowering whenever he had to tug on the thick black framed spectacles to read aloud a passage and slump in his seat afterwards in embarrassment. It was when he was sixteen when Logan needed to have braces placed on his teeth, just for a year or so to give him some even white teeth. But the horrid embarrassment of smiling to someone, talking and letting the rows of teeth be shown with some garish metal wire going across them made Logan almost keep his lips shut for most of Junior year, only speaking when absolutely no other option was allowed.

Beauty was farthest from Logan's mind whenever he looked into the mirror and tried to smile, his lips uncomfortable and his mouth in pain, his cheeks rosy and eyes a mud brown.

Seventeen, Logan had the braces taken off and was able to get more subtle frames. He bulked up in muscle, just a bit but still rather scrawny and mousy. His quiet demeanor remained, sticking to his studies and his tests and homework in the library, instead of sitting outside listening about what someone was doing with who, and who those people were going to fight, and how many friends did that person have. Logan could count on his fingers how many people he considered close to him, but still not close enough to talk to each other over the phone or invite each other out to go to different places and hang out. Logan wasn't even sure if he exchanged words with these acquaintances through the halls of the bland and grey high school. High school itself was just a blur, no eventful moments, no wonderful memories, no faces Logan held onto.

Well, there was one.

Logan was quiet, he was shy, and he was in love. But it wasn't with the girls that neglected him, that ignored his presence with a swift flip of their long hair and smells of sweet bubble-gum soaps lingering in the tresses. It was with that one boy on the cross country team, tall and lean with a bright smile, greatly contrasting against his tanned skin. Logan couldn't remember the boy's name now, a repressed memory most likely but for sure remembered the countless times he sat at a desk in the library, not working on algorithms, but drawing the boy's name over and over again in different styles. He often tried to just confirm his sexuality, Logan always trying to stare at a girl longer than needed, and tried to muster up nerves to talk to one. Homosexuality wouldn't be attractive to that boy on the cross country team, Logan already had that presence of a boring, timid wallflower, but gay as well? Not at all, it wasn't going to work at all. He tried to sound like he knew what he was talking about when he had the chance to talk to the boy after he was done with practice, talk about the cute girls in their class, the funny ones down in choir, the easy and slutty ones by the bathrooms and the shy ones in the library.

Turned out shy was just the boy's type.

The talks grew into conversations over the phone, conversations over some popcorn and feet propped up on the old coffee table in Logan's living room, conversations while the boy took Logan out to join him in his morning jogs. And every time Logan tried to be subtle about his sexuality, slowly letting it slip by that he wasn't as eagerly into girls as he tried to make himself out to be. Tried to be slow, tried not to scare him away, because those conversations and those moments were just so amazing to Logan, his heart never beating as when he was around the boy and seeing him smile at him so bright. Logan felt. . .loved. Like he was cared for, and someone enjoyed having him around for the person he truly was, not based on how he looked.

* * *

On one late night, with Logan's parents out for the evening at some fancy concert and Logan having permission to invite the boy over to keep him company, the two boys were on the couch spending their time together as usual was when the question was popped. When the boy mentioned how he was curious about boys and if it would be nice to date a boy instead of dating a girl. The boy took Logan's chin and brought the boy close to him, kissing him gently to see if a boy would taste as good as a girl and his tongue licked and nipped all along Logan's lips and the wet contours of Logan's mouth. His fingers were all over Logan's skin, touching the boy and hands roaming over his stomach, over his chest and legs, the boy's curiosity and interest and desire growing more into just a simple kiss. And Logan didn't want him to stop at all, letting the boy unbutton his shirt, take off his pants and underwear, kiss each other and let mouths roam each other's bodies and Logan's lips brushing against places his lips never been before, heart beating fast with excitement and body shaking in nerves and in the boy's arms.

That was where Logan lost his virginity, on his living room couch with body aching, red and small traces of blood on his thighs.

Logan's parents never found out about what their son did when they weren't looking, and Logan still doesn't think they ever will. There was no trace of it, no evidence and the boy gone home before they could catch the two of them together and catch the goodbye kiss Logan received on his lips. Though his body ached and he had a troubled gait, Logan slept well that night with a smile on his face and happy dreams about him and the boy together. Love maybe? Logan wasn't sure but there was something there and he didn't want to ever let it go. Someone actually thought of him more than just some nobody. He mattered to someone, he _mattered_.

That was all Logan really wanted, to matter.

* * *

Monday morning came and Logan got up bright and early, hair brushed and teeth bright white. His clothes were clean and well kept, shoes unscuffed and eyes happy when he left for school, determined to find the boy and ask for them to go steady. They were friends, now that they slept together, it's only fair for them to go to the next level and be official. His heart thudded at the thought of having a boyfriend, someone to walk down the halls with and eat lunch with and get to go behind the trees in the quad for a quick little kissing session just like everyone else had. His smile was growing brighter and brighter, his step lighter and lighter like he was walking on air, nothing was going to go wrong!

Then Logan saw the boy by the lockers, a small petite girl in his arms and softly kissing her as he held her against his locker door, trapped in their own world and not even noticing how Logan stopped dead in his tracks and his heart felt like it was being squeezed too tight for him to breath. Of course. . .the boy was curious, not _serious_. And Logan turned away, quickly walking away from the two teens by the locker with eyes kept down for the rest of the day. No one ever found out Logan and him slept together, Logan certainly not saying anything out of humiliation for himself to give his body away so easily, and the boy not saying anything possibly to make sure the impression of him being gay for even one night never came out. Logan was alone, Logan was plain, and every time he looked in the mirror his fingernails went to his cheeks to give a light scratch, wishing that somehow that boy could see in Logan what he saw in that girl. Why? Why wasn't he _good enough?_ Good enough to be asked out on a date, good enough to want to hang around with, good enough to be cool and popular and everyone's best friend?

Why couldn't he just be someone else?

* * *

The cars were loud, honking and horns blaring left and right as he exited from the train station, taking his first breath of New York City air that flowed through his nose and exited through his mouth. Twenty two now, all on his own with everything left behind back home. His grip on the two suitcases he brought with him tightened as he took in a deep breath and made his first few quick paced steps down the street to the agency. Hopefully he wasn't late. He already knew that he couldn't stop by the penthouse complex to drop off his things, he didn't know what kind of person he had to deal with at the modeling agency and for one thing didn't want to disappoint them with tardiness.

His heart thudded. Three weeks ago he was carrying flapjacks and pouring coffee for some obnoxious, some pleasant patrons in a rusty old diner close by his home, not expecting much to happen to him other than maybe a surprisingly large tip. And one of the women he was serving was there in Dallas for a business trip with skin dark and eyes bright and kind while he poured her coffee and took her order. Most of the times when Logan came to check on her before her food was ready, the woman would stare up into his face and study him, Logan feel self\\-conscious and silently wishing the woman wouldn't look at him that way whenever he was trying to get her sugar or cream. By the time he delivered her breakfast meal, she asked him to sit down and talk, Logan not sure why until she introduced herself.

* * *

“ _Hello, my name is Kelly Wainwright, agent for Rocque?” she asked and Logan only gave a slow nod of his head, looking around to make sure his boss didn't see him taking a break when it wasn't time. She gave a small smile, “Don't worry, I told your boss I wanted to talk to you. . .may I ask what your name is?”_

_Logan turned back, facing the woman with a small blush as he averted his eyes down to her freshly manicured nails, staring at the white tips of her nails as he mumbled, “Logan. Logan Mitchell.”_

“ _Logan Mitchell. . .you're very handsome, Logan Mitchell,” she complimented and Logan looked up at her with bright and surprised eyes, not sure of what to say to that and only looked down at the table again._

“ _Oh. . .thank you.”_

“ _You must get that a lot though.”_

“ _Actually, no miss. . .it's been a while since I've heard that from someone other than my own family members.” Ms. Wainwright looked almost surprised by that fact, her eyebrow raising as she took her toast and had a bite._

“ _Is that so?” she asked when she swallowed, “I wouldn't think so. You have very nice eyes and a gorgeous smile.”_

“ _Oh. . .well, I_ _ **did**_ _had braces when I was younger. . .and well, I'm wearing clear contacts so maybe it enhances my eyes-”_

“ _I guessed maybe contacts, but if you say they're clear, then they are a_ _ **very**_ _beautiful shade of brown. . .and those dimples of yours,” she gave a small smile accompanied with a laugh, “simply_ _ **darling**_ _.”_

_Logan blushed, giving a sheepish smile and no doubt those darling dimples of his were showing in his cheeks. She reached out a hand to hold onto Logan's, eyes holding now business and professionalism. “Tell me, have you ever thought about modeling?”_

_Logan's eyes widened. Modeling? Of course he hasn't thought about something like that, deeming himself to be too short, too homely, too_ _**not** _ _model to be a model, and his lips let out an embarrassed laugh. “No, no of course not. I can't possibly be a model.”_

“ _Well why can't you?” she asked and Logan bit his lower lip. Clearly if she didn't see it already, it would be difficult to explain to her just what were his reasons. Logan took in a small breath, “Well. . .I'm too short to be a model.”_

“ _Oh that's a silly reason, Rocque has a good selection of petite models for both men and women.”_

“ _I'm too homely.”_

“ _Homely? Not at all. You have a freshness about you, unfabricated, a natural handsomeness if I do say so myself, and I know my boss will absolutely_ _ **love**_ _to see you in person.”_

_Logan bit his lower lip, looking down at her hand clenched tight around his own and the daring contrast between the black and white skin. Logan then looked up into her eyes, looking for maybe the tell-tale signs that this was a joke or a dream, but there was none, only smiling kindness. “I'm in town looking for new models and interns, and maybe if you're interested, you can come out to Manhattan and-”_

“ _Manhattan? New York?” Logan asked astonished and she gave a grin._

“ _On a free trip, all expenses paid.”_

“ _I. . .I. . .” Logan took in another breath in shock, going to_ _ **New York**_ _to be a_ _ **model**_ _. He didn't think this was real, this had to be some sort of joke, some sort of prank someone was playing on him and shook his head, “Well, what if your boss doesn't think I'm good enough.”_

“ _Well then. . .you come home, I suppose. . .but you don't know that. Why not try and see what happens?”_

“ _I'm not so sure about throwing caution to the wind,” Logan said with a small sigh and Ms. Wainwright gave a small sigh herself, releasing Logan's hand to dig into her purse and pulled out a business card to hand to the brunette._

“ _Throwing caution to the wind and just jumping in to see what happens is all what life is about, Mr. Mitchell. Call me if you change your mind, I'll be here for three days.” She moved to take her fork and knife to cut a piece of the stack of pancakes drizzled with syrup and powdered sugar, Logan looking down at the card held gingerly between his fingers and got up to continue tending to the other tables. She left a rather hefty tip, maybe to sway him to call, but Logan just wasn't sure about what was going to happen to him. Not like he had family out there, not like he'll know anyone out there. . .what if things don't go right?. . ._

* * *

A blaring horn shook Logan out of his thoughts, quickly rushing across the street with his suitcases lugging right behind him. There were so many people on the street, not one of them planning to step aside first for Logan, so he had to maneuver and twist and turn around all of the people walking at the same pace or faster. Sometimes he had to jump out of the way to just narrowly avoid being ran over by a bike, only looking over his shoulder at the cyclist to give an irritated glare for maybe two seconds before hurrying down the street in the direction of the agency.

Three blocks away from the agency and the crowd was starting to thin, more room for Logan to briskly walk down the street without having to quickly jump in the gutter or something like that. His arms were growing sore from having to carry all these things, his face was starting to grow peachy red and shining from sweat from the sun shining bright overhead. Nevertheless, he continued to walk. He was almost there, and he'll be able to set down his things hopefully in the lobby, Logan passing by a large complex building before he slowed and paused. He turned to his left, perched on the arm of an old wooden bench was a blond idly strumming a guitar, the music floating from the strings melodious and Logan feeling like all of the other sounds of New York were being blocked out while the notes flowed into his ears.

The long fingers moved up and down the fretboard, back and forth over the strings while the blond tapped his foot on the bench's seat, his Vans dirty and scuffed and like he's worn them all his life. His clothes weren't any better, ripped blue jeans with a dirty red plaid shirt and scruffy navy blue beanie on top of the dirty blond locks. His face was clean though, perfectly smooth skin, and Logan's eyes were drinking up every little part of the blond man's facial contours. His nose, his lips, his cheeks and when he smiled at the music, those dimples. Logan was just standing there, watching him as he played while some people passed by him and very few people dropped some coins or a dollar in the guitar case open and in front of the bench while he continued to play.

Then the blond glanced up, maybe perhaps noticing someone was standing there watching him, and Logan saw how bright and beautiful those bottle green eyes of his were, staring at him as his fingers continued to move along the guitar's neck and strings. The eyes looked amazed, intrigued, and Logan found himself beginning to blush at the guitarist's intense stare, heart beginning to thud when he saw the corner of the man's mouth tip up in a crooked smile. The melody changed from that of an upbeat little tune to something slower, something softer and beautiful. Logan watched his face, the guitarist watching his own and it was like they were the only people that were even there, just them and the music.

Logan blinked, heart jumping in his chest from another loud horn blare, and he glanced down the street. He needed to get to the agency, he couldn't waste any more time! Logan shook his head, turning and beginning to hurry down the street but stopped. He glanced back over his shoulder at the guitarist, the man still looking at him and still giving him a playful little smile as Logan glanced down at the ground before back at his face. He gave a small gulp, hastily putting down one of his suitcases to dig in his pocket and fish out two dollars. He gripped the handle of his suitcase again with money being crumpled in his palm as he turned on his heel again to walk back to the guitarist and drop the money inside the open case.

But as soon as Logan drew near and was ready to wriggle the money out of his full hand to fall into the case, the guitarist's foot kicked the top of the case closed before Logan could even blink.

Logan looked at the man confused, the blond still giving him that crooked little smile as his eyes scanned over Logan's bewildered expression. “Keep the money, baby. I don't want it,” the blond said, adjusting the guitar strap around his shoulders.

Logan blushed, _'Baby'?_ He straightened his posture, giving a small huff.

“And just who are you calling, 'baby'?”

“You of course. And put that money away before you get robbed, you're already a walking target for any thugs or bums out here,” he said and Logan placed down his suitcase to stuff the money back into his pocket before grabbing it again. The blond raised an eyebrow, “What are you doing carrying around those things anyway? Don't you know how to get yourself a taxi?”

“Well I-”

“Oh no, hold on.” He stroked his chin, those bright eyes of his looking Logan over and his smile was starting to grow bigger. “Not from around here, I see.”

Logan looked down, “Is it obvious?”

“Kinda, baby,” he said with a laugh, light and happy and Logan blushed harder.

“Stop calling me that!” he snapped and the guitarist shook his head, giving his knee a little slap before standing up and moving around the case to pop it open and stick his guitar inside.

“I like it for you, it suits you,” he replied, crouching down to close the lid and start putting on the locks. Logan gave a little pout.

“How do you know it suits me when you don't even know me?”

“Hmm, good point.” He looked over his shoulder up at Logan before standing up straight and giving a sly little smile, “Maybe we should start getting to know each other then, huh?” Logan looked down the street, he needed to get to the agency right now, he didn't have time for. . .whatever this was supposed to be or whatever the blond was trying to make it to be. He began to step away, glancing down the street every couple of seconds as he gave the guitarist a sorry little smile.

“I-I'm sorry but I don't have time to talk, I have somewhere to be,” Logan said and began to walk down the street even faster than ever. A hand was on his shoulder a few seconds, “Hold on a second, baby. I'm not trying to scare you away,” the guitarist's voice cooed out and Logan glanced over to see him walking along side by side with guitar case in his hands. Logan sighed, “I wasn't saying you _were_ , but I need to be on my way.”

“Let's start with names first?” he said with a chipper little smile, and Logan turned to look at what was in front of him. He could see the Rocque Studio Agency down the street on the corner right by the set of bistros and the bookstore just like Ms. Wainwright had told him over the phone before he left. Just a few more blocks and- “Okay, I see when I'm not wanted.” Logan glanced up, seeing the blond turning around and he bit his lower lip.

“Wait! Wait!” he called out and the blond stopped, turning to walk and catch back up to Logan as the brunette gave a small sigh, “I'm sorry, really I am. I'm just in a _really_ big hurry, and I don't have time to talk to you.”

“You're talking to me now, aren't you?”

“Well. . .yes. . .but like, have a proper conversation.”

“Wasn't asking for a proper conversation, baby. Just your name,” he said with a little wink of the eye and Logan looked away with shy eyes glancing down at the dirty pavement.

“. . .Logan. Logan Mitchell.”

“Okay then. Logan Mitchell, where you from?” the blond asked and Logan looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Hold it, we said names first. I don't know yours,” he said sharply and the blond gave a chuckle.

“You're pretty quick, baby.”

“You know my name now, stop calling me 'baby',” Logan said with a frown and the blond gave a sorry little pout before a sigh and shake of the head.

“My name is Kendall.”

“Kendall. . .”

“Just Kendall,” the guitarist said and Logan cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“I've never met someone with no last name before.”

“Oh, I got a last name. Just don't. . .really like what stuff came with it,” Kendall murmured and Logan looked the man up and down with a confused expression as they came to a stoplight and waited for it to turn green for them to cross. Kendall shook his head, “Enough about my name, where you from?”

“Texas,” Logan said simply and Kendall gave a low whistle, those bottle green eyes wide in surprise as the light turned green and the two walked across the street.

“Texas? That's a long way from here. What're you doing here, visiting family?” Kendall asked and Logan shook his head.

“Here for hopefully a job.”

“Why not get a job back home in Texas?” Kendall asked and Logan sighed.

“It's special and I have to be here. . .plus, I. . .well I just. . .wanted to come here. I mean, I've never been to New York before, it's exciting!”

“That so?” Kendall asked and Logan gave a more than needed eager nod. What the _real_ reason was for Logan leaving was too personal, too close for him to be just blabbering about to anyone. Especially someone he just met a few minutes ago. They were approaching the agency and Logan figured he might only be a few minutes late, hoping that it wouldn't be anything serious or a problem. “. . .What kind of job are you here for?”

Logan sucked in a small breath, shyness creeping into his chest as his fingers gripped even tighter on the leather straps of his suitcases. “Well. . .I'm hoping that I can get the chance to be a model. At Rocque?”

Kendall said nothing to that, shaking his head and giving a scoff that Logan frowned at. “What was that for?”

“Didn't know I was walking beside a future Barbie,” the blond said, tone snide, and Logan looked at the blond in surprise at the sudden change. Kendall's face was stiff and irritated, Logan not understanding what for or why but his lips were turning into a frown himself.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Logan questioned and Kendall rolled his eyes.

“If you're smart, which I'm pretty sure you are, you'd get yourself on the next plane flight back to Texas,” Kendall said sharply, and Logan stopped, the two only a few feet away from the door to look the blond in the eye.

“Excuse me? I'm not going back to Texas just because you have a problem with what I'm trying to do, who do you think you _are?_ ”

“You're not right to be working for Rocque, you got that? Just go home-”

“No! I'm not going home! I'm going right in there and there's nothing you can do!” Logan shouted, storming away, but Kendall grabbed onto his shoulder again roughly and Logan twisted in his grasp, turning to glare at the blond man. Kendall was looking at him with a mixed expression, almost worried and almost cynical, and Logan gave a growl. “Thanks for the welcome to New York,” the brunette hissed and Kendall frowned.

“I'm warning you, Rocque is bad. _Real_ bad.”

“And what do you know about it? You don't look like you're one of their models,” Logan snapped and Kendall's eyebrows furrowed.

“Look-”

“I have to go, I have an appointment that I can't be late for,” Logan said, turning on his heel and walking away from the blond and going through the silvery glass spinning door. The lobby was amazing, large and white with sparkling marble tile floors and lavish red couches looking like they came out from the future. No one was seated in them, only one person sitting behind the receptionist's desk and Logan gave a small gulp. He hoped he didn't miss anything important and only hoped that he wasn't going to be in trouble.

Logan gave one glance out through the glass door, not seeing Kendall lingering by and only figured the blond must have left. He gave a small hmph. What would some scruffy and dirty blond know about modeling anyways?. . .Not like _he_ was an expert on the ordeal but he wasn't going around telling people that they weren't good enough for this. His heart shook, he thought he was going to be getting away from that feeling, those fears that he hoped stayed in Texas, and that he could start an entire new life out here. He _was_ good enough, he _was_.

He wasn't ever going to go back, he wasn't ever going to go back to the way he once was.


	2. Chapter 2

_Logan pondered and pondered, paced back and forth with that little card resting on top of his old kitchen table, the phone only a little ways beside it. He bit his lower lip. It's only been one day that had passed since Kelly Wainwright gave him that card, gave him that opportunity to go and be something, be something_ _**beautiful** _ _no doubt. Modeling, Logan could look in the mirror countless times, and in no way would he see a model's face. He would see a bookworm's face, a boring person's face, a person that didn't really have much going for them other than that they were really smart. Not social, not vibrant and exciting, not a diva, just. . .Logan._

_But there was that natural beauty that somehow the woman was able to see in himself that he never knew existed, wondering if that would be enough for Logan to go on. . ._

“Can I help you?” a voice called out and Logan jumped from his though, shaking his head at the receptionist behind the counter filing her gaudy long red nails and obnoxiously popping her gum. First thing Logan noticed of her was that she was rather skinny. Not really rather, _very_. Skin hugging so tight to her bones and her frame as if there was nothing else to hold onto. Her low cut dress she wore showed off how her ribcage could be seen underneath that suntan sprayed skin. Logan approached her, suitcases heavy in his hands, “Yes, I'm here to see Kelly Wainwright and an Arthur Griffin about my position here at Rocque?” Logan asked and she glanced over his figure, at his worn out brown leather jacket and his old blue jeans that may or may not have some grass stains Logan missed to wash. The gray eyes were judging, and Logan felt his heart beat in nerves, like on display and being undressed with only her eyes as she dialed the phone.

“Ms. Wainwright, someone to see you,” she said, not chipper or excited that someone was here to fulfill their dream and only making Logan more nervous. She glanced down at the suitcases in Logan's hands, “You have to leave those down here.”

“Oh, um yes right,” Logan replied as she pointed a long red nail down the hallway.

“First door on your right you can leave your things,” she replied and went back to filing her nails, done with Logan for now and Logan just gave a feeble goodbye as he lugged his suitcases down the hall and pushed open the door with his hip. It appeared to be a sort of locker room, posh though and everything was accented with red or black. Logan's eyes wandered in slight inquiry and amazement, dropping off his things by a red counter with smooth silver surface. Lining the white walls of the large room were portraits of models that Logan only assumed were the top models at Rocque. All of them were so beautiful, all of them had that face that reeked of confidence and boastful pride with winks to the camera, flashing of their white teeth or - in some of the male model's cases – their abs.

Logan touched his stomach, slightly pudgy with little definition of any ab muscle at all, and his worry began to increase at the thought of not being good enough, of maybe that his 'natural beauty' was nothing compared to the _actual_ beauty these models possessed. His eyes were on the portrait of a brunette man with shirt off and pants hanging off his hips, one thumb crooked inside the denim to show off the waistband of the boxer briefs he wore as he gave a delicious smirk to the camera. Beside that portrait was. . .nothing. A large blank wall but Logan could see that something _once_ hung there, just not sure what. . .he shook his head, mustn’t be getting caught up in all of this thought when he had somewhere to be.

The brunette briskly exited the room, coming face to face with Kelly Wainwright and the woman's eyes simply popped from seeing Logan's face. She placed arms around him in a friendly hug, Logan hugging her back with heart still beating nervously in his chest as she placed hands on his cheeks and gave his head a playful little roll.

“I'm so glad you took up my offer! You're going to be amazing, no doubt!”

“Right, right,” Logan murmured and she gestured to the door behind him with that perfect white smile on her face.

“You saw all those portraits of the models in there? That's going to be you someday,” she said confidently, wrapping an arm around Logan's shoulders as she began to walk them to the elevator. Logan admired the woman's confidence in saying that, her big smile and bright brown eyes slightly easing him as he gave a relaxing sigh. The elevator doors slid open and both of them stepped inside, Kelly pressing a button for the fourth floor as Logan leaned against the wall.

“That's if your boss likes me. Mr. Griffin?”

“That's right, Arthur Griffin. Or Griffin. He's going to love you, I just know it. We have a _bunch_ of models that look exactly the same like everyone else, where's the uniqueness in that? You on the other hand,” and her hand went to grace Logan's chin as she smiled, “You have potential and a specialness about you that he's never seen before. He's going to love you, just you wait.”

“Don't know. . .so far I think you're the only one that's seeing something,” Logan replied rather quietly and she gave an eye roll.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my friend. And yours shines through nice and clear for me. Don't hold your head down, smile and be friendly and open. Make Mr. Griffin see that beauty that I see by looking him in the eye and flashing those gorgeous dimples of yours,” Kelly pitched, the elevator doors dinging and Logan giving a small swallow. His head began to feel light as the doors slid back open and Kelly ushered him out of the elevator and into another hallway where the walls were decorated with hip and modern art pieces instead of the faces of the models Logan had to be going up against. The red crimson walls bled into the ceiling, all was red and black, sharp and almost intimidating. His heart was beating even faster now with each step, how it seemed they were the only two people in the hallway and the heels of Kelly's shoes were echoing down the hall. His mouth was drying, his palms were sweating, his mind was screaming at him that this wasn't where he belonged and he should just turn around and run. Run to the airport and forget about doing something like this.

_You're not right to be working for Rocque, you got that?_

_If you're smart, which I'm pretty sure you are, you'd get yourself on the next plane flight back to Texas_

Kendall's words felt like a slap to the face now, anger at what the blond told him masking all of the nervousness and fears Logan was starting to feel as they rounded the corner. He had to stay here, he was doing more than what they knew. He was going to prove that he could be here, that he could be just as good as any of those models that were on the wall and that he _deserved_ a chance to just do this one little thing. He was good enough, he was good enough if he put his mind to it, and he was. No one can tell him he should just go home because of how he was or how he looked, _not ever again_.

He swallowed his fear down, the thought of being on a magazine Kendall or any one of those people he left behind back in Texas picked up and saw his face, glamorous and _perfect._ Make them regret thinking he couldn't be more and treating him so.

Kelly opened one of the doors and stepped inside, gesturing for Logan to step inside as well. It was a studio, white walls and white flooring with many different props and racks for wardrobe were to the side and photography equipment on the other side. Logan looked at the cameras and the lights with amazement as Kelly gave him a smile, pulling the brunette over to the clothes for Logan to touch the soft material and see each stylish and vintage piece of the collection.

“This is our main room for photoshoots, Studio 118. Course, you might be called other places for other shoots, but for sure anything made by Rocque will be done right here,” she replied and glanced around, walking behind a couple of backdrops while Logan remained by the clothes. All of them were so slim and tight fitting, no doubt if Logan shimmied his way into these things would his body figure be put on display for the camera. Every single curve and every single bump – or lack of – muscle. Laughing and chatter started to drift back into Logan's ears as he turned to see Kelly walking alongside a young man holding a black camera. She gestured for Logan to stick his hand out and Logan did, the Latino man taking it warm and firm with a bright smile on his face.

“Hey there, I'm Carlos Garcia, and I might be your photographer for a while,” he replied with a funny little grin that Logan couldn't help but not smile at himself.

“I'm Logan Mitchell, and hopefully I'll _be here_ for a while,” the brunette said sheepishly and Carlos quirked an eyebrow.

“Why would you hope? You should be saying 'I got this!' cause wow,” Carlos' eyes gave a tiny little sparkle, “You got an amazing smile.”

“So I'm told,” Logan said with a glance over in Kelly's direction that the woman only gave a shrug to. She paused, glancing down at the cell phone in her hand and gave a tiny smile, “I'll be right back. Talk to each other, get to know each other,” she suggested and briskly walked away with phone going up to the side of her head. Carlos smiled after her, giving a little shake of the head as he crossed his arms.

“So, where are you from, Logan?” Carlos asked and Logan scratched the back of his head.

“Texas. How about you, you live around here?”

“Born and raised in California, I've only been out here for maybe four months,” Carlos replied with a cheeky little smile, cheeks round and adorable like a big child. He held his camera and gave it a little turn, “I took all the pictures I thought I could take down in Cali though, so I figured why not move it to New York and experience new sights and new people. And believe me, here is where you'll find them.” Logan noticed how Carlos gave a little smile at his camera, “Very beautiful things to see here.”

“When I have the time, I'll have to go look around then. Would be good of me to get acquainted with my surroundings if I'm going to be living here for a while,” Logan replied hopefully and Carlos grinned.

“That's the spirit! Besides, you're going to live in the complex right? There's already a cool little bistro down the street where all the models go and eat, and a little ways down from there is a nice and chill park to just relax and listen to music. There's a guy that's always down there playing a guitar, and he's pretty good at it too,” Carlos replied and Logan bit his lower lip. He couldn't possibly be talking about Kendall, could he? No, not possible at all. How the blond seemed to feel about models in general, it's not like he would go to a place where there would be an abundance of them hanging out or lingering by. Then again, not like it was the _models'_ park in the first place. Nevertheless, Logan only gave a small nod as he heard the doors behind them open up once more.

In walked Kelly along with another man with two _other_ men behind him dressed in black suits and blue ties. The man beside Kelly was staring at Logan with icy blue eyes, the first spot of blue Logan has seen since stepping inside the building, and his arms were crossed already as if he was judging Logan. The brunette gulped as they approached him and Carlos, the man's eyes not leaving Logan's face as Kelly gestured to him.

“Logan, this is Mr. Arthur Griffin, CEO of Rocque,” Kelly introduced and Logan immediately stuck his hand out, eyes big and wide and nervous as his mouth tilted and crooked into an awkward smile. Griffin appeared amused, his own mouth tilting into a crooked smile of his own as he reached out to take Logan's hand and firmly shake it. It was too late for Logan to realize that his hand was disgustingly sweaty and as soon as the CEO released his hand, Logan subtly wiped the palm on his thigh as Griffin placed hands behind his back.

“Ms. Wainwright was telling me a lot about you, Logan,” Griffin started out, his voice refined yet casual and didn't do a thing at all to ease Logan's nerves, “I understand that you have had no modeling experience prior to this, tell me why I should hire you and not someone else that has been in front of dozens of cameras before hand.” Griffin's voice was so calm and carefree, though that didn't sound like it was a suggestion or a question, it was a _demand_ , and Logan found himself chewing on his lower lip.

“Well. . .I have something that you haven't seen before,” Logan replied and the CEO crooked an eyebrow.

“Oh really? What's that?” Griffin asked and Logan felt his mouth drying and heart speeding fast as he forced his nerves down again with another swallow.

“Natural beauty,” Logan quietly answered and Griffin's mouth crooked into a smile. Logan wasn't sure if it was humoring or if he was really sincere about Logan saying that, but a smile was a smile and Logan wasn't going to lose it just yet. He cleared his throat, “Well, yeah. The only reason why some people been in front of the camera countless and countless of times is because they're the _in_ thing and are just conforming to the stereotypical image of a model. I'm. . .different and have something new to offer and separate myself from the crowd, be the new thing,” Logan pitched and Griffin hummed.

“You most certainly are something different. . .but the 'stereotypical' image of a model is dependable and dependability means that it'll last longer and longer. I need Rocque to last longer and longer with dependable models and if that means they look like 'stereotypes' then it's just me playing it safe. And you, Mr. Logan Mitchell, don't look like a stereotypical male model at all,” Griffin replied and Logan couldn't hide the gulp. He screwed up, he was going home. Wow, maybe only a few hours in New York and he had to fly back to Texas. A complete waste of mon- “However. . .”

However?

Griffin stroked his chin, his eyes glazing over Logan's figure once, twice before locking on his face and his smile grew into a full one with shiny white teeth. It was professional and it was sly, his eyes gleaming bright and intrigued, “You might have something. . .not at all Rocque level yet but just maybe with a little bit of grooming you'll be perfect. Have a sort of. . .earthy feeling about you, if that makes sense.”

“I-I believe so,” Logan stuttered out and the CEO gave a grin, gesturing over to Carlos.

“Mr. Garcia, why don't you take Logan over and do some professional headshots so I can show our other members just what kind of face you are. If they like it, you might have a future here and be dressed in some of the most elegant and highly desired clothes in these United States, and if so, then you can come down to the photoshoot this Friday. . .goodbye, gentlemen. Come along, Ms. Wainwright,” Griffin replied, turning on his heel without another word spoken and strolled out of the studio with Kelly following after him. Logan let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding, running a hand over his forehead and into his hair to find he was sweating.

“Intense, isn't he?” Carlos asked Logan with a small smile, and Logan nodded his head. He gave a laugh, “No worries though, once you become a model, you barely have to deal with Griffin. And even when you do, it's usually only at photoshoots and you're the star of the show so no need to feel intimidated.”

“If you say so. . .he said take some headshots?” Logan asked and Carlos nodded, wrapping an arm around Logan's shoulders and guiding the brunette back around the backdrops set up to one that was all white with tall lamps and cameras angled at such a way to get every single shot possible. Carlos moved to grab a small wooden stool and placed it down on a black X in the middle of the white floor. He pointed at it with a big and warm smile, Logan smiling shyly back before walking over and sitting down on it.

“Let's start with a frontal view pose, see all of your face,” Carlos replied, tips of his fingers tilting Logan's chin to face forward and slightly up. His fingers brushed down more over his neck, adjusting Logan's jacket collar and smiled, “We'll get some full body poses of you too with this jacket.”

“But Griffin only wants headshots,” Logan replied and Carlos beamed.

“I'm pretty sure Griffin would want to see you model included with the headshots of you,” Carlos replied and stepped back, holding his hands out like a frame to smile at Logan. He raised a finger, stepping back and getting his camera ready until he was certain this was the right shot. Carlos gestured to his mouth and smiled, Logan smiling and the flash went off immediately. He blinked a few times, seeing spots as Carlos gave a thumbs up and Logan rubbed his eyes.

“It feels like class photos,” Logan commented and Carlos laughed.

“Might think that for a bit, okay let's try another shot with a little more expression. Turn to your side and tilt your head over like you're looking over your shoulder,” Carlos instructed and Logan did as he was told, turning and tilting his head back. “Good, good. Now grip the edge of the stool and place your right foot on the first little rung and your left foot straight out.” Again, Logan did as he was told and Carlos grinned. “Perfect! Now give me a shy look, innocence but still flirty.”

Logan didn't exactly know how to portray that. He lost his innocence the moment he gave up his body to that boy in high school, he never was a flirty person to begin with and so he bit his lower lip and eyes flickered downwards before back up at Carlos. “Hold that!” the photographer shouted and the flash went off, blinding Logan again as Carlos grinned. “Great!”

“I. . .didn't really do anything,” Logan said and Carlos laughed.

“Pretty much what modeling is. Just. . .be yourself and have fun. This isn't anything serious,” Carlos replied and Logan gave a slow nod of the head, beginning to feel himself loosening up. He took a deep breath and allowed Carlos to pose him again, crossing his legs and sitting prim and proper for another photo. And another pose, another picture. Another pose, another picture. Carlos would smile and laugh and Logan would smile and laugh along with the photographer as he was up on his feet and had his jacket flung over his shoulder like one of those movie stars with the over the shoulder look. And Logan would smile, smile big and smile hard like there were no worries in the world.

“You look great!” Carlos exclaimed, beckoning Logan over to look at the camera but then paused, “Wait. . .do you like to look at pictures of yourself?”

Logan raised an eyebrow, “Um. . .I guess?”

Carlos scratched the back of his head, beckoning Logan over once again as he gave a shy little smile, “Sorry just. . .James never likes to look at his pictures, not even when they're edited.” Logan raised an eyebrow at that and Carlos sighed, “He's. . .special.”

“He's a model here?” Logan asked and Carlos got this little smile on his lips, happy and dream felt with his thumb pressing on a button on the camera.

“Yeah, he's a model. One of the most gorgeous looking models I've been given the privilege to work with. . .actually, I'm the only photographer that he'll _work_ with,” Carlos replied and Logan looked at the man in confusion as he showed Logan a picture. It wasn't of him, it was of a brunette man lying on a velvety black floor, his hazel eyes looking up into the camera with his arms behind his head. His cheeks were a beautiful rosy shade against his sun-kissed skin, lips parted and body looking like it was sculpted by gods. Logan just knew it, he was _gorgeous_. Perfectly beautiful, and if Logan was next to him, no doubt Logan would look more plain and boring than he already was.

“He's. . .wow. . .” Logan murmured and Carlos nodded his head.

“Yeah. . .wow. . .” Carlos said with a sigh, flipping to another picture of James laughing and running a hand through his hair, his shirt open and pants hanging off his hips.

“He's so gorgeous, his voice and his eyes. . .god his eyes,” Carlos gave a sigh, “I can stare into them all day, they're like jewels.”

Logan looked at the photographer in bewilderment, his lips curving into a small little crooked smile. “Sounds like you got more than a professional relationship going on,” Logan replied and Carlos gave a little laugh, switching to another photo of James sitting on a bench holding a bouquet of colorful flowers in front of a white background.

“Yeah. . .I got a little crush on him alright. . .but you know, he's a model and I'm just a photographer and. . .I don't know, I don't want to push myself on him,” Carlos gave a small sigh, “I've only been here for a few months and when I got assigned to be his photographer, I found out he was in a bad break up or something. . .don't know if he'll be looking for another relationship again. . .” Carlos shook his head, “I-I'm sorry, I don't really feel comfortable talking about James and his past, he's really sensitive about himself.”

Logan gave an understanding nod as Carlos shuffled through the pictures of James, almost feeling like there were thousands of pictures of James on the memory card before they could get to his, the more and more photos of James the more and more Logan began to feel self conscious about what he'll have to go against. James wasn't exactly the stereotypical model, he wasn't slim and thin. He had a lot of muscle on him, perfectly toned body and muscled arms. Logan would have mistaken him for an athlete rather than a model but the man _was_ beautiful enough to be one. Logan wasn't anything like James was, only hoping that wasn't what Griffin truly wanted and only humoring him.

“. . .Maybe I'll meet him sometime,” Logan said and Carlos nodded.

“Not at a photoshoot though, you'll have to catch him some other time.”

“Are photoshoots restricted?” Logan asked and Carlos bit his lower lip.

“Well. . .not exactly? James is. . .eccentric, I suppose. The only ones that are even in the area for pictures with James are him and me. No makeup artists allowed beyond a certain point, and maybe if Griffin forces his way to see him do a photoshoot will him and some members watch. . .doesn't like just anybody looking at him,” Carlos replied and Logan raised an eyebrow. How odd. Carlos gave a small sigh, continuing to press the button shifting through the photos until finally the first picture of Logan appeared and Logan blushed.

It didn't look like a class photo, but it didn't look professional just yet. Gorgeous, Logan's hair wispy and light, his eyes sparkled just right from the flash and his dimples shone adorably in his cheeks. He didn't look sexy, he didn't look mysterious or flirting. . .he looked. . .Logan. Simple and normal Logan. He looked cautiously at Carlos, the man smiling at the photo taken on the camera before looking back at the brunette, “You look good. With a little editing, this picture will look amazing so don't worry about it.”

“I guess. . .” Logan mumbled as Carlos switched to the next picture of Logan looking over his shoulder, his eyes shy but his lips giving off a somehow flirty feeling. Almost like Logan wanted whoever that was looking at the picture to think he didn't know a little thing, that he needed to be taught. He blushed as Carlos continued to shuffle through the pictures and sometimes point out the features he really liked in the photo or some things that can be enhanced with some editing magic. The lights hit the side of Logan's face just right in one photo, Logan's eyes looked simply divine in another picture, his teeth could be a little bit whiter in another photo once Carlos got done with it and Logan was only nodding his head beside him.

“You think. . .I'll look as good as James once you're done with photo editing?” Logan asked and Carlos glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, I don't think that you have to worry about having to look like James. You have your own uniqueness about you, just be yourself!” Carlos chirped and Logan gave a smile, not entirely convinced that being himself would be what it took, what Griffin _really_ wanted along with those members. But Carlos turned the camera off and gave a friendly pat on Logan's back. “I'll get started working on these photos and once I'm done, deliver them to Griffin in a flash. In the meantime, all you have to do is just wait until he gets back to you. But don't worry about it, enjoy New York and the complex for the time being. . .did you see you new room yet?”

Logan shook his head and Carlos grinned, “The Palm Woods is _beautiful_ , come on, I'll walk you down to it.”

And Logan smiled.

* * *

The walk back down the street wasn't so bad like it was going to Rocque, Carlos carrying one of Logan's suitcase while Logan carried his other one. There was calmness, maybe because Logan got through the fear of meeting Griffin for the first time or maybe because Carlos' company put his nerves at ease while they continued down the street. Carlos joked and laughed, he told fun little stories about going to the bistro or fun little pictures he managed to snap of James when the brunette wasn't looking. And all the while, Logan was curious if he would ever come across the brunette and see what kind of person he was like in real life. Neurotic, eccentric, nice, snobbish, Logan didn't know. But from Carlos' little dream stories about how the tip of James' nose would always flush a pretty pink from a compliment or how melodious James' laugh was to his ears, Logan can only assume the brunette must be a perfect dream.

Perfect.

Carlos paused in front, Logan remembering this little location from before. Remembered the blond guitarist perched right there on that bench strumming amazingly beautiful notes, staring at him with those bottle green eyes. Logan's heart fluttered, expecting to see Kendall somewhere around here, or maybe a small part of him actually hoped the blond was there to look at him with that flirty smile. Been a long time since someone ever smiled at him like that. . .even if the blond said that horrible thing to him the moment he found out he was a model. . .

“Carlos?” Logan asked as the two stepped into the lobby of the Palm Woods, refined and elegant with the walls and colors different shades of brown and the earthy smells of the incense burning drifted into Logan's nose. The Latino hummed, dropping Logan's suitcase at the front desk where a man was lazily typing out something on the computer. He didn't pay them any attention, not even when Logan was there to set his things down as well until Carlos gave a ring of the bell.

“Bitters?”

“What?” the man asked, eyes still on the screen as Carlos gave an eye roll.

“Do you have a room ready for a Mr. Logan Mitchell?” Carlos asked and the man's eyes lazily glanced over at Carlos before moving to Logan's face. He was disinterested, rather annoyed with the both of them Logan could see, and he turned to face them with an irritated grunt.

“Let me check the Palm Woods registrar,” he replied, tone lazy and drawling as Logan bit his lower lip, looking over to Carlos as the man typed his fingers over the keys of the keyboard. Carlos gave Logan a warm little smile as Bitters pressed a few more buttons, “Yes, Logan Mitchell.” He glanced over at Logan over his glasses, “Modeling, I see.”

“Yes, I am,” Logan said with a small smile. Not that the man looked like he cared but he gave a small nod like he was trying to act like he was. “Room 2J,” he replied and handed Logan a small card key along with a few papers listening for laundry and for uses of the Palm Woods pool and gym. There were also little paper pamphlets about the area Logan would be making his stay, Logan tucking the papers tight in his other grasp along with the key card as he grabbed his suitcase and Carlos grabbed his other one. The two made their way to the elevator, Carlos pressing the button with his free hand and giving a smile to Logan.

“Is he always like that?” Logan asked and Carlos shrugged.

“Not if you're a pretty lady,” he replied with a silly smile and Logan nodded, rolling his eyes and giving a smile of his own as the elevator doors dinged and slid open for them to step inside. Carlos pushed the second button on the small panel, leaning against the wall and giving a small hum as Logan looked around the small space they were standing in.

“Do you live here too, Carlos?” Logan asked and the photographer shook his head.

“No, only the models that Rocque cares for. I have my own place down more towards the outer parts of Manhattan.”

“. . .Does that mean James lives here?” Logan asked and Carlos chuckled.

“With all the money he makes? He has a place of his own, in Queens.” Carlos smiled, “It's really nice, been over there a couple of times.”

Logan smiled, “You two are pretty serious. . .have you ever thought about asking him if he wouldn't mind dating?” Logan asked and Carlos shook his head.

“No, I-I can't. . .he's. . .” Carlos took in a deep sigh, “I don't know if I'll be good enough. . .don't know if I can give him what he really wants or what he needs.” Logan only gave a slow nod at that, the door dinging open once more and the two walked into the open hall. Logan could hear people chatting about in their own rooms, laughing and shouting with high pitched shrills of women and the deep shouts of men. Sure was a loud place, felt almost like he was walking down the halls of his old high school. Everyone shouted back then, shouted hellos or laughs or fighting words or gossip. Logan didn't want a repeat of high school here. He needed to get away from it all, he couldn't ever go back to that time.

They stopped right in front of the door marked '2J', Logan fumbling a bit with the card key to get it free of all the papers and stick it in the slot. He took in a breath, smile on his face as he pushed open the door and took a gander at the room inside with jaw dropping in awe. The floors were a dark rosewood, shiny and buffed clean. To the left as soon as he walked in was a kitchen with white cabinets and a white marble countertop, and a see-through refrigerator. The living room was in front of him, a creamy couch with a flat screen mounted on the wall and a glass coffee table, a balcony with the curtains pulled back revealing a beautiful view of the city streets.

This _definitely_ wasn't Texas.

Logan sucked in a breath, dropping his suitcase to look around and give a big smile, “It's beautiful!”

“Lots of these apartments are,” Carlos commented, gesturing down the hallway. “Wanna drop these off in your bedroom?”

“Oh yeah, sure,” Logan commented, a big smile on his face as he placed the paperwork down on the marble counter – letting his fingers run over the surface to revel in the smoothness – before grabbing the suitcase and following Carlos down the hallway to the left. There was a bathroom on the right with blue tiling along the walls and a small circular shower before they entered the master bedroom. There was a large bed that Logan gave a big smile at and dropped his suitcase on the floor, running over and flopping onto the bed. “It's so _soft!_ ”

Carlos laughed, “Glad yourself comfortable. Soon you'll be hanging around the other models that live here and you'll fit in just fine,” Carlos replied and Logan bit his lip. His mind flashed back to what he wanted to ask, what he's been thinking about since Kendall had left him angrily in front of Rocque and Logans sat back up straight to look at Carlos.

“Carlos, I wanted to ask you. . .have you ever seen a man named Kendall working down at Rocque? Like as a model or a photographer or. . .”

Carlos raised an eyebrow, “No, I haven't. I mean, he might have been if he was around before I came along but I've never came across anyone named Kendall down at Rocque. . .why do you ask?” Carlos asked and Logan sighed, getting onto his feet and the two walked out of the bedroom to sit down on the couch in the living room. Logan rested his arm on the shoulder of the couch, biting his lip and drumming his fingers on his thigh.

“When I just arrived, I was walking down the street and I came across this guy playing a guitar right out on the bench in front of the Palm Woods. And well. . .he followed me down to Rocque, we talked a little. . .he flirted and-”

“ _Wow_ , only been in New York for maybe a few hours and you're already getting admirers,” Carlos said with a wry little smile and Logan gave a scoff.

“Don't think he'll be admiring me anytime soon. The moment that he found out that I was working at Rocque he called me a 'Barbie' and said I should just go home right now. Can you believe that? The nerve!” Logan said with a huff and crossed his arms, “I thought that he might have been a disgruntled worker or something. He didn't look like he was working for Rocque. . .but he _was_ very handsome.”

“Oh? What did he look like?” Carlos asked and Logan sighed.

“Well. . .very thick eyebrows for one thing. And the most _gorgeous_ bottle green eyes. Dirty blond hair, dimples, and he's very tall and skinny too. He looks like he would be a model, but he doesn't take very good care of himself. His clothes are all dirty and ripped, looked like he hadn't bathed in a few weeks.”

“Maybe he was a bum,” Carlos suggested and Logan shook his head.

“I don't think so. . .he didn't look _that_ scraggly to be homeless. . .just not taking care of himself,” Logan mumbled and Carlos gave a shrug.

“Well if you see him again, maybe you can ask him just what was his problem with you being a model.”

“Yeah, _if_.” Logan gave a huff and Carlos smiled, slapping hands onto his knees and getting onto his feet.

“Right, right. . .well I need to get going now, have to get started on those pictures for you,” Carlos said with a smile and Logan nodded his head, getting onto his feet as well and walking Carlos to the door. The photographer glanced over his shoulder at the brunette, “It'll be a bit boring for a while until Griffin gives the green light on those pictures. Makes some friends here while you can, keep yourself preoccupied.”

“I'll try,” Logan said with a smile and Carlos beamed right on back, opening the door and giving a curt nod.

“See ya around!”

“Goodbye!” Logan matched Carlos' chirp, giving a departing wave and closing the door gently after the Latino. He gave a sigh, moving to the balcony door and slid the door open to step onto the balcony. The air was fresh and cool, light breeze over his skin and the sound of honking cars traveled all the way up to his ears. He leaned on the railing, giving a small sigh as he looked down into the streets and at all of the people walking up and down the sidewalk.

And his eyes scanned all down the streets, trying to pick out a blond head with a guitar strapped on that person's back.


	3. Chapter 3

Carlos wasn't kidding when he said the wait was boring. All Logan could really do was just sit around the apartment and do nothing but watch TV. Sometimes the opportunity presented itself to go outside and meet someone new, but whenever he would place a hand on the handle as the sound of a conversation floated through the door and into his ear, he would stop and stare with heart beating fast and fears coming back to him. Logan never approached anyone when he was still in high school, he was always just too timid and too afraid of the rejection to follow if he should open his mouth about it. He waited, he waited for someone to approach him first since at least he knew the person wanted to talk to him and wasn't only talking to shut him up or to humor him.

He'd stare and stare at the door until he heard the conversation growing quieter and quieter as the models drifted farther and farther down the hall til they were gone. A missed opportunity to possibly make a new friend. He only had his mother and father to call back home, he didn't want to go out and disturb Carlos at Rocque when the man was busy dolling his photos up in order for him to stay here. There was the possibility of coming out to see if Kendall was back on the street performing again. Sometimes Logan would stick his head out onto the balcony and strain his ears to hear the sounds of guitar music over the loud horns of the cars. But there was none, and better yet, what would he even do if he managed to see the blond that was so discouraging of what he was trying to do.

Not even a model of Rocque, just what was the guy's problem?

On the third day or so Logan was in New York – or maybe it was only two, or even a week since time felt like it was moving so sluggish – there was a knock on the door. Logan was startled a bit, at that moment in time was relaxing on the couch in old pajamas and oversized t-shirt. All he could really do, since he didn't have that much money to splurge and go sightseeing in New York. He licked his suddenly dried lips, getting onto his feet and smoothed out the wrinkles in the shirt. His fingers curled at the end of the shirt, holding it tight as he walked over to the door and opened it.

They forced themselves in before he could even blink, Logan shoved into the side of his kitchen wall as two people strode into his living room dressed in rather expensive looking clothes. One of them was a woman, curvy, with long blond hair and a small handbag slung over her shoulder. With further inspection, Logan could see the furry head of a small Pomeranian yipping and barking loudly. Beside her was a brunette man, tall and muscular with hair slicked back and sunglasses dangling from his fingers. They both didn't even acknowledge Logan in his own apartment, only making petty little comments on how Logan's upholstery on the couch looked tacky with that lamp sent from home, and that this apartment was so much tinier than theirs were.

After a few minutes of Logan just standing there awkward and confused like a wallflower as the people nitpicked away at his home, they finally turned around and looked at them. The fake smiles were quick on their faces, their eyes criticizing and hungry as they approached. The woman stepped close, wrapping skinny bony arms around Logan's frame and kissed his cheek, her lips plump and soft with red lipstick. The man gave a strong slap to Logan's shoulder, hand squeezing the joint tight as Logan's eyes darted between them. The woman pulled back, arms still around Logan as she gave him a pearly white smile.

“Welcome to New York!” she chirped and the man nodded his head. Logan gave a weak smile, shrugging out of her grasp to take a few needed steps back to breathe and calm his nerves. She placed hands on her hips, “I'm Mercedes, your neighbor. And this is Jett, he lives a floor below us.”

“Jett Stetson, that is,” the brunette said rather cockily, and they both laughed like it was a joke Logan was clearly left out of. He gave a smile, Mercedes looking over at Logan with smile still on her face.

“Um. . .I'm Logan. Logan Mitchell.”

“We haven't even had the chance to catch you moving in, are you shy or something?” she asked and Logan shook his head 'no', only for the fact that it seemed the woman couldn't wait to jump on that idea Logan was too much of a wallflower to go out of his apartment. He glanced over at the couch, trying to step forward to sit down but the two were blocking his way, blocking any way of him to move forward as he gave another nervous swallow.

“Just. . .wanted to get the chance to settle in, you know? I'm new here and all-”

“Oh yes! Where are you from?” Jett asked and Logan bit his lower lip.

“Texas.” The two models looked at each other, their smiles turning more sly and judging as they gave a few snickers and Logan stood there embarrassed and nervously trembling. Mercedes held out her hand, smile stretching to that of a Cheshire Cat and eyes looking anything but concerned.

“Oh, don't mind us. Just that. . .well, we never met anyone that was here working for Rocque that came from Texas. Usually we get a California or somewhere else in New York, maybe Milan, or Paris, or Vienna. . .but not Texas.” How she said that with such distaste made Logan's stomach churn, slight anger flaring in his heart as she gave a laugh and flipped her blond hair over her shoulder haughty and confident.

“So have you honestly been cooped up in here all this time? Haven't you eaten?” Jett asked and Logan nodded his head. He's just been ordering room service for the time being and when he could, go out to the grocery store to buy some food. But he didn't want to stock up the fridge only to find that he wasn't even going to be staying for long. Jett quirked an eyebrow at him, crossing his arms and giving a sly smile. “Maybe you would come and join me and Mercedes at the bistro. You know, like a welcome to New York brunch,” he suggested and Mercedes nodded her head. Logan looked between them, confused for sure but at the same time, not wanting to turn down their offer.

“We'll pay too!” Mercedes offered and Logan began to smile. Now he couldn't turn down an offer like this. He scratched the back of his neck.

“Um, sure. I guess we can go,” Logan murmured and Jett and Mercedes grinned.

“We'll see you down in the lobby in a few minutes then,” the blond woman replied and Logan paused.

“You mean. . .right now?”

“Of course right now! You know, we have our photoshoots and other places we need to be. We don't have time to just waste it on fooling around,” Jett replied and Logan nodded his head, embarrassed that he had even said something like that. The two moved past him, already mumbling something that he couldn't hear as they exited the door, Logan only giving a nervous swallow as to what he just got himself into.

Logan was scrutinized and stared at when he walked into the lobby dressed in a simple blue button up shirt and black slacks, Mercedes and Jett even walking around him like vultures ready to pick off the their next dinner. Mercedes hummed, letting the tip of her nails touch Logan's chin and twisted her lips.

“Not bad. . .a little homely but I guess it fits you,” she said and Logan didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult. He began to lean more towards the insult, Mercedes laughing and hooking an arm around his own. “Come along, we have places to go.”

“People to see, I think James is going to be there too,” Jett replied as the three walked out of the complex and moved down the street along with all the hustle and bustle of traffic. Mercedes' hair kept blowing into Logan's face, the brunette dodging and weaving his head around and around to keep the sweet smelling locks from slapping into his face or getting into his mouth. Her dog kept barking and yapping at Logan, beady black eyes staring at him as Logan only gave an uncomfortable smile.

“James? Like James Diamond?” Logan asked and Mercedes looked at Logan, almost surprised.

“Really? You know James?”

“Well, I met his photographer yesterday. He's handling my headshots,” Logan explained and Jett gave a laugh.

“Ooh, don't tell James that.”

“Yeah, James doesn't like to share that little Latino,” Mercedes said rather mischievously, the two models laughing loud and obnoxious. She leaned more into him, teeth gleaming white and overly-spritzed perfume lingering on her skin. “Once you become a famous model, you'll have your own little photographer to take your pictures.”

“And don't worry, we'll help you get there too,” Jett replied with a smile comparable to a fox, his arm going around Logan's shoulders as they approached the stoplight. Up ahead, Logan could see the bistro with its lime green tables and canopies, the striped umbrellas over each table and floral bush along the outer ends of the bistro. He looked at Jett, then at Mercedes, then at the street as they crossed.

“You mean it?”

“Of course! We rather. . .like you,” Mercedes said, giggling at the end but not sounding sincere. “You seem just perfect for us to take under our wing, we like to help new models out.”

“That's rather nice of you,” Logan said with a smile, and the two gave a sigh.

“It's in our nature to be good, caring people,” Jett said and Mercedes nodded.

“Someone has to. There are some really stuck up snobs here,” the blond girl replied and Logan gave a slow nod of his head. Jett pulled open the gate for the two of them to step inside, Mercedes breaking away from Logan as she gave a happy little squeal. She ran off, over and into the arms of a tall brunette man Logan instantly recognized. James Diamond, in the flesh and wow, it felt like the pictures just wasn't able to capture all of the man's beauty. His hair looked like it shone, glossy and brown sweeping over his forehead in bangs and cut nice and short. His smile was bright, even from Logan's distance at the gate. He hadn't moved a muscle, Jett also going over to greet James and slap a hand on the man's back while the three laughed and chattered about things Logan probably wouldn't know a thing about.

Mercedes looked over her shoulder at Logan, the woman placing a hand on her hip and beckoned Logan over. He blushed, heart thumping fast as he hurried over to the table where the models were, Mercedes giving a slight scoff as she wrapped an arm around James' broad ones.

“What were you standing over there like a bump on a log for? Don't you want to meet our good friend, James?” she asked with lidded eyes and Logan nodded his head quickly.

“I-I'm sorry, I just got nervous,” Logan replied and Mercedes gave a little 'hmph'.

“Models don't get nervous, they make others nervous,” she replied and gestured to Logan. “James, this is one of the new models, Logan Mitchell. Logan, this is the head model at Rocque, practically the poster boy of all things fashionable-”

“Mercedes, no, not really,” James said with a little chuckle and the woman beamed.

“Such a humble one. But really, this man right here is James Diamond,” she introduced and James' eyes glanced over Logan. They didn't look calculating or judging like Mercedes and Jett, they almost reminded Logan of Carlos' eyes. Warm and nice, those hazel eyes of his were so beautiful. He smiled, sticking his hand out for Logan to shake and Logan took the model's warm strong grasp in his own.

“Nice to meet you, heard a lot about you,” Logan said and James gave a shrug.

“You would, I am pretty good. So, another Barbie trying to make it big?” James asked with a laugh and Logan froze. Barbie?. . .Like Kendall said. . .but the blond wasn't a model, unless maybe James was called that before. . .he closed his eyes in slight confusion, feeling James let go of his hand and another hand on his back to nudge him forward to the table. All four of them sat down, the blond girl placing her little dog in one of the empty seats beside her as one of the waiters dropped by and handed them all menus. Logan looked over the menu, biting his lower lip to pick out something good to eat. Jett leaned over and nudged James' arm, dark look in those blue eyes.

“Have you seen the new model living on the first floor?”

James rolled his eyes. “I don't gossip like you two do,” he said sternly and Mercedes gave a scoff.

“We don't gossip, we tell it like it is. But really James, she looked horrible,” the woman laughed, Logan finding it hard to scan over the soups and salads as the laughter grew more dark and mocking. “She's so ugly! Imagine her being a model in all of those hand-me-down clothes she came with from lil' ole' Kansas.”

“Ha! A model? She needs to buy herself a new nose if she wants to become a model. Looks like a skinny little pig with that snout of hers,” Jett rudely commented and the two models laughed. Logan looked over at James, the brunette not paying attention to them at all and only straightening his hair. His fingertips went up to his face, rubbing over his cheeks that were a bit rosier than Logan remembered in the pictures, picking at his face and his other hand played with his bangs.

“Oh and did you see that girl that lives upstairs, who does she think she is?” Mercedes asked and Jett gave a disgusted scoff.

“I know exactly who you're talking about. She's so tacky, I swear all of these 'models' get more and more pathetic every single time. Thinking that they're going to make it big when all they are is talentless, homely little things,” Jett said and leaned back more into his chair. “We honestly don't need any of them taking up valuable time that could be reserved for you and me and James here.”

Logan's fingers gripped tight at the menu, ducking his head before he felt Jett's hand on his back one more time. He looked over at the brunette model, Jett's smile at him sneaky and sly. “Of course, you'll have your own little spot in the sun once you are done getting your headshots,” Jett replied and Logan gave a small nod of his head.

“Right. . .right. . .”

“Whose doing your headshots?” James asked and Logan gave a small gulp.

“Uh. . .Carlos Garcia.” James' eyes went dark at the sound of that, Jett and Mercedes only looking intrigued and smiling to themselves while Logan only gave a gulp.

“. . .Is that so?”

“Y-Yes. O-Of course, that's how I found out about you. He's your photographer, right?”

“He is. Mine,” James said sharply and Logan nodded his head, all of their eyes on him. Not good, not good. He swallowed and hid his face back behind the menu, worried and nervous. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the waiter approaching them. He gave a smile, looking between them all with pencil and pad at the ready.

“What can I get you all?” he asked and Mercedes pushed her menu towards him.

“I'll have the light salad, no dressing, and make it half size. Along with a glass of water,” she replied and the waiter nodded his head, writing it down while Jett pushed his menu towards him as well.

"I'll have the same thing," Jett replied, leaning his chin on the back of his hand and gave a little knowing smile Mercedes way. James pushed the menu towards the waiter, his eyes slightly lightening up and gave the man a small smile.

"The tomato soup, that's all. And maybe some water with lemon," James said and the waiter took the menus and their orders, Logan still searching through the lunch menu and teeth pulling in his lower lip.

"I'll have the chicken basil sandwich. Grilled, and a side of French. . ." His eyes looked at Mercedes and Jett, the models looking at him with raised eyebrows and confused eyes.

"That's very fattening, you know," Jett said rather critically, and Logan gulped. The brunette looked over at the waiter. "He'll have the same thing we're having please."

The waiter nodded and took the order, taking Logan's menu and the brunette sat their awkwardly as he left. Mercedes gave a little scoff, flipping her blond hair back and smiled. "If you keep eating like that, you won't be Rocque worthy any more. How would you be able to fit in any of his clothes with that physique?"

"You're not going to be that model that's all out of shape, are you? How much do you weigh?"

Logan gave a shrug, "I don't. . .well I didn't really pay attention to my weight." Their faces were blank, eyes shifting over to each other before Jett glanced back over at him.

"Well if you're going to be a model at Rocque, you better. Body image is everything."

Logan only gulped, his eyes moving back to James to see the brunette picking at his face and nervously running fingers through his hair. Like he was trying to brush it into place but he was trying to. . .hide something. Logan scratched the back of his neck, not sure if he should try to speak to the model again after the whole Carlos thing, and not wanting to join in on Mercedes and Jett's gossip about the girl in 512 that has large ears and a trout-like mouth.

"Do you. . .need a mirror?" Logan asked James and the brunette looked at him, eyes wide and angry.

"No, I don't need a mirror," he hissed and Logan drummed his fingers on the edge of the table.

"Just. . .you keep messing with your hair and your face-"

"Speaking of faces, what makes you think Carlos could do your face up all pretty for Griffin?" James said fast and vicious, Logan feeling his heart shaking in nerves. Carlos was in love with this? This James didn't sound like the James the photographer liked at all. He sucked in a breath. "I'm sure he could do wonders with my pictures, just like he does with yours," Logan explained and James raised an eyebrow.

". . .You've seen my pictures?"

Logan nodded his head. "You're very good in front of the camera, really. It's amazing, even the unedited ones."

James' cheeks flushed red, his fingers pinching at his cheeks and body beginning to tremble as Logan raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just be quiet," James said shakily, his hand rubbing his face and other hand messing with his hair while Logan only looked at the model with worried expression.

Something was going on with James, and the brunette didn't like it one bit.

The salad wasn't filling at all, Logan trying to make it last by taking small bites of the food and large gulps of water. Mercedes and Jett seemed content, chatting over their salads about other models they didn't like and other people they figured were so ugly they wouldn't last a second in Rocque. It made Logan all the more worried about what the two were saying about him when he wasn't around, if the two models gossiped with James about him before they formally met. James was quietly sipping at his soup, not taking in too many spoonfuls and didn't speak another word.

Should he try to say something? Make amends? Whether he liked it or not, he and Logan were going to be seeing each other on more than one occasion. Especially if Carlos remains to handle Logan's pictures. Logan gave a small sip of his water to clear his throat before looking over at James.

"Is the soup good?" Logan asked and James looked at him, hazel eyes suspicious and dark.

"Yeah. . .it's fine."

Logan gave a soft smile, "Usually I have chicken noodle soup or maybe French onion."

"Never had French onion soup before, does it taste good?" James asked, eyes growing lighter and more kind. Logan nodded his head.

"Yeah, it's really good. Especially when you have some toasted bread and cheese-"

"How fattening," Mercedes said with judging eyes, giving a huff. "Don't you know about all of the carbs and fat there is in bread and cheese?"

"N-No, I didn't-"

"I'm surprised at you too, James? Soup? I thought you were on an all salad diet?" the blond woman asked and James gave a rather hard gulp of the soup.

"W-Well, Carlos wants me to-"

"Eat more?" Jett asked with a role of the eyes and twirled the fork between his fingers. "What does he care? Not like he has to be concerned about what he looks like behind the camera. . .your face is starting to fill out more. Like when you first started," Jett commented and James dropped the spoon into the still rather full bowl. He quickly got up, eyes urgent and fearful.

"I have to go to the bathroom," he spoke, running away, and Logan looking after the brunette with worried eyes. He looked over at Mercedes and Jett, the two resuming their little chat about gossip and the new models while Logan pushed around his few leafs of lettuce.

". . .Mercedes, Jett?" Logan asked and they both looked over at him, rather irritated from having to stop talking about what they want to discuss. Logan gave a nervous swallow, "Is. . .James okay?"

"Course he is. And don't be sticking your nose into his business either," Mercedes snapped and Jett gave a nod of his head as well.

"James is a private person, he doesn't tell just anybody about him."

"But don't you think he's acting a little bit odd?" Logan asked and the two models laughed.

"Odd? He isn't acting odd. You just don't know proper model behavior," Mercedes replied and her dog gave her a little yap. Logan went back to pushing around the leaves of lettuce, stabbing a few and eating them. It was so dry without dressing, not even any meat or croutons to spice it up. His stomach was growling and tightening, hunger pains and so desperate to get something else to eat. Though, it must not be model behavior for them to get any dessert either.

James came back to the table a while ago, his hair disheveled and face pale. He sat down slowly, not looking at anyone and Logan leaned forward.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," James said, voice sounding croaked and raspy.

". . .Are you sick?"

"I'm fine!" James shouted, slamming his hands on the table. Logan leaned back, eyes frightened as James glared down at him. "Look, you don't need to worry your head about me, I'm perfectly fine and I don't need you sticking your nose in my business."

"I-I wasn't-" James dug out money in his pocket, slamming the dollar bills on the table.

"Here's the money for my food and the tip, I'm out of here," James muttered, sticking his hands into his pockets and storming away. Logan watched confused, looking back at the bowl of soup James left half full and the glass of water. He then looked down at the table, his fingers drumming over his stomach and feeling the rumbles while Mercedes and Jett blabbed and chattered like James and his outburst never happened.

Logan sat on the couch, twirling the fork between his fingers with a plate of pasta in his lap for dinner. He wasn't sure what it would be like coming across James again, not sure what it would be like coming back into contact with Mercedes and Jett again to hear their new rude commentary on the other models that were here chasing a dream like he was. He twirled the spaghetti around the fork and stuffed it into his mouth, almost feeling rather guilty though his stomach was glad.

He had to start having model behavior, he needed to get with the program.


	4. Chapter 4

Friday afternoon Logan dressed in his clean and polished clothes for Rocque. Having gotten a call from Carlos about inviting him to a photoshoot, Logan only now wanted to make sure he didn't look so plain, and at least _felt_ like he fit in around the models. Well, he was comfortable with Carlos, the Latino was probably the only one in all of New York that he could say he was comfortable around, but there was the little matter that Carlos was 'taken'. Logan gave a shudder at the thought of James. Something was just off about that man. For one thing, he was _nothing_ like Carlos had described. Blinded by love or not, no way would Carlos be able to go through working with James and not pick up on his behavior.

Maybe _that's_ why he's chased away so many photographers before.

Logan exited out of the complex building and immediately froze in his spot, the sound of guitar music floating into his ears and once again drowning out the urban noise. To his left was the guitarist perched on his bench like he was before, the blond strumming on the guitar with a smile on his face. Kendall looked up, his eyes locking with Logan's and looking mischievous. The brunette looked down at the open guitar case in front of him, crumpled dollar bills already making a little pile as he approached him.

"Playing for tips again?" Logan asked and Kendall shrugged.

"Always do."

"And I suppose you don't want me to tip you like before?" Logan asked and Kendall chuckled.

"Not really. I'd rather prefer you letting me take you to the park," Kendall said, smile on his face as Logan began to give a light blush.

"Like. . .a date?"

"If you want to call it that, Baby."

"Logan." 

"Tomato, potato," Kendall said with a hand wave and Logan rolled his eyes with a rather humored smile. Kendall stopped strumming, taking his guitar to set back in its case as Logan bit his lower lip.

"I can't go right now though, I have somewhere to be," Logan said and Kendall looked up at him.

"Busy little cutie, aren't you?" Kendall asked and Logan sighed.

"Well. . .maybe after the photoshoot we can-"

"Photoshoot?" Kendall asked surprised, that look in his eyes when he found out that Logan was going to be working at Rocque returning angrier and more annoyed than ever. "You mean you're still trying to be a model?"

Logan frowned. "Well I didn't come all the way out here to _not_ try."

"Look, go _home_."

"What is your problem with me being a model anyways when you don't even know me or what _I_ went through?" Logan asked with angry eyes and Kendall got onto his feet to glare down at Logan.

"Because I know what Rocque would do to people like you, you're not meant to be there," Kendall said sternly and Logan gave a scoff.

"I didn't know I was talking to an expert on modeling," Logan said crossly and Kendall frowned.

"I'm warning you-"

"Why don't you stick to playing your stupid little love songs on your guitar and _I'll_ focus on being a model, got it?" Logan asked with dark and angry eyes, turning on his heel and storming away before Kendall could even say another word to him. The nerve of that blond, how _dare_ he keep talking to Logan like that as if he really knew what went on in Logan's head. He scowled at the thought of trying to actually _look_ for Kendall the past few days or to keep thinking about the blond. He should just drop all thoughts about Kendall, no one was going to talk like that to him again.

Not like before. . .

* * *

_Logan came to work, two days after Ms. Wainwright had given him the offer. Today was the last day to notify her of anything. But frankly, Logan didn't really know if he was going to go. He wouldn't have anything in New York, just his hopes and dreams. And what if it didn't turn out right? What if-_

_Logan accidentally bumped into someone, jumping away to sputter out apologies before he looked up and saw the face of who it was. His eyes widened, his mouth dried, and sound from his throat felt trapped as he stared at the man he once knew. The man that was the boy he fell in love with, gave his body to, the only person he_ _**thought** _ _felt the same exact way about him. He seemed to recognize Logan too since he gave a small smile._

 _"Hey Logan." He still remembered his_ _**name** _ _, Logan choked out a breath and blinked hard. His eyes darted around, not sure what to say or what to do. " Didn't knew you worked here," the man said and Logan nodded his head._

_" Y-Yeah, I do."_

_". . .Its been a long time, huh?"_

_"Yeah. . .long. . ."_

_The man scratched the back of his neck, "Logan, look. I know when we were younger we did. . .things." Things? Was he calling their relationship, their supposed friendship, their_ _**first time** _ _a_ _**thing?** _ _He gave a little shrug. " Hope there's no hard feelings."_

 _". . .No hard feelings?" Logan asked astonished. "After we had sex, after I gave you my_ _**virginity** _ _because I thought you were being sincere only to find you kissing someone else the next day at school_ _**plus** _ _not talk to me for the rest of high school, you expect me to_ _**not** _ _feel bad?"_

_"Well I couldn't be gay then, it was just a phase. I had track and my friends-"_

_"And I was an out kid that got ignored, and the moment I thought that you were different. . .what was I to you? Just some experiment?"_

_"No, you weren't-"_

_"Obviously not friends since you didn't even try to talk to me about it-"_

_"Don't make me into like that bad guy here!"_

_"You fucking slept with me and acted like I didn't exist after that, you want me to think you're my hero?!"_

_The man gave Logan a shove, the smaller brunette stumbling back and looking at the man with hurt eyes. His nostrils were flaring, anger in his eyes as he smoothed out his shirt. He looked around, taking a few breaths before clearing his throat. "I don't have time to be goofing around with someone like you, I have a wife." Logan shook at the word, one last glare from the man before he turned and left Logan standing there alone. Logan stood there and stood there, his heart beating fast until he raised his hands to his face and sucked in a deep breath. All of those memories, all of those thoughts that he wanted to get away from. . .no more, he didn't want to deal with this anymore. . .he was going to escape these feelings. Now._

* * *

Logan stepped through the front entrance of the building, looking over to the receptionist that was reading a magazine. Her eyes glanced up for only a second before looking back down.

"You here for the photoshoot?" she asked and Logan nodded his head. She pointed towards the elevator, "Fourth floor, Studio 118."

"Right. Thank you," Logan said with a gentle smile that she ignored, the brunette moving down the hall and to the elevator. He pressed the elevator button, waiting quietly and rocking back and forth on his heels waiting for the doors to slide open. They did, Logan stepping inside and the elevator taking him up to the fourth floor. The hallways were still quiet, were still empty like there wasn't even a photoshoot going on. He bit his lip; he hoped he wasn't late for it. Or maybe too early, not like he was really given a time to come here.

He opened the door to Studio 118, hearing voices and loud chatter inside as he stepped into the studio. The racks were out and filled with different clothes, stylish and colorful. In one area of the room he could see a group of people in black suits, cluttered together and talking amongst themselves. Must have been some executives. In another part of the area he saw Carlos quickly moving everyone around, and making sure everyone had everything in the right place. Logan smiled, happy that there was someone here to talk to, but as he approached the man he paused. If Carlos was here, then this must be _James'_ photoshoot, and the brunette didn't know how the model would react to seeing his face again after the bad brunch together.

Carlos saw him first before he could do anything, the Latino smiling at him and strolling over to slap a hand on Logan's back.

"Glad to see you made it!"

"Sure. . .is this James' photoshoot?" Logan asked, and Carlos nodded his head, bright eyes in excitement.

"Yep! That means you get to meet him too! He's a little bit rough around the edges at first but he's a real sweetheart," Carlos said with a dreamy sigh that Logan didn't know how to respond to. Rough around the edges was putting it a little bit nicer than he would have. _More like absolutely strange and completely intimidating,_ Logan thought in his head. Carlos glanced over his shoulder at the small group of executives huddled in a corner, placing his hand on Logan's back as he gestured over to them. "You should go say hi to them and introduce yourself. They already had time to see your headshots, maybe now you can see if you're staying." Logan gulped at the sound of that, but Carlos must have sensed his tension. He gave a light and friendly laugh, rubbing Logan's back in a soothing manner.

"You'll be fine. . .gotta go check on James right now," Carlos said, glancing over his shoulder and leaving in a hurry, Logan trying to keep his heart from beating so abnormally fast as he sucked in a nervous breath and approached the people in the suits. One of their heads rose up and looked over at him, that head belonging to Griffin, and smile was on the CEO's face as Logan drew near. He stepped out of the huddle, walked over and placed arms around Logan in a small hug that felt strange and unusual. His arms were stiff, the hug wasn't sincere at all or trying to be. . .just felt strange and Logan's arms were pinned to his side, not even daring to try and hug Griffin back. He turned back to face the executives that now noticed Logan and were whispering amongst each other as he gestured to the young man beside him.

"And here's our newest model now. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Logan Mitchell," Griffin introduced and Logan looked up at the man with surprised eyes.

"You mean. . .you liked my headshots?" Logan's eyes widened even more. "I get to be a model?"

Griffin gave a small shrug. "Well, you don't have _exactly_ what we're known for here for at Rocque, but we all happen to agree that we like your look. However it wouldn't hurt if perhaps maybe, you lose a few pounds?" Logan looked down at his stomach, his fingers going to pinch at his hips and feel a small amount of baby fat. "Just a little bit of weight gone, so that you can fit into the clothes Gustavo is creating for the winter show this December. We'll still give you a check every week and pay for your accommodations at the Palm Woods, as well as have you do some modeling on the side, does that sound fair?" Griffin asked and Logan nodded his head intently.

"O-Of course!" Logan said, smile coming to his face that Griffin matched before placing his hand on Logan's back and steered him away from the execs to the area that Carlos walked into.

"And now you'll get to see a model at work. James is our best model here at Rocque. Brings me more money than half of the models here combined," Griffin said with a toothy grin, and Logan nodded his head, uneasy feeling in his stomach as they rounded a corner and Logan could begin to hear James' shouts. There the brunette was, in a makeup chair with face being touched up, his hazel eyes glaring dark at the woman trying to apply blush for his rosy cheeks.

"What do you think you're doing?! This is going to make me redder!"

"Well if you just look in the mirror-" she started out saying but James shoved her hands away from trying to turn his body towards the mirror herself.

"No! No! Just take it off me!" he shouted and screeched, hands swatting and the woman looking so confused and tired. Carlos was over to the make-up table in an instant, hand comfortingly on James' thigh and other hand on James' shoulder.

"You look fine, James."

"I look _red_."

"Not at all. . .you're just perfect," Carlos said with a smile and James looked up at him. There was a certain sweet sparkle in James' eyes that Logan hadn't seen before, noting that this must be the James that Carlos always saw when they worked together. The model nervously brushed his fingers through is hair. 

"I-It's okay?"

"I wouldn't lie to you, James," Carlos said with a little laugh and gave James a good pat on the shoulder. He turned around, noticing Griffin and Logan and clasped his hands together. "Great that you're here, sir!"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Griffin said with a smile, James tilting his head to look past Carlos at the two of them. Logan saw how James' eyed dimmed at seeing his face, not realizing how he was shaking in his shoes until Carlos took his hand and pulled him over to James. The model eyed Logan up and down as Carlos placed an arm around Logan's shoulders.

"James, this is Logan. He's a new model here and I did his headshots."

"I've heard," James said with steady tone, bouncing his foot in slight agitation. Logan gave a slow swallow and nervous smile to ease his tension.

"I can't wait to see you at work," Logan said and James crossed his arms.

"I don't want just anyone at the photoshoot. Only certain people are allowed," James said rather snippily. Griffin came up behind the two of them, placing his hand on Logan's shoulder.

"He's here as one of my invited guests. That won't be too much of a problem, would it? Besides, you two might end up sharing a runway together so you might as well start becoming buddies now," he said with a humorless smile and James stared at the man before his eyes moved over to Logan.

". . .I suppose. . ." James muttered and Griffin nodded his head.

"That's more like it. . .go on and get behind the camera. Teach Logan here what a model from Rocque looks like," he said and James got out of his seat, slightly bumping Logan as he made his way over to the backdrop. Logan only looked over at Carlos, the photographer giving a sorry sigh and walked over to take his place behind the camera. Logan and Griffin followed, standing a little ways back behind Carlos and observed James get into a standing pose with hands tucked away in his pocket and thumbs hooked in his belt loops.

"You ready?" Carlos asked and James nodded his head. He then gave a sultry smile to the camera, James' hazel eyes twinkling with desire and lust as Carlos snapped the picture and the flash went off in a bright light.

"Perfect!" Carlos cheered and then took his camera, getting down on his knees in front of James to tilt the lens up towards James' face. "Give me that same look, I want it from this angle."

James smiled at him, Carlos giving a few rapid clicks of the shutter button before getting back onto his feet and moving to grab a stool. He set it down right on the taped 'X' mark, moving to also grab a white cloth and cover it nicely. He gestured to it, giving a small smile to James and the brunette nodded. He got to the ground, his large arms going over the seat of the stool and rested his chin in the forearm. Carlos placed a hand to his chin and hummed before leaning down and letting his fingers gently push James' bangs out of his face. He gave a grin and a thumbs up before running over to his camera.

Logan watched with a small smile, Carlos giving a few quick shots of James in that position before instructing the brunette to lean his head on his arm and give a pleasant smile to the lens. His hazel eyes traveled behind Carlos to look at Logan, his eyes slightly darkening and lips turning into a frown.

"Can you _not_ stare?" James asked and Logan blinked, looking around confused. Carlos looked over his shoulder at Logan before back at James.

"He's only staring at you because of how gorgeous you are," Carlos said and Logan didn't miss the blush that appeared on James' face after the Latino said that. James looked back at Logan and then back at Carlos.

"I don't like staring, okay?" James said aloud and Logan only looked at James confused. The brunette model only gave him one last glare before looking back at Carlos, rubbing his forehead and giving a small sigh. Carlos stopped looking through the lens, worried expression on his lips.

"Want to take a break? Get something to eat?" Carlos suggested and James shook his head.

"No, no I'm fine. . ." Yet James looked terrible, his face going down into his arms and Carlos glanced over to Griffin. The man wasn't saying a thing, only looking over the photoshoot with simple eyes. Carlos sighed and then glanced back over to James.

"Let's just take a break. Why don't you get something to eat, or maybe a touchup-"

"Touchup?" James asked with wide eyes and Carlos only held his hand out.

"It's only an expression-"

"Is there something wrong with my face? Is it too blotchy? It _is_ , isn't it?"

"Well maybe if you look in a mirror and just check-" Logan started out but James looked at him wild.

"I'm not going to look in a mirror! Leave me alone!" James shouted and quickly got to his feet, running off, and Carlos chased after him shouting out his name. Logan took a step forward but Griffin grabbed hold of his shoulder.

"Let him go, he likes to be alone," the CEO said simply and Logan looked at the man with worried eyes.

"But. . .is he going to be okay?"

Griffin laughed. "Of course he'll be okay, it's just a temper tantrum."

Logan didn't look so convinced that it was _just_ a temper tantrum. He looked back in the direction of where the two ran off to before back to Griffin.

"Are you sure? I mean. . .don't you think we should maybe put off the photoshoot or maybe give him some space? I-I don't _have_ to watch if he doesn't want me to-"

"Nonsense, he's fine. Besides, as long as he remains being my little money maker, he can have as many temper tantrums as he wants," Griffin said with a greedy little smile that Logan only stared at. The man clasped his hands together. "I'm going to get a sandwich," he said, strolling away without another thing said to Logan. The brunette only stood there before giving a sigh and hum, walking out past the clothes racks and past the makeup table to leave the studio, moving down the hall to sit and wait.

* * *

Logan sat and waited. . .and sat and waited. . .and sat in silence, no one coming down the hall or coming from the studio looking for him but he expected as much. Hopefully the photoshoot was going well but he didn't know what was going on in James' mind right now. It was going to be very hard to work with the brunette, that much was for certain. Seeing as though Logan didn't understand James' 'temper tantrums' like Mercedes and Jett and Griffin did nor did he see the sweet side of the model Carlos always manages to see for long.

He gave a deep breath, his feet tapping to a beat unknown and his hands drummed over his thighs, not a clock anywhere in the hallway for him to see how long has it been. Footsteps began to sound down the hallway, Logan looking up to see James briskly walking down the hallway. The brunette model didn't even seem to notice that Logan was sitting there, looking down at the ground as he walked past Logan and to the elevator. He waited for a bit, not saying anything, not making any movements until the silver doors slid open and he stepped inside. He pressed the button for the bottom floor, moving in and leaning against the wall. He raised his head, eyes meeting Logan's for only a split second, emotionless as the doors slid shut. Logan looked to his left, seeing Carlos walking down the hallway with camera in his hand and sigh coming from his lips. Carlos saw Logan, gave the man a small smile.

"So this is where you disappeared off to," Carlos said and Logan stood up, twiddling his fingers nervously.

"Well, I didn't want to be causing him any more discomfort with me looking at him. . .he okay?" Logan asked and Carlos sighed. He gave a small shrug.

"I'm not sure. . .I guess I'll talk to him when he gets home, see when he cools down." Carlos then looked over at Logan. "James _really_ is a good person, honest. He's just. . .he gets really stressed about his work."

"What's so stressful about modeling?" Logan asked and Carlos sighed.

"If you knew James like I do, a _lot_ ," Carlos murmured, the brunette pursing his lips at the sound of that.

"Well. . .I'm sorry then."

"Don't be. Just. . .I really wish Griffin would do something about it instead of just letting it go by. James isn't telling me everything when he's upset and I know _something_ is wrong. . .just not sure what." The photographer shook his head, scratched the back of his neck. "I got to get home. . .you should too."

"Yeah. . ." Logan said, the two men entering the elevator and pressing the button to go down. Carlos leaned against the back wall, rubbed his forehead and Logan gave the man a sorry expression. ". . .I think things are going to be fine."

Carlos gave a smile. "You think so?"

Logan only gave a nod of his head and Carlos hummed. "Yeah. . .I hope so too. . .really care about him." Logan smiled, giving Carlos a little nudge and Carlos laughed. "Yeah, yeah, romantic me."

"Well I hope that he's okay. . .whatever it is that's bothering him," Logan said with a small sigh. Whatever may be ailing James, Logan only hoped that it was more than just a bad temper.


	5. Chapter 5

There were no calls from Rocque asking him about modeling anything today. Or really anything at all last week. Ms. Wainwright at least gave him an allowance to last him for the time being, going on his weekly grocery shopping to get him food to prepare and eat. Other than that Logan hadn't even been out of his apartment. Half of him was worried about being corralled into another outing by Jett and Mercedes. Sometimes when he was sitting alone he'd wonder if the two were talking about him in their daily gossip. He wondered if James was wandering around the halls, or in his room, or at Rocque modeling, Logan wondering what would it be like to cross paths with only them, what would James do? He sighed, looking out to the balcony at the sunny skies trying to make their way over the tall buildings. Might be a nice day to go and get some fresh air, or to just get out and clear his mind. Besides going out to get food it felt like he was driving himself crazy not moving anywhere. Logan moved to grab his shoes and slip them on, already in a comfortable t-shirt and some old comfy jeans he brought from home. He grabbed his key, shoving it into his pocket before exiting his suite and moving down the hall to the elevator.

The lobby wasn't busy, but Logan couldn't remember a time that it was, Bitters sitting behind his desk playing pinball on his computer with maybe two or three models sitting in the lounge chairs with magazines in their laps. He was glad that Mercedes or Jett weren't lingering around in the hall, glad that he was able to walk out of the lobby without feeling nervous and worried for once. But then he paused once he heard the sound of sweet guitar music again, closing his eyes and wondering if it was too late to go back inside before the blond could notice him.

"Afternoon, Barbie," Kendall called out, and Logan looked at him with a frown. The blond's eyes gazed over Logan's face and his figure, his guitar playing slowed and fingertips plucked along the strings. "Though, I don't know if I should call you Barbie when you look like that."

Logan's hands balled into fists and his nostrils flared in anger and annoyance, stomping over to the blond perched on the bench and open guitar case with some change inside of it already.

"I'm getting tired of you picking on me because of what I look like. You don't think that I can be a model at Rocque, fine. Hog the camera if you want, but I'm not going to be scared of you," Logan said and Kendall raised an eyebrow. He stopped playing and leaned more on the body of the acoustic guitar.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're a model and you're trying to snipe at me for being a model, right?" Logan asked and Kendall shook his head, smile appearing on his face and he began to laugh.

"I'm no model, but if that's your way of saying I'm cute, you're a model too," Kendall flirted and Logan blushed.

"I-I'm not. . .you mean you don't live around here?"

Kendall shook his head but then began to shrug. "Well, the soup kitchen is maybe a couple miles away, and there's an alley beside it where I call home."

". . .You're homeless?" Logan asked astonished, now taking in Kendall's frame once more. Sure he noticed the man was skinny and rather lanky with his height, but all that may be because he was malnourished. His clothes. . .were they the same that Kendall wore the first day they met each other? They probably stunk, he probably stunk with all of the dirt and grime and trash of the alleyway and Logan found his lips turning in displeasure. Kendall hummed, shaking his head as he put his guitar back into its case, closing the lid shut and began to lock it.

"It's okay, no one wants to talk to a bum, I understand," Kendall said and Logan shook his head.

"N-No! It isn't like that at all!" Logan quickly stuttered out and Kendall smiled.

"The look on your face says it all Barbie," Kendall replied and Logan shook his head again.

"Please, I didn't. . .it was just a shock, that's all," Logan explained and Kendall hummed. ". . .So. . .you're not a model at Rocque?"

"Nope."

". . .Well then why were you being so nasty about me being a model then?" Logan asked with a frown. "Why were you acting like I shouldn't have become a model when you didn't even know a thing about me and don't even work in the modeling industry?" he asked and Kendall looked up at him, leaning down and grabbing hold of the handle to the case.

"It's a nice day today, don't you think?" Kendall asked and Logan crossed his arms.

"Don't dodge the question."

"I'm not. . .would you like to come to the park with me on this nice day?" Kendall asked and Logan bit his lower lip at the sound of that. Kendall then looked down at the ground, kicking up his sneaker and giving a small sigh. "Unless you want to just do. . .modeling. . ."

". . .I'm not busy," Logan said softly and Kendall smiled. He stuck his arm out for Logan to take, Logan giving the blond a rather wary smile before slowly hooking his arm around Kendall's. He didn't smell, in fact Kendall had that lingering aroma of warm spices and herbs on his person. And the two walked down the street alongside all of the other hustle and bustle of traffic, not speaking a word and the only sounds were the sounds around them. It felt rather. . .nice. Logan never remembered being this close to anyone before, ever since the boy he left behind back home. And even then they never walked together arm in arm and side by side.

"Do you always go to the park?" Logan asked and Kendall nodded his head.

"It's good tips, I play requests if anyone walks by," Kendall stated, giving a small shrug like it wasn't really anything. Maybe to him it wasn't, it was probably the only way for him to get money for food, and the more Logan thought about it, the more Logan felt rather bad for thinking so nasty about the blond. . .but it still bothered him. What connection to Rocque or modeling did Kendall have for him to feel so strongly against it? And James. . .he called him a 'Barbie' too. . .

Up ahead Logan could see a green park with soft hills to run over the grass and put up a picnic. Further to the center of the park was a small playground area for the kids to enjoy. Kendall led Logan onto a small sandy path that moved and curved between sets of trees and floral bushes. The sounds of the street didn't seem so loud here, the sounds of the leaves rustling in the wind seemed louder. The sound of the birds perched on the branches seemed louder. The children's laughter as they played on the jungle gym still a good ways away from them seemed louder, and strangely there was another sound Logan couldn't picture, but was thumping rhythmically and the loudest of them all. Kendall stopped in front of a bench, the two sitting down nice and close as Kendall propped his guitar down and popped open the case. He took his guitar out, the change from before squished in the old velvet lining of the beaten up case.

Kendall placed the guitar on his knee, turning to Logan with a soft smile. "Would you like to hear something?"

Logan shrugged. "I'm fine with whatever," the brunette said and Kendall nodded. He began to pluck the strings and let them dance over the nylon, notes floating from the body of the guitar and flowing into the harmony of the rest of the park, like everything just fit. Kendall was tapping his foot to a rhythmic beat, strumming up and down and getting a few taps on his guitar in here or there but no one was walking past them to appreciate it. . .unless Kendall was playing for Logan's ears only. The brunette blushed at the thought of something like that, looking away to focus attention on the way how the branches would sway in the light breeze blowing, how bright the sun was shining down on his face. "You're really good," Logan commented nonchalantly, and Kendall smiled.

"Should be if I want to make something of myself playing guitar," the blond commented and Logan looked at him with raised eyebrow.

"You want to play guitar?"

"Yeah. I mean, I got the talent for it, why not?"

"Then why are you here? Shouldn't you be in California?"

Kendall gave a soft chuckle. "I should be. . .having trouble leaving though. . ."

"What's holding you back?" Logan asked.

". . .Made some bad choices that I just can't get away from," Kendall said softly and Logan looked away, the two silent and not speaking until Kendall gave a small sigh. "Listen, I'm sorry if you think I insulted you when I reacted about you being a model for Rocque. Just. . .if you were smart, you'd get out of there while you still can," Kendall said and Logan swallowed.

"Have you. . .worked there before?"

"No," Kendall said flatly, and Logan frowned.

"Then what do you know about Rocque? Why is it such a bad thing to be working for them, it seems fine," Logan said and Kendall shook his head, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

"You're just. . .you seem smarter than hanging around a place like that. . .I'm really sorry that I got so upset about it when I don't know you. Who knows. . .maybe you'll be different. . ."

"Is different a good thing?"

Kendall gave a small smile. "For you, it's a great thing. . .listen, I sometimes play down at this little bar downtown for some cash and I was wondering if maybe. . .you would drop by sometime?" Kendall asked and Logan gave a shy little blush, knocking his knees nervously and gripping the edge of the bench seat. "I'm there every other Saturday night. And the bar is The Ocean Floor."

"'Ocean Floor'?"

"It's ocean themed, like sailors and stuff. Totally tacky but they pay okay," Kendall said with a laugh. "I mean, if you're not busy doing. . .modeling-"

"I'm sure I can come," Logan said rather quickly and then swallowed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as Kendall nodded his head

"Great. . .I guess I should be going now. Need to get in line and get my lunch-"

"I-If you want, I can. . .get you something at the bistro down the street," Logan offered and twiddled his fingers. "I mean, I'm not trying to pity you or anything but I'm sure it'll be much more filling than what they serve down there."

Kendall smiled. "You're really cute, you know that?" the blond asked and Logan gave a little laugh that faltered slightly with the heating of his cheeks as Kendall leaned over and gave a peck to the side of his face. Kendall's lips were soft and plush, not dry like Logan would have thought them to be and Kendall even hummed against his face until the blond pulled away and looked at him with soft eyes.

Logan bit his lower lip. "Um. . .thank you. . .but what was that for?"

Kendall shrugged, putting his guitar back in its case and closing the lid to buckle it down as Logan raised an eyebrow. "You give all models kisses on the cheek?"

"No. . .not in a while," Kendall murmured, not looking up at him and Logan raised an eyebrow. Just what did that mean? The blond stood up and grabbed his guitar case by its handle. He looked down at Logan still sitting on the bench and gave a sad little smile. "You know. . .you're alright. . .I just don't want you getting hurt like someone else I knew that worked for Rocque."

Logan stared at Kendall with wide and bewildered eyes, lips trying to move and ask just what and who it was the blond was talking about but he gave a wave of his hand and turn of his heel. "I'll be seeing you around, Barbie."

"You do know my name, don't you?" Logan asked and Kendall laughed.

"Course I do. . .Logan Mitchell," Kendall recited with a gentle smile and Logan nodded his head with a nervous little cough. Kendall waved goodbye and Logan waved back, the blond adjusting his hold on the guitar case as he walked back down the path they came on. Logan knocked his knees, the sun beating down over his skin. He didn't know what he got himself into accepting Kendall's offer, didn't know what was he going to do with himself until the time that he would be able to see the blond. But he finally knew something that only made him blush in embarrassment.

That loud thumping Logan heard when he and Kendall walked together with Kendall's arm draped around him was the sound of his rapidly beating heart.

Logan had been constantly weighing himself, dieting and trying to do some exercise as often as he could so the brunette was over come with glee when he saw the number on the scale. Ten pounds and he could see the light toning of muscle along his abdomen. He smiled, fingertip tracing the lightly defined abs before tugging his shirt back down and moving over to the phone to grab and dial. He waited for a few moments, tapping his foot on the tile floor of the kitchen before he heard the phone pick up.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Griffin?" Logan asked and he heard the CEO give a small chuckle.

"This the natural model?"

"Er. . .yes? Logan Mitchell?"

"Yes yes, I remember. What can I help you with?"

"Well I listened to what you suggested about losing some weight and I am glad to inform that I lost around ten pounds," Logan said with a grin and there was silence on the other line, nothing no comment, no praise and Logan began to drum his fingers on the surface of the counter. ". . .Sir?"

"Is that all?"

Logan sucked in a nervous breath. "W-Was I supposed to?"

"Well I expected a little bit more than a measly ten pounds. You'll look the same in front of the camera anyways, it adds ten pounds."

"O-Oh, I didn't know that-"

"Well now you do," Griffin said, voice strict and cold that Logan gave a shiver. He heard Griffin give a laugh before continuing on the phone. "So next time when you call me, you would have really lost some weight, correct?"

"Of course, Sir. Sorry to bother you, Sir," Logan ushered out quickly over the phone before hearing Griffin hang up on his side of the phone. Logan looked down at the device in his own hands, putting it on the counter before his hands went up to rub his forehead and give a small groan. More weight. . .but how much more weight was enough? Logan glanced at the clock behind him hanging on the wall, the mahogany hands of the clock pointing to 3:26, the brunette wondering if maybe Carlos was gong to be at Rocque today. Maybe he would know what the perfect size for a model is, after all he does all those different shots he has to make beautiful. Plus, he maybe knew how much James weighed and could ask him without fear of insulting James on accident.

Logan nodded his head, yeah, that'll be what he does and he reached over to grab his cellphone and keys, moving to toe on some sandals he left tossed in front of the store. He only got a little ways inside the hall before someone grabbed his wrist and yanked him to the side roughly. He turned, seeing that it was Jett that had his hand firmly gripping on his wrist while Mercedes was right behind him smiling devilishly.

"Hi there buddy!" Jett boasted and threw an arm around Logan's shoulder to tug him into his body and give a good shake. "Haven't seen you in a while, you trying to hide from us?"

Logan knew he should nod his head 'no' but he desperately wanted to say 'yes'. Jett's eyed were staring him down and Logan gave a nervous swallow. 

"Of course not," Logan said and Mercedes laughed. He gave a feeble laugh as well, trying to slowly move out of Jett's grasp. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go to the market and-"

"Won't you come to the bistro with us? It's the least you could do since you've been hiding in your room like a hermit," Mercedes said with a flip of her hair and Logan shook his head.

"N-No, I can't. I need to lose some weight and I want to cook-"

Jett and Mercedes both began to laugh right then and there, Logan's cheeks heating with nerves as to what was so funny to them in the first place. "On a diet? Why don't you do the easier way and just watch what you eat?" Mercedes asked and Logan bit his lower lip.

"Well I. . .I thought I was doing that." 

"No. I mean you should reduce your calorie intake. Eat a few meals a day, maybe only a granola bar or an apple-"

"I'd be starving myself, wouldn't I?" Logan asked and Mercedes rolled her eyes.

"Well you'd be losing weight. . .and it wouldn't hurt if you hit the gym," Jett snidely commented and Logan shook his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea for me to-"

Jett scoffed, his eyes darkening and narrowing in on Logan. "I see, I suppose you don't really care about becoming a model after all, huh?" he asked and Logan shook his head.

"N-No, that wasn't what I meant-"

"Because if you really want to become a model, you'd do whatever it takes. Not like you could wait, Griffin won't be interested in you if you're not out there making money for him. And you can come to the gym with me so that way you can bulk up more muscle instead of this flab," Jett mocked and pinched Logan's stomach. Logan jumped back and held his stomach, looking at the two models with worried eyes.

"B-But-"

"You're just one of those wannabes, why are you here wasting everyone's time if you're not serious enough to take drastic measures?"

"I am!" Logan shouted and Jett raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Prove it then." He eyed Logan's attire before looking back into Logan's face. "Why don't you go and get changed so we can go to the gym for a bit, huh?"

Logan gave a slow nod of his head, moving to his door quietly as Jett crossed his arms. "And I'll just wait out here for you."

"Right," Logan muttered, opening his door back once again and stepping inside fast before any of the models could just force their way inside. Logan placed his ear to the door to listen in on them, heart beating nervously.

"He's such a square, isn't he?" Mercedes said with a scoff.

"I know. . .but Griffin must see something in him. He probably won't be around here for long anyways, might as well have our fun with him," Jett said back and Logan's nails lightly clawed into the surface of the wood of the door. He was going to show them, he wasn't going to be just a one time thing. He'll do whatever it takes. . .whatever it takes. . .

It shouldn't be so hard, right? Logan could skip a few meals and exercise more to lose weight. . .not too hard. . .


	6. Chapter 6

Four days. It's been four days since Logan started starving himself, and if this was the way how he was supposed to lose weight, he was so sure he was a _stick_ by now. Every morning Jett would be at his apartment door knocking and inviting Logan out to the gym. But it wasn't like he had an option not to go, unless Logan wanted to start being criticized how he was starting to slack off and how he must not wanted to _really_ be there. And every day he would lift weights, and do the treadmill, and work his muscles raw til he was sore and limping back to his apartment to take a nice hot bath. And once he was done with that and his stomach would growl about how fatigued he was, it was only a light salad and water, or maybe if he would allow himself, a sandwich.

Four days of that and Logan felt like he could die.

But he wasn't home for tonight, instead he was wandering his way down the streets in a slight daze to head to The Ocean Floor for Kendall's tiny gig. He shouldn't be moving anywhere, shouldn't be doing anything but lying down and trying to work out this headache that was beginning to throb in his head. Besides, he hadn't seen the blond so far out of these four days and figured he might as well just drop on by.

The streets were congested, the sidewalk overcrowded with people, and the bright lights of the buildings blinded Logan as he tried to maneuver through the crowd. His eyes blinked wide, trying to keep an eye out for the sign but only seeing a blurry mess of color wherever he looked. Sometimes his body would slump over to the side when he walked, the side of his body colliding with the front of the building or maybe a window before he would steady himself and continue to walk. He should have called a taxi, maybe that would have made his condition feel a little bit more bearable. Up ahead he could see blues and yellows, the sound of some jazzy music floating in his ears, but not that melodic sweet sound of Kendall's guitar. Logan had to pause, resting against a wall and closing his eyes. Everything sounded so loud, his head pulsed and throbbed. He just needed to lie down. . .

“Logan?. . .Logan, are you okay?” he heard a voice and his eyes fluttered to see Kendall standing there, his face so close to his own. He could smell mints, his stomach growling in hunger and he gave a weak groan. Arms were around him, comforting and strong as Kendall pulled him to his body and Logan's head slumped against his chest. “Look, do you need to go home?”

“No. . .I'm fine. . .I'm just a little bit tired,” Logan murmured and he felt Kendall take his chin and tilt it upwards to look into those bottle green eyes. The lights seemed to make them sparkle and shimmer more than usual, or maybe it was Logan's own tired mind that made everything he sees glow and sparkle like some odd dream.

“You look pale. . .do you need some water?”

Logan gave a feeble nod, Kendall crouching down and scooping Logan off the ground into his arms. The brunette squeaked in embarrassment, his cheeks flushing red as his body trembled in Kendall's arms. The blond moved and pushed open the door, walking the two of them into a cloudy bar with people clinking beer glasses and trying to talk over one another to someone else while piano music played. Logan tried to turn his face, to hide it from all of the stares of Kendall carrying him in, people wondering just what might be wrong with him. He saw Kendall carry him over to a barstool, setting him down while the bartender walked over with raised bushy brow.

“What's going on here?” he asked in a gruff voice and Kendall's hand found its way onto Logan's forehead, feeling for a temperature, and Logan sighed against Kendall's cool skin. He wasn't burning but Kendall's hand was nice and soft. . .and caring.

“Do you think we could get some water for him maybe? And something for him to eat too, mozzarella sticks or a sandwich? You can take it out of my tab for tonight,” Kendall suggested, and Logan shook his head.

“No, don't do that. That's _your_ money and you need it more than I need water or something,” Logan said meekly, not making a rather convincing argument. Kendall began to frown.

“Well you need _something_.”

“Water and some mozzarella sticks on the house,” the bartender said, giving a nod to Kendall. “For all the times you come here and play, it's the least I can do for your friend here.” Logan only swallowed, mozzarella. That's a _lot_ of fat and bread and cheese and grease to try to be swallowing down. He could almost hear Mercedes and Jett clawing in the back of his head, hissing at him for allowing this to happen, that he was slipping up. A hand was on Logan's shoulder and he flinched, looking to see Kendall giving his shoulder a gentle rub.

“You sure you're going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I'll be fine.”

Kendall began to smile, shy and sweet. “It's really something that you came to sit in this seedy little bar all because I'm performing.”

“Well I. . .it's good, isn't it? Supporting you and you getting money for something you love,” Logan said with a small smile and Kendall chuckled, pulling up a stool to sit beside Logan.

“I'm not a charity case or anything, you know.”

Logan blushed. “I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything like that.”

“It's alright, it's something that I love doing so I'm glad you get to witness that without having to run off and do. . .modeling,” he mumbled and Logan raised an eyebrow.

“You always pause whenever you say that word. . .I don't understand why you don't like modeling. . .and you said someone you knew worked at Rocque-”

“Do you like it there?” Kendall asked all of a sudden, his eyes gazing into his own, trying to search for something that Logan wasn't sure of. “How are they treating you down there?”

“Um. . .” he pushed the thought of Jett and Mercedes awawy, not wanting to bring up the fact that the two models he became 'friends' with always manage to bring him down or make him feel like he didn't belong. He also pushed out James, because he wasn't sure about the brunette. There was more to him underneath the surface, and Logan didn't know just what. “I've made friends with this one photographer. He's a real sweetheart,” Logan replied with a small smile, and Kendall smiled back, one eyebrow of his raised.

“Got a crush on him or something?”

Logan blushed. “Of course not. He's smitten with someone else anyways.”

“You have someone back home waiting for you to become some big name brand model?” Kendall asked, and Logan shook his head. He only had his family back home, barely any friends, and definitely no love interests. Kendall scooted a little bit closer at that. “You mean you don't have a sweetheart of your own?”

“Can't say I do.”

Kendall chuckled. “That's a surprise. . .seeing as though you're very cute.”

Logan gave a little blush. “Maybe _you_ think so, but-”

“Well you are. You're a model after all, right?. . .Why do you want to be a model?” Kendall asked, and Logan gulped. That was going in too deep, too personal. The bartender came over with a tall glass of ice water, setting it down in front of Logan and Logan took it gingerly in his hands. Only a few sips and that was it, he couldn't drink a bunch or else his stomach will only start to growl and grow more in hunger. He took one, two, three sips before putting the glass back down on the counter. Kendall leaned more onto the counter, waiting for an answer and Logan sighed.

“I want to be a model because. . .well. . .I like the feeling. I mean. . .I like getting all dolled up and taking pictures and the thrill of it all-”

“You like feeling beautiful,” Kendall murmured, and Logan paused. He looked away from Kendall's eyes, drumming his fingers over his thighs in slight panicky nerves. “People haven't told you that you looked beautiful before, huh?”

“H-How would you know?” Logan asked, and Kendall scooted even closer, their legs against each other and hand going out to gently hold Logan's. His thumb ran over the back of Logan's hand, gentle and soothing, his eyes soft and a small smile coming to his lips.

“You remind me of someone that I used to know. . .you want people to tell you you're beautiful, but do _you_ think you're beautiful, Logan?”

“I-I don't know what you mean.”

“Well they'll shape you into anything they want because that's what _they_ think is beautiful,” Kendall said, his fingers turning over Logan's hand to press lightly in his palms. “You could be given all of the make-up in the world or be dressed in the finest clothes, but if you feel like shit then what's the point of it all?”

“I-I don't feel that way about myself.”

“That so,” Kendall said dryly, and Logan frowned, snatching his hand away and crossed his arms.

“You don't know a thing about my past, stop acting like you're the master of modeling here,” Logan hissed, and Kendall scratched the back of his head.

“Fine then, I'm sorry. . .are you going to leave?” he asked, sounding worried and Logan sighed.

“No. . .I came all the way out here, I might as well enjoy the show,” he muttered, and Kendall smiled. He took Logan's hand again, giving it a soft rub and gentle look in his eyes.

“You don't need anyone telling you that you're beautiful, understand? You need to find out for yourself,” Kendall said and Logan gave a slow nod of his head. With a squeeze, Kendall got up from his stool. “I need to get ready. Take a couple more drinks of water and when he brings out your food, eat it all so that way you don't feel all woozy like before,” Kendall said and Logan nodded his head again, this time biting his lower lip in nerves.

“Right. . .good luck.”

Kendall grinned and then leaned forward, kissing Logan's cheek again and the brunette blushed red. He saw those mischievous bottle green eyes smiling at him, the smirk on Kendall's lips.

“I will now,” he said and gave a wave of the hand, turned around and walked down past the bar and headed into a room at the back right by the stage where the piano player was still performing a few trills and melodies. Logan's fingertips brushed against the spot where Kendall had kissed him yet again, his heart thumping extremely fast. Good luck? He didn't think he could be good luck but still, the thought made his cheeks scarlet and a smile come to his lips. He was already so busy rubbing and patting at his cheeks that he didn't notice the bartender put down a small plate of the mozzarella sticks, side of marinara in a little blue bowl.

“Enjoy,” he said with a smile, refilling Logan's glass of water just a bit before moving further down the bar to tend to the other patrons. Logan looked down at the food, hot and steaming with the smell of garlic butter and basil and melted cheese making Logan's mouth water and stomach churn. He picked up only one, raising it to his lips to take a feeble bite of it. The taste and flavors exploded on his tongue, cheese hot and gooey, breading nice and crunchy. Logan tried to swallow it slow, but his hunger got the best of him. He bit off two, three more chunks until he had swallowed all of the mozzarella stick.

“ _You're going to be so_ _ **fat**_ _. What a disgusting pig.”_

“ _I know, right? What makes him think he'll be any good to be a model like we are?”_

Mercedes and Jett. Those voices that felt so close in his ear, like both of their lips were only inches away and all of the noises of the bar drowned out. He could see Kendall coming out onto the stage with guitar strapped on his back and waving at the crowd. He was waving at Logan too, he was looking at Logan but Logan felt absolutely numb as the voices crawled and hissed in his head.

“ _You're such a loser, that's why no one likes you. Maybe if you looked decent instead of stuffing your face, you would already have a boyfriend that loves you. You would be making money and everyone would actually_ _ **like**_ _you.”_

“ _No one is going to like you. Not even Kendall, what would he want with someone like you? Once Griffin sees you're still the same plain looking shrimp from Texas, you're out of here.”_

Everything was so blurry, Logan couldn't even hear Kendall playing the guitar, but he could see Kendall's arm moving up and down as he strummed, his body swaying from left to right and lips moving to sing, but Logan could hear no words.

“ _James doesn't like you, we don't like you, Carlos is only pitying you because he feels sorry for you. He knows what real beauty is, he gets to look at James every single day of the week.”_

“ _You don't really want this. You don't belong here, you know you don't belong here. Why don't you just get your things and stop wasting everybody's time with your irrelevance?”_

Logan's mouth was dry, his throat felt hoarse and his chest felt heavy as he tried to get up from the stool for some fresh air. His head swelled the moment his feet were on the ground, stumbling over to the side as everything mixed and turned into a blurry painted mess. He hit the ground, hard, and the breath he was trying to take was knocked right out of him. There were gasps, there were screams, there were hands over his body trying to help him up but he couldn't open his eyes. Everything hurt, everything in his body was tired and all he wanted to do was sleep. . .

_Logan tried to keep his breathing steady, tried to let his mind calm him and think this through as he threw all of his clothes into the suitcase. He was done with this, he was done feeling like he wasn't anything in this town. He was done feeling invisible and was done with all of the horrid feelings about that boy he thought he once loved. He stopped for only a second to put his wrist to his forehead and take a breath, his body shaking and convulsing from all of this pent up anger. He'll find a new life in New York where no one would know him. He'll have a new start, he could be someone else that people will love and adore. Never again. . .never again was he going to feel so. . ._

_Worthless. . ._

* * *

 

A sterile scent floated into Logan's nose, his head clouded and eyes stinging at the bright white lights above him. His eyes fluttered a bit, not ready and trying to adjust as his cheek turned more into the white pillow his head was resting upon. Funny, he didn't remember going home. Matter of fact he barely remembered anything that happened at all. How did he get here and where was _here?_ His vision slowly began to clear, now seeing bright lights hanging over him and his fingers clenching tight to the light blue bedsheets of a hospital bed. He looked over to his left where an IV stand with little tubes going down into his arm was right by a heart monitor beeping rhythmically.

How did he wind up here? What happened?

He tried to turn his head, seeing Kendall there sitting across from him in a sleep of his own. He stirred, trying to sit up in his bed and rustling his bedsheets. He saw Kendall take in a tired sigh, his eyes fluttering open and he gave his long legs a stretch as he sat up straighter in his chair. He looked over at Logan with warm eyes, getting onto his feet and walking over to kneel beside the bed.

“So you're awake,” he said more than asked, Logan looking around confused.

“How did I get here?” he asked and Kendall took Logan's hand, gently rubbing his thumb over the open palm.

“You passed out cold while I was performing, someone called 911 and they whisked you away to emergency only to find out you're _heavily_ malnourished, hence that IV strand,” Kendall pointed out and Logan looked at it meekly. All because of that self-starving he's been doing, he only hoped that him being in the hospital didn't get back round to Rocque. Who knows what kind of nasty things Jett and Mercedes could be saying about him now. Kendall then looked at Logan with furrowed eyebrows. “I noticed that you weren't eating or drinking much. . .are you okay?”

Logan gulped. “I. . .I'm fine, really.”

“You said that before and now look where you are,” he replied and Logan bit his lower lip.

“Really, I'm fine. . .I'm just a little bit tired, that's all.”

Kendall frowned, he didn't believe him. Logan was growing more and more nervous, his heart speeding and beeping radically from the heart monitor. His throat was feeling painfully dry, not knowing what to say or what to do to make Kendall stop staring at him and drag the truth out with his eyes. He can't tell him the truth, he didn't need him to ridicule about being a model again. He couldn't _stand_ any more of these teasing and taunting voices in his head saying he shouldn't be here.

His fingers clutched tight into the bedsheets. “Kendall, I promise you I'm fine. I was a bit tired and sick, I couldn't really eat much of anything that night. . .do you know when I can go?” 

“When they think you're fine to walk around, you can go,” Kendall replied and Logan bit his lower lip. 

“Did you wait here for me to wake up?. . .Did you get paid at the bar?” Logan asked worriedly and Kendall smiled. 

“Yeah, I got paid. And I got a decent meal from the hospital cafeteria too,” Kendall responded, and then pressed a palm down on the bed Logan was lying in. “Though I wish they would have a bed to spare so I can lie down on. Kinda killer to be sleeping on a bed of cardboard."

Logan gave a slow nod, feeling so sorry for the blond beside him. He then glanced around, trying to lift himself up a little bit more and began to scoot over to the side of the bed closest to the IV bag. Kendall watched him with confused eyes, Logan feeling his head throb and already like he was going to pass out once again from just moving like this. He gave the empty spot he made beside him a small pat. “Come on, climb in. It must have been uncomfortable sleeping in that chair,” Logan offered gently, and Kendall looked at him with small surprise. 

“You're. . .you mean that?” he asked and Logan nodded his head, cheeks tinting a light pink.

“You don't have to but-” Kendall swung a leg up, climbing into the bed and lying down on his side face to face with Logan. He gave such a content sigh, like he's never slept on something so soft before in his life, Logan smelling the tingling scents of apples and blueberries. Must have been serving fruit salad at the cafeteria. His eyes seemed to smile for him, bright and happy that Logan couldn't help but smile back.

“Comfy?”

“Should be asking you that, you're the one that's all wired up,” Kendall asked and Logan sighed, trying to turn his body to make him a bit more comfortable. He felt Kendall move his arm, opening up some space for him to lie down beside and felt Kendall's fingers go up to gently play through his hair. He looked up at the blond with a crooked eyebrow.

“See you're making yourself comfortable,” Logan said dryly, and Kendall smiled, cheekily sticking out his tongue before nuzzling more into one of the white pillows propped up.

“Don't get something like this quite often. Lying in a bed besides a model, how many people can say that?” he asked and Logan smiled. Kendall's hand went back up to thread through Logan's locks once more. “Are you sure you'll be alright?” he asked and Logan nodded his head.

“I'll be just fine, I promise. . .I'm sorry that I couldn't get the chance to watch you perform,” Logan said and Kendall scoffed.

“Any time you want me, I'll play you you're own song. . .no charge.”

The brunette rolled his eyes but still said, “Okay then.”

And they lied there, Kendall just running fingers through Logan's hair, sometimes tracing short nails over Logan's scalp before down the nape of his neck and then back up again. He listened to Kendall give soft hums and whistle a tune, gentle and kind. Logan couldn't help but be lulled back into a state of sleep once more, body exhausted and weak. But he didn't hear the screeching voices of Mercedes or Jett.

He only heard Kendall's soft whistling and felt those gentle fingers over his skin.


	7. Chapter 7

"Fourteen pounds," Griffin said with an eyebrow raised, walking around Logan with arms behind his back and rather judging of the brunette standing before him. Logan still felt rather meek, though his arms were starting to bulk up in muscle and his stomach was gaining definition. He twiddled his fingers as Griffin stopped in front of him and stroked his chin. "It's not bad, but it's not  _great_ either."

"I'll keep dieting, sir," Logan said with a tired sigh, and Griffin nodded his head, smile on his face.

"Good, I like to see determinism in a model. Which is why I invited you to this photoshoot," Griffin replied and gestured to all around them. It was a white studio, not like the one Logan's been in before but still clean and elegant. Logan gave a slow nod of his head and then looked over to the CEO.

"Whose photoshoot are we watching now?" Logan asked, and Griffin grinned big.

"You're not  _watching_ the photoshoot, you're  _in_ the photoshoot," Griffin corrected, and Logan's eyes widened. Griffin's smile grew bigger in delight, crossing his arms and giving a small shrug. "I figured it must be boring sitting around your apartment, so why not lighten things up with your first official photoshoot. Plus, it'll motivate you to lose a bit more weight so you can start practicing walking down the runway," Griffin said with a waggle of his eyebrows, and Logan nodded his head, color flushing to his pale face at the thought of that. Dressed in the finest clothes and walking down the runway for all to see him, flashing pictures of him, talking about him and making him tomorrow's news. A chill ran up his spine, this was  _it_.

Griffin gestured over towards the back of the studio. "Why don't you get dressed and head for makeup, we're on a time slot after all," he said and Logan nodded his head fast with a big smile on his face.

"Of course sir! Thank you so much!" Logan chirped and turned, slightly stepping to the side in a daze before steadying himself and rushing over to the back where clothes were all on a rack and tagged individually. He went to the rack, fingers pushing and feeling along the fabric for his own set of clothes until he picked a tag and raised it up a bit to see what was written. ' _Camille Rogers_ '. Logan raised an eyebrow, seeing that it  _was_ attached to a dress. . .must be a couple photoshoot. He hadn't heard of this model before, hadn't seen her before either, but Logan only hoped she was nicer than Jett or Mercedes and not as easily to agitate like James was.

He moved more to what appeared to be the male clothing and pulled on the tag to read, eyes widening in nerves. ' _James Diamond_ '.  _James_  was in the shoot too. His head whirled around, not seeing the brunette model anywhere in sight, wondering if he was in makeup right now or something. And if James was in the photoshoot, that must mean that Carlos was doing the photography as well. That slightly calmed Logan, letting go of the tag and moving to search the clothes again until he finally found the set of clothes with his name tagged on them. A white button up shirt with a velvety black blazer, deep blue denim jeans with white patterns on the back pockets. He took the ensemble off the rack, grinning at the clothes before holding them close to his chest and moving to the changing rooms.

There were three booths with violet curtains, Logan reaching a hand out to pull back one and step inside. But when he did, his eyes were met with the slim and curvy figure of a brunette woman, only in her underwear and getting into a black mini-dress. She looked over her shoulder at Logan with wide eyes, Logan blushing and quickly pulling the curtain back closed.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't know it was occupied!" he shouted out and rushed into the dressing booth beside the one she was in. Luckily this one was empty, Logan hanging his clothes on the silver hook mounted on the wall. He took a moment to clear his mind of that embarrassing moment that just happened, fingers going down to pull off the shirt he was wearing and fold it to place on the bench behind him. He then took the shirt that was hanging on the hook, material feeling so gentle and rich between his fingers before the curtain was yanked open and he jumped.

It was the woman, smiling a mischievous smile and fully dressed in her mini-dress this time. Her eyes flickered up and down Logan's body, the brunette stunned and clutching the shirt tight in his fists.

"There, we're even," she said with a flirty wink and closed the curtain. Logan stared and gave a gulp, slipping on the shirt and buttoned it up. He then unbuckled his belt, shimmied out of his worn and washed out jeans to put on the bench beside his shirt. His legs were so pale and skinny, barely any muscle developing on his thighs as he tugged on the jeans that rested on his hips. Logan wished there was a mirror in the small booth at least so he could see what he looked like all dressed up, slipping on the black sneakers and adjusting his collar before taking his other clothes and the hangers. He stepped out of the booth, peering around for the woman just in case she was lingering around to jump him before he exited out and made his way down the hall to the makeup stations.

A woman yanked him into the chair before he could even speak, taking his face between her hands to examine and scowl upon.

"I've seen worse," she said, like Logan was supposed to take that as a compliment, and she grabbed some cans and tubes of makeup to pop open and began to apply it to Logan's face. The makeup felt strange, creams to hide any blemishes or bumps on his cheeks, and blush to make him not appear so pale and bland. He barely had time to even glance at himself, the woman smearing all of the makeup over his face and turning him round and round in the chair until he was positively dizzy. Logan tried to swallow down his nerves as she grabbed at his chin and tilted his head from side to side to examine her work.

". . .Am I done?" Logan asked and she rolled her eyes.

"As much as you'll ever be," she said and released his chin, Logan giving a small gulp before turning to face the mirror. His face was perfectly rosy and even, his eyes looked bigger and his face appeared younger, like he was only seventeen instead of twenty two. She gave him a hit on his shoulder, shooing him away from the makeup station for her to clean up and Logan looked at her with a rather frustrated expression before sighing and moving down the hallway. He hadn't seen James at all. Was he really going to be here at the photoshoot with him or was he coming for a later shoot? What if it was just him and that woman? His heart sped at the thought of her and her mischievous smile, turning around and making his way onto the set, everything a blank white with cameras and lights all set up.

Logan saw Carlos trying to organize the positions of some lighting, the brunette smiling happily to see a familiar face and walked over to the Latino. He tapped on Carlos' shoulder, the man turning around and grinning big at Logan.

"Look at you!" he said and did a small turning motion with his finger, Logan turning around in a circle for Carlos to get a good look at him and a big smile was on his face.

"These clothes are wonderful, I didn't even expect for me to be doing a photoshoot so soon," Logan said and Carlos smiled.

"Well, I talked to Griffin about it. It would be nice getting a couple of shots of my two favorite models together," Carlos said with a playful nudge to Logan's shoulder. Logan raised an eyebrow. "Who's your other favorite model?" he asked, and his question was answered by James appearing right beside Carlos in an instant, hazel eyes glaring darkly at Logan.

"What are you doing here? This is a private photoshoot," James hissed and Carlos turned to James with a small smile.

"He's  _in_ the photoshoot, actually. . .that isn't a problem, is it?" Carlos asked and James just stared at Logan, his thin lips pursed tight in annoyance and anger as he balled his fists.

". . .No. . .not a problem at all. . ." James said, his voice quiet and angry as Logan felt his body shake under the model's gaze. Carlos placed a hand on James' shoulder and the brunette whirled to look at the small photographer with a light blush hinting over the bridge of his nose.

"You sure? Last thing I want is you upset during a photoshoot," Carlos said concerned and James nodded his head.

"I'm fine, Carlos," James said and Carlos smiled. He rubbed James' shoulder and tilted his head over behind him to the snack table.

"Why don't you get something to eat before we start?"

"I'll be fine," James said quickly, his face seeming to pale despite the the enhancements placed on his face by the makeup artists at the sound of that. Carlos only gave a slow nod to that, giving a wave to Logan before departing. Logan waved back, looking over to find James continuing to glare at him and he placed his hand down awkwardly.

". . .There's nothing between me and Carlos," Logan said and James crossed his arms.

"Just stay out of my shot when he takes the picture," he grumbled and moved past Logan with an upturned nose. Logan looked over his shoulder, watched as the model moved to the snack table where there was an assortment of muffins and fruit and granola bars, little cheese and cracker displays. James stood in front of the table, his arms not moving as he stared at the food. Logan could feel his own stomach begin to growl in hunger at the thought of eating again, his eyes moving to flicker onto the display of little finger sandwiches ready to be taken and eaten. Then James balled his fists and moved to snatch a bottle of water off the end of the table, stormed away from the food with head down.

Logan didn't speak to anyone else, just sat on a stool in a corner until it was time to start.

* * *

Logan found out the woman's name was Camille, the other tag in the mixture of clothes on the rack. Only way he knew that out was when her lips brushed against his ear as they all crouched down for the first picture with her sandwiched between him and James, whispering it light and sweet. Logan's face immediately went red from her touch, Carlos having to do over the picture and Logan further irritating James. Camille only seemed to flirt more and more every time Logan provided a response to her actions, blushing wild or looking awkwardly at Carlos if this was the right thing to do for the shot. James wouldn't say anything to Logan, he didn't need to. All he had to do was send a nasty look Logan's way and the brunette would have already spoken enough.

Sometimes Logan would notice how Carlos would put in the extra effort to give a smile to James, to give a thumbs up to the brunette model that upset and frustrated and that in turn would make James blush red and avert his gaze. His hands would then go up and fingertips pick at his red cheeks or slightlty twitch as he tried to brush fingers through his hair. As if he was trying to correct something instead of receive Carlos' praise. He didn't stare long though, since James' eyes would then glance in Logan's direction and darken with anger, turning away to face the camera and get into his next pose. What was Logan doing wrong? Where was the 'wonderful James' Carlos somehow managed to see but all Logan could see was hostility? All he could do was sigh, hope that the photoshoot would be over and he could get back to the apartment complex.

Maybe see if Kendall was in the park, after all he was the only company outside of Rocque that he enjoyed spending time with.

Logan's cheeks heated at the thought of the blond, prompting another redo from Carlos and another scowl sent from James. Logan scratched the back of his neck as Camille gave a little giggle.

"You get red really easy, don't you?" the brunette woman teased as she let her hands slide onto Logan's waist. Logan gave a nervous swallow as she hugged her body against him, Logan only trying not to break his expression and require Carlos to do another shot. James wrapped an arm around Logan's shoulder, casually leaning weight into Logan's body and his expression was moot. Logan could smell the scent of cologne all over James' body, like the man  _marinated_ in it rather than gave a few spritzes. His nose wrinkled a bit from the intoxicating aroma but managed to clear his head and take a proper picture when Carlos did a mini countdown. The photographer pulled the device away from his face, showing his bright and kind smile.

"I think we have enough shots for today, that's a wrap!" Carlos so happily announced and James broke away from Logan as quickly as possible. The taller brunette began to walk away but Carlos quickly chased after him. Logan began to step forward but Camille jumped in his path, smiling at him with hungry eyes.

"We haven't properly introduced ourselves, have we?" she asked and Logan shook his head, eyes moving to watch James and Carlos. The smaller man was comfortably rubbing James' arm up and down, James staring back down at him with a softer expression, a look Logan hadn't seen on the model's face before. "My name is Camille Rogers. . ." Logan's face was gently turned back to looking into Camille's, her eyes flirty and sparkling. "I've been modeling for a while here at Rocque."

"Logan Mitchell. . .this is my first photoshoot," Logan said and Camille gave a rather exaggerated gasp.

"I wouldn't have thought that! You're such a  _natural_ in front of the camera. . .and you're very easy on the eyes if I do say so myself," she said with a little laugh and Logan uneasily laughed with her. He subtly glanced over to where James and Carlos were standing, finding that the brunette had already departed to get changed back into his clothes. Carlos was walking back to them however, small smile on his lips.

"I see you two are getting acquainted with each other?" Carlos asked and Camille nodded her head, taking her hand and letting it slide over Logan's developing arms.

"Yes, I think I'll like this new model," she said with a sultry tone, the entire situation growing more awkward and uncomfortable to Logan as seconds continued to tick by. Carlos smiled, not even noticing Logan's discomfort as he turned to face the brunette.

"The photos will maybe get done in around a day or two, I'm going to take James out for a smoothie," Carlos replied and Logan smiled.

"A smoothie  _date_?" the man asked and Carlos' cheeks blushed. He scratched the back of his neck as he kicked his foot up a little bit.

"Just us getting something to drink, nothing more. . .even if I  _do_ want it to be a date," Carlos said and then sighed. He gave a little wave. "I'll see you guys later!" he said and turned on his heel, quickly walking in the direction James departed to. Logan began to walk away as well but a hand grabbed his arm and yanked him back. A startled noise escaped his lips as he felt Camille's other hand gently trace up his chest and play with the buttons on his shirt.

"We weren't finished talking," she cooed and Logan swallowed a large lump, cold sweat breaking out over his brow. "I'm rather famished, are you? Care to join me for some lunch?"

"I-I didn't bring my wallet with me so I don't-"

"No need, I meant at my apartment in the complex. You live there too, don't you?" she asked and Logan feebly shook his head. She smiled, her teeth a perfectly pearly white and her thin lips a daring contrast of pink. "Then what's the problem?" she asked and Logan felt his body tense.

"Nothing. . .no problem at all," Logan said through his nervous teeth and she grinned. Her hand went up and a nail teased down a thumping vein in Logan's neck, the woman feeling Logan's fast beating pulse and gave a smile.

"Nervous? I don't bite. . .unless you want me," she cooed and Logan pulled away.

"I-I got to change," Logan blurted out and Camille gave a nod of her head.

"Yeah, I do too. . .I'll see you outside in the hall then," she replied with a flirty wink and sauntered away to the dressing rooms. Logan watched with nervous eyes, only trying to comprehend what he had just done.

* * *

Camille was a very touchy feely woman, her hands gripping and pulling Logan close to her body as they walked down the street from Rocque to the complex and her round hips bumping into his sides. Logan only tried to be polite, he could use some new friends in the modeling agency other than Carlos and she  _did_ seem like a genuinely nice person. She always laughed in a light and jovial voice, her fingertips smoothed over the back of his hand as they walked inside in the lobby soft and gentle. And when she would flip her long hair back, Logan would manage to catch a whiff of her shampoo, sweet like cherries and flowers.

The two of them walked to the elevator and Camille pressed the top floor button, Logan glancing around the lobby in hopes that Mercedes or Jett doesn't see him with the woman and would berate him about it later. Logan glanced back down at her from feeling her squeeze his arm against her breast, her eyes sinful and lusting. "I haven't seen a model like you in a long time," she said in a hushed whisper and the doors slid open. She pulled Logan inside quickly and the doors slid back closed, Logan trying to swallow down his nerves at being in such a tight space with the woman.

"G-Griffin says I got a natural look. . .well  _a lot_ of people down at Rocque say I got a natural look," Logan said with a nervous little smile and she gave a giggle.

"Very natural," she said and her hand went up to tease the tips of Logan's hair. Her body pressed into his and Logan felt himself being pushed into the corner of the elevator. Nowhere to run to and he have a nervous squeak from feeling Camille's knee gently brush in between his legs. The doors opened and Logan quickly got out, sucking in a few nervous breaths as Camille walked out after him. "Are you okay?" she asked, her hand going to rub Logan's back in slow circles. Logan moreso flinched at her touch than was calmed by it, taking in a deep breath before looking back over at Camille.

"I  _really_ should be getting back to my own apartment now though-"

"Aw but why? My apartment is right here," she said, jutting her lower lip out in a pout and places a hand on the doorknob. "At least have a drink with me, I just bought a nice bottle of champagne and orange juice, care for some mimosas?" she asked and Logan scratched the back of his neck.

"I don't really drink."

"Please, Logan? It's been a  _long_ time since I had guests. . .I'm not really the most popular model around here," she said sadly and Logan looked at her with a sorry expression. He knew how that felt, not like he had anyone else around here either.

"Well. . .maybe I can stay for just a little-"

"Great!" she chirped and grabbed Logan's wrist, opening her door and yanking him inside before he could say anything else. Camille's apartment was composed of different shades of brown. The carpet was a mocha chocolate, the couch a suede leather and the cinnamon brown, thin curtains were pulled back to let in the sunlight. Camille turned to face Logan, her lips regaining that sexual smile. "Why don't you sit down and take off your shoes, relax. I'll be right back, I'm going to slip into something more comfortable," she said and walked down the hall with a sway in her hips. Logan awkwardly glanced around, his toes curling in his shoes. He walked over and sat down on the ottoman, knocking his knees and glancing at the door every so often. Maybe he could make an escape, maybe he could get out and she would-

"How do you like it here so far?" she called out from her bedroom and Logan gulped.

"Uh, it's nice! Really!. . .Great place. . ."

"Have you met any other models besides me and James?" she asked and Logan twiddled his fingers.

"Uh. . .no, not really!" Logan shouted back. He didn't want this event being traced back to Mercedes or Jett, Logan didn't know if the woman was rather chummy with them or not. He heard Camille give an exaggerated 'aw'.

"Are you shy?"

". . .I uh. . .I guess you could say that," he muttered, scratching the back of his neck before he glanced up and his eyes widened at the sight. There she was, Camille dressed in a thin and silky bathrobe that ended at her thighs. The clothing was open to reveal black lingerie, her skin a milky white and her chest rising with short little breaths. She leaned on the wall, giving Logan an innocent smile.

"There's nothing to be shy about around here," she said and Logan got to his feet immediately.

"I need to go," Logan said in a nervous rush and began to head towards the door but Camille grabbed his wrist.

"Oh but we haven't had drinks yet!" she shouted and yanked Logan back, the man falling onto the ottoman as Camille threw a leg over his lap and straddled his waist. She pushed the robe back, sticking out her chest as she smiled down at Logan's blushing face. "Do you see something you like?" she asked in a light whisper and Logan shook his head.

"C-Camille, I can't do this. I-I'm gay," he stuttered out and Camille smiled. She took Logan's hand into hers and placed it on her breast, making Logan squeeze his fingers for him as she threw her head back and gave a pleasured gasp. She then slid his hand up to her mouth, her lips wrapping around one of his fingers to lightly suck on and Logan grimaced. He squirmed underneath her, trying to break free but Camille held her place on top. "Camille,  _please._ I'm gay, I don't like this. I don't like women so  _stop_."

"You're just saying that cause your shy," she cooed and Logan gave a groan.

"No, I'm saying that because I want you to  _stop!_ " Logan shouted, his hands moving to her soft hips and yanking her off of his body. Camille tumbled to the floor and Logan immediately got to his feet. "I'm sorry, I need to go."

"B-But you can't go!"

"Yes I can and I will," Logan said with a frown, and began to walk to the door until he stopped at what the woman said.

"Ugh, you are as difficult as  _Kendall_ was!" Camille screeched and Logan turned around, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Kendall?. . .The blond Kendall that plays guitar?" Logan asked and Camille quickly rushed over to Logan, throwing her arms around his shoulders and planting her lips onto Logan's. The kiss was sweet from her lipgloss and completely forced. Logan managed to break away, furiously wiping his mouth as Camille frowned. He gave a nervous swallow as he looked over the woman's face. "Camille, I'm gay. I'm sorry but I'm not the right guy for you. . .so you know Ken-"

"If you're not going to give me what I want, I'm not going to give you what you want. Get out!" she yelled and Logan placed a hand on the knob, jiggling it a little bit.

"But you said Kendall-"

"Out! Get out  _now!_ " she hissed and shoved Logan out of the way to open the door herself. She grabbed the brunette's wrist and then tossed him out into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind him. Logan looked over his shoulder at the closed door before glancing down both ways into the empty hallway. He sucked in a breath and ran a hand through his hair as he collected his thoughts; Mercedes and Jett were  _nothing_ compared to the level of crazy Camille was. The brunette hastily walked down to the elevator, jabbing his finger at the down button before he wrapped arms around himself. His heart was beating so fast and his mind was swirling with thoughts. Confused and embarrassed, Logan was only happy that he was out of there. Though, he didn't know what to do when he should cross paths with Camille again.

Probably the same thing with James, awkward and friendship forced for the camera but secretly hating Logan's guts the moment the flashes stop.

The door slid open and Logan stepped inside, but instead of pushing the button for his floor, he pushed it for the ground floor. Something she said about Kendall made Logan curious, even if it might not be the Kendall he's thinking about. Could she be the person he mentioned? The one that he cared about but lost to Rocque? Logan didn't knew anything about the mysterious guitar player and he was so curious to find out. So the moment that the doors slid open, Logan quickly walked through the lobby with his hands balled into fists and determined look in his eyes.

He was going to find out about Kendall, one way or another.


	8. Chapter 8

There was only one soup kitchen that was a close enough walking distance to both The Ocean Floor and the apartment complex. The outside exterior of the building was shabby and dreary, the sidewalk littered with the dirt and garbage that flew in from the alleyway on the wind. Logan didn't know for sure if this was where Kendall got his meals but if it was, it could be possible they know about where he was living.

As Logan approached the soup kitchen, he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. He turned, seeing a man huddled up against the wall in dirty clothes staring at him, scraggly beard on his face and wild, black greasy hair. Logan gulped before he cautiously approached him, nervously sticking hands into his pockets.

"Do you by any chance. . .know if Kendall goes here? Blond man with a guitar?" Logan asked and the man held out his hands.

"Money? Money, sir?" he asked and Logan bit his lower lip.

"I-I didn't bring my wallet-" Another man appeared from the shadows of the alleyway with hand outstretched to Logan. Logan shook his head. "N-No, I don't have anything," he stuttered, but it just seemed like they began to edge closer, their eyes scanning over his rather expensive clothing. Logan felt a hand grab his shoulder and he screamed, trying to yank himself away so he could make a run for it but the hand pulled him back. He looked over his shoulder to see who it was, eyes closing in relief at seeing the familiar face of Kendall with his guitar in his other hand. The blond reached down and took his hand, leading Logan away from the alleyway.

"What are you doing coming around a place like this dressed like that?" Kendall asked, stopping by a small pub a few blocks down from the soup kitchen. He let go of Logan's hand to lean against the black and rusted out gate around a small outside eating area. "Those men could have robbed you thinking you were rich and lying to them. . .what are you doing out here anyways, babe?" Kendall asked and Logan blushed red at the name, looking down at the dirty sidewalk as he twiddled his fingers.

"Well I. . .I wanted some answers from you," Logan began and Kendall tilted his head to the side as he sat down his guitar case.

"That depends, will I like the questions?"

"It's about Rocque,"'Logan further explained and Kendall frowned.

"Not sure I care to answer your questions," he replied bluntly and Logan frowned himself, stepping closer to the taller man.

"Did you know someone by the name of Camille Rogers?" Logan asked and Kendall's eyebrows furrowed, his lips turning downwards in a displeased grimace.

"I don't know who you're talking about."

"I don't believe you," Logan said quietly and Kendall rolled his eyes, giving a huff and looking away from Logan's face.

"Don't know why you shouldn't, I don't know any of your little model friends," Kendall said and Logan bit his lower lip.

"Then how could you have known she was a model before I even told you if you  _really_ don't know who she is?" Logan asked and Kendall paused. He began to shake his head and chuckle a bit before he glanced back over to Logan.

"What are you, some detective?" Kendall asked and Logan took in a small breath as Kendall shoved hands down into his pockets. "Well listen, I don't know. I just figured since you probably haven't had the time to meet other people that she was a model at Rocque. I never met her before and I never seen her before or know if she's seen me," Kendall explained and Logan bit his lower lip. He should believe that, but he just didn't. Kendall's eyes knew he didn't believe it either and the blond gave a huff as he paced hands on his hips. "Now what do you want?" Kendall asked and Logan frowned.

"I want the truth," Logan said and Kendall growled.

"I am telling you the truth!"

"What are you  _hiding?_ " Logan questioned and Kendall looked away from him again, his lips pulled in a scowl.

"You should just get out of here, before someone mugs you," the blond murmured as he gently began to push Logan away, but the model remained firm and in his spot.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what you're trying to hide from me. And you  _are_  trying to hide something, Kendall," Logan said sternly while Kendall glared at him.

"Look, just get out of here-"

"No!"

"Strut your pretty little model's ass  _back_ to that complex where you belong!" Kendall yelled and Logan gave a nervous swallow.

"Make me," he said shakily. He couldn't remember the time that he last stood up for himself, usually Logan would hide in the shadows and avoid confrontation no matter what. So he was expecting for Kendall to shove him or for Kendall to hit him, he closed his eyes tight and waited for the fist to hit his face. Instead he felt hands slide over his waist and his feet leaving the ground, Logan's eyes widening as he was flung over Kendall's shoulder and the blond grabbed his guitar case. "W-What are you doing?! Put me down!" Logan shouted as the blond began to walk down the street.

"Nope. I'll put you down when we're at the complex," Kendall sad simply and Logan frowned, beginning to hit Kendall's back and squirm in the blond's grasp. His cheeks were flushed in embarrassment; must have been an amazing sight to see a bum with a model flung over his shoulder. Logan dropped his head in defeat, only hoping that this embarrassment would end soon.

* * *

By the time Kendall managed to get to the apartment complex, Logan felt his hands were numb. His whole  _body_ felt numbed and tired, not bothering to squirm or thrash around in Kendall's grasp any longer. Kendall stopped in front of the bench outside, setting his guitar case down before he put his hands back on Logan's waist and pulled him back down to the ground.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have an alleyway that I need to be getting to," Kendall said dryly and Logan grabbed his hand again, the words spewing from his mouth faster than he could think.

"Why don't you stay here with me?" Logan asked and Kendall stared, the smaller man feeling his cheeks beginning to grow hot with nerves.

"No. No, I can't," Kendall said rather quickly and tried to pull away his hand. Logan only held onto it more firm, his eyebrows furrowing hard.

"You mean you would rather sleep on the cold and dirty floor of an alleyway than in a warm and comfortable apartment?" Logan asked and Kendall sighed. "I'm not going to leave you alone if you leave now. I'll just follow right after you and keep coming after you until I find out answers. I want to know more about you, Kendall," Logan said and Kendall looked over Logan's face.

"I don't know if I want you to know some things about me," Kendall murmured and Logan squeezed his hand.

"Well then I want you to know some things about me. . .just stay for the night?" the brunette asked softly and Kendall gave the brunette a little smile and grabbed his guitar case. Logan began to pull Kendall inside the lobby, sneaking him past Bitters who was asleep at his desk. Kendall began to walk a little bit more faster with his head whirling to look around nervously as Logan approached the elevator. By the time Logan pressed the button for the elevator, he could feel Kendall  _shaking_ in his grasp and he turned to look at the blond confused. "What's wrong?"

"Just nervous," Kendall said a bit hoarsely and the doors slid open, Kendall hurrying inside along with Logan. The doors slid closed and Kendall released Logan's hand to run a nervous hand through his hair. "I'm not sure about this, wouldn't you get in trouble for having me here? It's only models allowed. . .or so I heard," Kendall said hastily and Logan raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think it would be a problem if you're not doing anything. And I'll tell Ms. Wainwright of the situation so someone at Rocque knows about it," Logan said and Kendall slumped against the wall, closing his eyes and gave a tired sigh. Logan turned back towards the doors sliding open once again, gently pulling Kendall out and down the hall to his apartment door. He gave a look over at the blond standing behind him as he got out his keys. "Come on, relax. Why are you freaking out so much-"

Logan paused as he heard someone's voice float down the hallway. Not just anyone's voice,  _Mercedes'_ voice. Logan's eyes widened and he quickly stabbed his key into the slot, taking off the lock and opening the door to yank Kendall inside quickly. He tried to get in the apartment fast as well but could already hear the blond woman beginning to scream out his name and he paused. Logan closed the door shut and stood in front of the door with his back against the wood as Mercedes and Jett drew close with curious eyes.

"Heard that you had a photoshoot today, how did it go?" Jett asked though Logan wasn't sure if the brunette even cared. Logan gave a nervous smile and an awkward laugh, scratching the back of his neck as he averted his eyes.

"Oh well, went fine and all. But I'm  _really_ tired so I'll just be going now," Logan said nervously, trying to open his door and slip inside his apartment. Mercedes raised an eyebrow.

"What did Griffin say?" she asked and Logan gave a gulp.

"Um. . .I look fine. Just fine. . .goodbye now," he said in a rush and opened the door just enough for him to slip inside and he quickly slammed it closed. Logan locked the door and placed his ear on the door, listening in to see if they were still lingering by the door. He  _could_ hear voices, but they were muffled and quiet. The two must have continued walking down the hall again, no doubt talking about him and saying nasty things. He gave a sad sigh and turned, Kendall sitting on the couch looking at the brunette with a raised eyebrow.

"Something you want to tell me about?" Kendall asked and Logan sighed.

". . .People are just  _really_ nosy around here. I don't want you to get in trouble without you even staying one night. . .or longer-"

"I don't want your charity, Logan. I've been living on my own for a while, I can still do it," Kendall said, getting onto his feet and grabbing his guitar case. Logan walked over, placing a hand on Kendall's chest to stop him.

"I'm not doing this to feel good about myself. . .I just want to know more about you," Logan said and Kendall smiled. He placed his guitar case down and then his hands moved to slide onto Logan's waist. Kendall tilted his head down so his forehead was resting against Logan's. Logan began to blush and heart began to thump against his chest.

"Am I a mystery to you, baby?" Kendall huskily whispered, Logan giving a nervous lick over his lips as his body shuddered under Kendall's touch. "I think I'd rather stay that way. . .you're a mystery to me too."

Logan's eyes fluttered. "There's not much to me like there is to you," he murmured and Kendall chuckled.

"Tell me then why I'm so curious about you. Why did someone like you come from miles away to become a model. . .I'm not trying to be mean but you just. . ." Kendall pulled away and took Logan's chin, tilting his face up and bottle green eyes searched the chocolate brown. "You're a real cute face but you have so much more potential to be doing something else."

Logan bit his lower lip, Kendall's thumb and hand moving to softly caress his cheek and rub over his cheekbone. "You're beautiful but you're scared. . .you want people to think you're beautiful because you think you're not."

"That's not true," Logan said and pulled away. "I want to be a model because. . .because. . .i-it isn't important-"

"Hold on. I thought you wanted me to know more about you. Why won't you give  _me_  some answers?" Kendall asked and Logan didn't dare to look over at the blond. He couldn't tell him, tell Kendall how pathetic he was for leaving his home all for his own vanity. Not like he really wanted to be a model. He was only here for a selfish reason, a reason for him to feel good about himself since he was never looked at twice back home. ". . .Can I take a shower?"

"Huh? O-Oh, of course. Right this way," Logan said and gestured for Kendall to follow him down the hall to the bathroom. "You can use the shampoos on the shelf and those towels hanging right over there. And I'll find something for you to sleep in."

"Thanks, baby," Kendall said and then bent down to kiss Logan's cheek. The brunette pulled away with a red face, accidentally backing up into the doorframe. He gave a nervous laugh and closed the door shut, leaning up against it as he gave a sigh. He needed to relax, it was just Kendall. Nothing to worry about, nothing at all.

Yet, his heart wouldn't stop beating in the slightest.

* * *

Logan managed to dig up an old shirt and some sweats for the blond to wear, the brunette already in his own pair of pajamas. They might be a little bit short on Kendall compared to Logan but it will have to do until Logan could buy the man some more clothes. He arranged them nice and neat in a small pile before picking them up into his arms, turning around to head to the bathroom. But he paused, eyes widening as he saw Kendall standing at the doorway, dried, but only with a towel around his lower waist. Kendall's chest was lightly toned, his stomach slim and hips narrow. His arms were thin and had a little bit of muscle to them, not as big as James or Jett, but to Logan there was an attracting quality of it.

That was what Kendall was, attractive.

And Kendall gave a little smile. He placed a hand on his hip, another hand on the back of his neck as he gave a flirtatious smile. "You like?" he cooed and Logan blushed, tearing his eyes away from Kendall's figure. That was already a photo perfect shot, the blond looked like he came fresh out of Vogue and Logan only felt his face growing hotter in embarrassment. Kendall chuckled, walking inside the bedroom and pointed over to the clothes in Logan's grasp. "Is that for me?" Kendall asked and Logan nodded his head, holding them out with shaky hands.

"I-I hope they'll fit," Logan stuttered and Kendall smiled. The blond took the shirt and unfolded it, tugging the clothing over his torso and trying to adjust it. "I-I couldn't find some new underwear for you to maybe wear so-"

"You want me to go commando for the night?"

"At least until I wash your clothes," Logan said in a hurry and Kendall nodded.

"I'm fine with that," Kendall said, his smile sly and flirty. The blond then reached out to take the sweatpants and tug them onto his legs underneath the towel before unwrapping the cloth from his waist and handing it to Logan. The brunette took it and then gestured around the bedroom.

"You can sleep in here, I'll sleep on the couch-"

"No, I should be sleeping on the couch. I'm the guest," Kendall said and Logan looked down at his bed.

"Well I want you to be comfortable-"

"Wait, I think I know a way we can solve our problems," Kendall said and gestured to the bed himself. "How about we just. . .share the bed? It looks big enough for two people." Logan's eyes widened at the thought, the two of them sleeping together  _this_ soon? Kendall gave a nervous swallow. "I mean, not like we had to. I mean, we can, I. . .I don't know what I was thinking-"

"I-It's okay, I wasn't offended or anything. . .um, maybe if I stay on my side of the bed, it would be alright," Logan said, giving the back of his neck an awkward scratch. Kendall gave a sheepish smile, moving to flop onto the bed and crawl to the left side.

"I don't move around much in my sleep," Kendall said and Logan smiled, moving over to the right side of the bed and pulled up the sheets for him to climb underneath.

"I don't either so I'm sure we'll have a comfortable sleep," Logan said and reached out to switch off the light on the nightstand. The bedroom was bathed in the dark save for the moonlight streaming through the window, Kendall getting under the covers as well.

"Goodnight, Kendall," Logan said softly and snuggled his cheek into the pillow.

"Night baby," Kendall murmured and turned in the bed. A light blush ghosted over Logan's cheeks before he closed his eyes tight, trying to keep his breathing under control and keep his heart from beating too fast. It felt like he was that quiet and shy teenager all over again, the nerves of his high school crush sleeping beside him side by side that night he gave his virginity. But he gripped the sheet tight between his fingers, pulling his lower lip in between his teeth. No, not again. He won't go through that again with Kendall. Friends, that's all they were.

Nothing more.

* * *

The sunlight came streaming through the window, Logan's eyes scrunching tighter from the bright light. He tried to turn away from the light and into the warmth of his covers before his eyes began to flutter. His eyes popped when he saw Kendall's face only a few inches of his, the blond still lightly snoring. Kendall's arm was draped over his body, his thumb rubbing little circles into the material of Logan's shirt. And lightly pressing into Logan's thigh, the brunette could make the outline out of Kendall's erection through the sweats. His breath was choked in his throat and Kendall stirred, the blond pressing into Logan more as Kendall's eyes began to flutter.

"Is it morning?" the blond asked with a tired voice and rubbed his eyes. Logan said nothing, only looking at how Kendall's eyelashes were so strangely perfect, the sunlight hitting his skin at just the right angle to make his whole face look like it was fresh from the sun. Kendall hummed, looking into Logan's face for a split second before his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Kendall shot away with his hands over his crotch, a blush on his cheeks as he looked away from Logan in embarrassment. "Oh my God! I'm  _so_ sorry, i-it's morning and I,  _shit_ I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright. . .it happens, right?" Logan said with a nervous smile, getting out of bed and giving his arms a stretch. He turned to the blond sitting there awkwardly on his bed with head held down, Logan trying to make the strange tension go away with a smile. "Want some breakfast? I got some eggs and bacon, ham, toast." Logan licked his lips at the thought of food, of an actual  _meal_. His stomach actually growled right then at the thought of cooking and eating all of that food that was in the fridge, he rarely even  _ate_ breakfast.

"Uh, sure. . .I-I'm going to stay in here for a little bit," Kendall mumbled and Logan nodded his head, exiting out of the bedroom to head down the hall and into the kitchen. He pulled open the fridge and glanced around at the foods on the different shelves, licking his lips hungrily at the sight of food before grabbing the egg carton and the bacon along with some bananas and yogurt. Maybe he could also make some smoothies for the blond to have with his breakfast, Logan just had a desire to cook and eat.

Mostly eat.

He opened the cupboard and took out a frying pan, placing it on the stove to begin cooking the bacon while he reached into one of the cabinets on the wall and grabbed a bowl for whisking up the eggs. . .or should he cook them sunny side up? Logan turned on his heel, beginning to walk down the hallway again towards the bedroom and opened the door just a bit.

"How do you-" Logan started out but then paused in the middle of what he was about to ask, his eyes widening in shock. There Kendall was, his back against the headboard of the bed and his wrist jutting up and down quick over his cock, trying to get himself off. The blond's lips were parted and drew in small breaths, quiet and gentle. His legs would spread wider from a hard jerk and he would pull in his lower lip between his teeth to stifle a moan. Logan watched the blond, could feel his cheeks beginning to grow hot at the sight. He could feel himself shaking, trying to not get himself caught watching Kendall jack off and be taken like some pervert. Yet, Logan just couldn't tear his eyes away. Kendall's cheeks were a light pink and his tongue kept coming out to lick over his drying lips.

Logan watched with baited breath as Kendall thumbed the head, it pulsing and an angry red before sliding down the shaft and squeezing at the base of his cock. Logan gulped, arousal starting course through his own veins towards his lower regions. He lowered his other hand to palm himself as Kendall's hand tugged at his erection, and as Logan gave a weak gasp at the feel, the phone began to ring. The brunette snapped out of his haze and quickly darted away from the door and down the hall, only hoping that Kendall didn't hear him or noticed him. He grabbed the phone sitting on the coffee table and answered it with nervous eyes.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey Logan!"_ Carlos chirped on the other line and Logan smiled.

"Morning, Carlos. What's up?" he asked, tucking the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he began to take out the strips of bacon and lie them in the heating pan.

 _"I have the photos done and I figured that you might want to see them before Griffin does,"_  Carlos responded and Logan hummed, glancing down the hall.

"I don't think I can. . .I have a guest over right now."

_"Oh? What kind of guest?"_

The brunette gave a scoff. "Not the romantic kind. He's a friend that's staying over, that's it."

 _"So you say,"_ Carlos said in a teasing little voice that Logan only rolled his eyes at. He grabbed a spatula, flipping over the bacon and watched as it sizzled in the pan.

"What about you? How did that little smoothie run with James go?" Logan asked and Carlos gave a sigh.

_"It went just fine, for your information. He didn't drink much but we talked for a while."_

"Sounds like a cute little date. . .don't suppose he's seen the photos either huh?" Logan asked and there was a pause, just the sound of bacon cooking in the pan.

 _"No, he hasn't. . .he never wants to look at the photos I take of him,"_ Carlos murmured quietly and Logan bit his lower lip.

"Well don't thing that it's your fault or that it's how you do pictures."

 _"Yeah, I guess. . .I'll let you get back to hanging with your friend. Just swing by Rocque tomorrow or whenever you have the chance,"_ Carlos said and Logan smiled.

"Yeah, I'll see you then," the brunette replied and ended the call. He took the crispy pieces of bacon out of the pan and placed them onto a plate, glancing around the kitchen for anything else that he could cook until he heard a hum from behind. He turned, seeing Kendall standing behind him hungrily licking his lips.

"Smells delicious in here," he said and Logan gave the blond a nervous smile.

"Um. . .I was going to make some eggs too. How do you like them cooked?" Logan asked and Kendall chuckled.

"I don't care, I'm not real picky when it comes to food," Kendall replies and Logan blushed. Of course, Kendall would be happy with  _any_ eggs than none. Logan nodded his head and moved to the fridge, taking out the carton of eggs as Kendall moves over to pluck a strip of bacon. "Who was that on the phone? One of your model friends?"

"He's a photographer for your information. The one that I told you about at The Ocean Floor?" Logan explained and Kendall nodded his head, raising a suspicious eyebrow and crooking a smile.

"You sure there's nothing going on between you two?" he asked and Logan rolled his eyes.

"Of course not, he's in love with another model down at Rocque," Logan replied as he cracked open a few eggs into a bowl to scramble.

"Oh? You friends with the model?" Kendall asked and Logan sighed.

"I don't really know. . .I know we're not really on good terms with each other but I  _would_ like to be his friend. . .he's just so sensitive, it's like walking through a field of mines to try and talk to him," Logan said in a bit of frustration and poured the eggs into the pan to begin frying. "I for one think there's something wrong with him but everyone else doesn't seem to notice."

"Models have their little quirks about them, maybe everyone just got used to it. . .what's his name? The model's?" Kendall asked in curiosity, grabbing another strip of bacon as Logan chewed on his lower lip.

"Well. . .James Diamond. He's  _very_ gorgeous so it isn't a surprise that my friend fell in love with him. . .but I don't think he really likes me," Logan murmured and glanced over to Kendall. The blond's eyes were large and shocked, Logan raising an eyebrow in confusion. "What is it?"

Kendall shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "Nothing, it's nothing. . .are those eggs almost done?" Kendall asked and Logan glanced down into the pan at the eggs cooking and delicious aroma wafting into Logan's nose.

"Yeah, it should be. Why don't you get some glasses and orange juice so we'll have something to drink," Logan suggested and Kendall nodded his head, moving around Logan in the kitchen to one of the cupboards. He pulled it open as Logan turned off the fire and steadily picked up the hot pan. Kendall took two glasses and two plates, carrying them over to the small dining area and setting them onto the table. Logan carried the pan over, spooning some eggs onto one of the plates and a bigger portion onto the other plate meant for Kendall. "I'll go get the forks and some napkins," Logan said and Kendall nodded his head, taking his seat and staring over his food with starved eyes. Logan moved to the fridge and grabbed a jug of orange juice, opening the drawers to pull out two forks and some napkins before walking over and taking his seat at the table.

"Looks delicious," Kendall said with a smile, taking a fork as Logan poured orange juice into his glass. The brunette then looked over at his own plate, his lips turning into a small scowl at exactly how much he put on his plate. So many calories and cholesterol, he began to tap his foot in nerves while Kendall dove into his plate of scrambled eggs quick and fast. Logan's stomach growled and he gave a small groan, holding his stomach as Kendall stopped eating to look at him confused. "What is it?" Kendall asked and Logan sucked in a breath.

"I'm just. . .not really hungry," Logan lied, and Kendall swallowed another bite of eggs.

"You're not?. . .I don't know if I should believe you since you passed out from being malnourished the last time," Kendall said with suspicious eyes and Logan's cheeks blushed red.

"Now is different, I'm just-"

"I hope you don't expect me to sit here and eat when you don't," Kendall said and crossed his arms. "I want to have breakfast with you and that involves us eating  _together_."

"But you haven't had a good meal in a long time-" Logan tried to speak but Kendall raised his hand.

"I also haven't have someone I wanted to spend my time with in a while either," Kendall said and Logan blushed. The blond then gestured to Logan's plate. "So are we both going to let this hot breakfast go cold or are we going to eat and chat together?"

Though one part of Logan's mind was furious and angry at Logan's hand taking his fork and scoop up some eggs to eat, another part of his mind was happy and excited at the thought of spending time with someone, happy to eat without feeling criticizing eyes on him. He'll work it all off afterwards, go down to the gym and exercise so it shouldn't hurt Logan at all. Kendall smiled, taking his glass of orange juice and raising it towards Logan. The brunette smiled, raising his own glass to Kendall and clinked them against each other.

"To us?" Kendall asked and Logan blushed.

". . .To us," he said quietly and took a sip.


	9. Chapter 9

Living with Kendall felt like an entirely different experience to Logan, having someone there waiting for you when you come home with open arms for a hug and open ears to hear about your day. Logan wondered if this was what it was like to be married, having someone there with a warm smile and eat dinner with before climbing into the same bed for sleep. Kendall would always try to stay to his own side of the bed after what happened the first night they slept together, but the blond would always be snuggling into Logan's body once the sun rose. Not that Logan minded in the slightest. If anything, sometimes he would be the first one to cross the imaginary line in the bed and wrap arms around Kendall's lanky and lean frame.

Though, it was always a bit hard to keep Kendall from going noticed by the other residents of the building. Ms. Wainwright knew about Kendall staying over for the time being and sacrificed a chunk of his allowance for Kendall to be able to room there as well. It wasn't like the blond was going to be a problem to to others. Matter of fact, Kendall never even wanted to go out of the apartment if he didn't have to, only to go with Logan grocery shopping or shopping for clothes or Logan just forced him out to get some fresh air. Logan couldn't ever explain Kendall's behavior when it came to models but he couldn't ask about it without the blond turning the tables and questioning about the real reason why Logan wanted to become a model.

He could never say it was all for selfish gratification.

Nevertheless, everything was different with Kendall. All of those feelings the brunette always felt about himself didn't apply when he and Kendall were together. Kendall's little touches and little smiles always made him feel special.

Always made him feel beautiful.

* * *

"And cut! That's a wrap!" Carlos shouted, and Logan gave a little laugh, waving away the smoke from the fog machine as the large fan was turned off. The brunette strode over, Carlos already getting the camera ready to show him the pictures taken for this photoshoot.

"You think that maybe Griffin likes the way I look so much that he's letting me do these photoshoots?" Logan asked and Carlos gave a small shrug.

"Maybe. At least you're doing something instead of being cooped up in that apartment all week," Carlos said with a smile and Logan nervously smiled back.

"Well. . .I don't. . .really  _mind_ -"

"What do you mean? You actually  _like_  being by yourself?" Carlos asked, and Logan scratched the back of his neck.

"I mean. . .I've been having my friend stay over my place for a while and-" Carlos began to give a mischievous smile and raised eyebrow.

"Oh,  _now_ I see," Carlos said and Logan began to blush.

"It isn't  _that_. I just want to keep him company, and it's not like he wants to go out of the apartment either so I feel bad just  _leaving_ him there," Logan rattled, and Carlos crossed his arms.

"Is he cute?"

" _Very_ ," Logan said with a slight dream filled sigh. "He's so handsome, he could be a model if he was interested in the industry. . .and he's so mysterious. I know there's more to him than he's telling me but I don't know what," Logan explained, and Carlos hummed. He rubbed his chin and gave a small smile.

"Does he like you?" Carlos asked, and Logan gave a small shrug.

"I'm not sure. . .I think he maybe does, but-"

"Well then what are you waiting for? Go after him! Start dating!" Carlos said enthusiastically, and Logan bit his lower lip. He hadn't even told Carlos about what he left behind in Texas, hadn't told Carlos how deathly afraid he was at the thought of falling in love only to be crushed once again because he wasn't good enough. He must have shown it on his face since Carlos stopped smiling and stepped closer to place a hand on Logan's arm. "Hey, what's wrong?. . .Something you want to tell me?"

Logan sucked in a breath, his chest feeling heavy with such sorrow and his cheeks began to flush pink. "I. . .I'm just not good at love. . .I've been hurt before and I don't know if I'm ready to put myself up at the chance of being hurt again," the brunette murmured, and Carlos gave Logan a small smile.

"It's hard going through a break up. . .but it's better to experience love again than run away from it," Carlos said gently and Logan felt his body beginning to tremble.

"Y-You don't understand. I gave that guy my  _virginity_  and he tossed me aside like some trash for a pretty and curvy  _girl_. What if I'm not beautiful enough for my friend to want to date me? What if I'm not  _good_ enough. . .I'm not good enough. . ." Logan murmured, and Carlos pulled Logan into his arms. The Latino smelled of nutmeg and other spices, Logan feeling Carlos' hand gently rub his back.

"You  _are_ good enough. You're wonderful, Logan.  _Anyone_ would be happy to date yo,u and you're perfect just the way you are. . .you'll never know until you try. I'm sure he'll be ecstatic at the thought of dating you. . .promise me you'll try," Carlos said, and Logan gave a slow nod.

"I'll try," he muttered and Carlos smiled, hugging Logan tighter and rocking the two of them from side to side. Logan began to smile and laugh a bit, but then stopped and pursed his lips at the sight of James standing by the doorway of the studio. Carlos felt Logan tense in his arms and he turned around as well, James' cheeks flushing red before he gave a hurt look and stormed away. Carlos broke away from Logan and began to chase after the model, leaving Logan alone inside the studio. The brunette sighed, wrapping arms around himself as he looked around. Never know if you don't try. . .but Logan was too afraid to try.

He just didn't want to go through it again. He and Kendall were so happy right now just the way they are. . .he didn't want to screw it up and be alone all over again.

* * *

"Dinner's ready!" Logan shouted out, spooning out the last bit of rice onto Kendall's plate. Dinner consisted of turkey with gravy, white rice, macaroni and cheese, some buttery rolls and a mixture of steamed vegetables. . .or at least,  _Kendall's_  dinner had all of those things. Logan was forcing himself to be satisfied with a salad and glass of water if he could even manage to keep that down. The blond came in from the bedroom, stretching his arms and giving a yawn as he smiled at Logan.

"Smells delicious, babe," Kendall cooed and took his spot at the table. Logan gave Kendall a small smile, his cheeks rosy as he took a seat himself with a poured glass of water for Kendall. The blond took the glass with a grin but then paused once he glanced over Logan's plate of salad. "Is that  _all_ you're eating?" he asked and Logan bit his lower lip.

"I. . .I'm not really hungry-"

"You  _always_ say you're not hungry. It's like you're starving yourself. . .you're  _not_ starving yourself, are you?" Kendall asked with stern eyes and Logan averted his eyes, stabbing a few leaves of dry lettuce to stick in his mouth.

"You see me eating, don't you?" Logan asked and Kendall frowned.

"And you could be  _vomiting_ it all up the moment my back is turned," Kendall accused, and Logan glared, cheeks growing hot.

"I don't do that. I'm just watching what I eat because I want to look good for the agency."

"You look  _beautiful_. What more do you need to do for them?" Kendall asked and Logan bit his lower lip. Kendall took his fork in between his fingers. "This is what I hate about Rocque, they make you feel like shit and that you're not good enough when you  _are_ , Logan."

"H-How would you know?" Logan asked with a bobbing foot and nervous eyes. "How would you know about Rocque's treatment of models when you're not even involved in the industry?" Logan asked and Kendall pursed his lips tight at that. "Kendall, why don't you tell me what's going on? Why do you get this way about modeling and Rocque. . .and who was that person you knew a long time ago?" Logan asked and Kendall ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't matter. I went through my mistakes and I learned from them in order to make a better life for myself. You. . .you don't know what's going on and I just don't want you getting hurt," Kendall said softly and Logan looked over at the blond with soft eyes. Kendall bit the inside of his cheek and tapped his fork against the edge of his plate. "Logan, you look amazing. You don't need to diet for them."

Logan looked down at his plate of salad, eyes widening when Kendall slipped a slice of turkey onto his plate. He looked up at the blond, Kendall giving him a gentle smile. "If you want any more, just tell me," Kendall said softly and Logan stared at the meat drenched in gravy before glancing back at the blond.

"Kendall, I. . ."

"Don't. Let's just have a nice dinner before we go to bed, Logan," Kendall replied before he scooped some of the macaroni and cheese into his mouth. Logan stared down at his plate once more before he gave a sigh of defeat and began to cut the turkey into smaller slices. This wouldn't be too bad for his weight and image, he just needed to work out more and diet more. He'll be beautiful for everyone to want him.

Beautiful for Kendall to want to love him.

* * *

Logan lost about two more pounds, the brunette not happy at all. His body clung to the meats and cheeses and carbs Kendall forced him to eat when they were together at lunch or dinner. And Logan could only go to the gym so many times in a day before Kendall would start growing suspicious of his activities. It didn't help that Jett and Mercedes also kept lingering around his hallway to try and snoop around his apartment. No doubt Mercedes must have heard Kendall's voice from her apartment next door and the two were curious about Logan's 'friend'. Logan was getting tired of having to sneak around so many people, Kendall and Mercedes and Jett. His nerves were getting stretched thin at the thought of being caught by any one of the three, only wishing that he could just sit down and get his mind straightened.

And Logan supposed he got his wish one afternoon when he was visiting Rocque.

"A date? Now?" Logan asked with surprised eyes and Carlos nodded his head.

"Just a simple little lunch outing between you, me and James. . .I want you two to start being a bit more friendly towards each other," the photographer said and Logan frowned.

"I'm  _trying_ to be friendly towards him but he keeps pushing me away! I don't know what I'm doing wrong!. . .Did he even agree to this?" Logan asked and Carlos scratched the back of his neck.

"Well, he said he'd rather claw his eyes out with a spoon than have me invite you to lunch but that's not important. What  _is_ important is you two becoming friends. James  _really_ is a sweetheart, Logan. He's kind and gentle and he's just  _really_ fragile around people-"

"Maybe he's that way around you but around me he's only possessive, clingy and catty. Not to mention rude and just  _odd_."

" _Don't_  talk that way about him when you don't know him," Carlos said darkly and Logan gulped. It was the first time he ever heard Carlos use that tone with him, the photographer glaring at Logan as the brunette balled his hands into fists.

"I'm  _trying_ to know him! Carlos, I want to be friends with James. I want to have  _someone_ other than you to be friends with here. But I don't know how to approach him without setting him off. If anything, he'll like me more if I wasn't hanging around you," Logan murmured and the dark glare in Carlos' eyes was replaced with a sparkling innocence.

"W-What? No, that can't be the reason-"

"He's been like that ever since he found out that you done my headshots and we became friends. Carlos, he's possessive of you and he doesn't want to share you. That's why he hates me. . .he loves you and thinks I'm getting in the way of that."

Carlos blushed and scratched the back of his neck. "I. . .I don't think that's right. James  _couldn't_ love me. . .James would only love someone that was as beautiful as he was, not someone plain like me that just fools around with a camera."

"Think Carlos. He  _only_ acts that way around you, he  _only_ lets you around him during photoshoots, you even been to his place and took him out on a little smoothie date. He's jealous and I  _told_ him there was nothing going on between us but. . .maybe he could use some reinforcement."

"What do you mean?" Carlos asked and Logan began to smile.

"Tell him you're in love with him too," Logan said simply and Carlos blushed.

"But that might jeopardize our partnership and our friendship, I-I don't want to do anything like that. . .besides, his ex-boyfriend worked at Rocque too. Doubt he'll want to start dating co-workers again after that bad break up," Carlos muttered and Logan raised an eyebrow.

"What happened with James and his ex-boyfriend?" Logan asked and Carlos sighed.

"I don't know. . .he won't tell me the details. . .come on, let's go down to the bistro. I don't want to keep James waiting," Carlos said in a rush and tugged the camera bag over his shoulder. He briskly walked out the front door and Logan followed after, his head beginning to buzz at what happened in the brunette model's past. And if that somehow managed to shape him into the man he was now.

* * *

When Logan and Carlos arrived at the bistro, James was already seated and texting someone on his phone. He glanced up when the two of them approached, giving Carlos a genuine and love-filled smile while giving Logan a forced and genuinely  _pissed_  smile. Carlos beamed back at the brunette, giving James a friendly kiss on the cheek that the model blushed at before taking his seat beside his crush. Logan sat down on the other side of James, not missing how James 'casually' placed his arm around the back of Carlos' chair. Already trying to claim something Logan wasn't even after.

"So. . .how are things?" James asked Logan, his thumb lazily rubbing circles into Carlos' shoulder and Logan gave James a forced smile as well.

"Fine. I have a guest over that I really like, might plan on going to the next level with him," Logan said and James hummed, as if he really cared.

"Good.  _Me_ and Carlos went to the mall yesterday to pick up some things for his new place," James said ever so proudly and Logan raised an eyebrow, glancing over to the photographer.

"You moved to a new place? I didn't know-"

" _Because you're not close to him like I am_ ," James hissed and Logan leaned back in his chair. James continued to glare while Carlos gave a nervous little chuckle. Good then, at least he could now see that James  _was_ starting to grow past possessive of Carlos and move into  _obsessed_  with Carlos. The Latino moved to hold Carlos' hand gently, stroke his thumb over James' smooth and flawless skin. That seemed to calm James for a moment, his cheeks tinting red at Carlos' soft touch and his shoulders relaxed.

"Uh, yeah. I moved a little bit closer in Manhattan. It was killer to find but I landed me a two bedroom apartment with a  _great_ view of the city and James helped me pick out some furniture and decorations since I'm totally challenged when it comes to decorating," Carlos joked and gave a small laugh. James smiled at him, giving a little laugh too while Logan smiled and raised an eyebrow.

"Two bedrooms? Are you planning on asking someone to move in with you?" he asked and Carlos' cheeks flushed red hot. James shot a glare at Logan and Carlos squeezed James' hand before the brunette could start snapping at Logan again.

"I-I don't know. . .maybe. . .i-if they're interested," Carlos stuttered out and Logan smiled.

"I'm sure they'll love it," he said softly and James balled his other hand into a fist, but relaxed as the waiter came over with their menus.

"What can I get you?" he asked and Carlos grinned.

"I'll have a mushroom swiss burger with extra french fries and a coke," Carlos replied with hum and handed the waiter his menu. Logan bit his lower lip.

"Light salad, no dressing. And make it half size. And also a glass of water with lemon," Logan recited and James didn't even open up his menu, pushing his forward with a blank expression.

"I'll have the same," he replied and Carlos glanced at the two models with furrowed eyebrows.

"I thought I was taking two gorgeous models out to lunch, not two rabbits," he commented and  _both_ Logan and James blushed at that. "What's with the salads? Those aren't going to fill you up. Forget about what they said, they'll have the same thing I'm having," he said and the waiter nodded, striking out James and Logan's orders to write down two more burger orders. The man took all of the menus and walked away, James turning to Carlos with a slightly pained smile.

"Carlos, you  _really_ didn't have to do that," James said and Carlos gave him a pat on the back.

"Well don't you think that having a burger will be more filling? I mean, last time I went to your place you barely had your fridge stocked with anything. And when we went grocery shopping, you didn't pick that much stuff out to eat. . .you have that all sorted out now, right?" Carlos asked and James gave a nervous swallow.

"O-Of course," James muttered and Carlos smiled, looking over to Logan.

"And if money is the issue, I'll pay for all of it. We're here to eat and have a nice time, right?"

". . .Right. . ." Logan muttered.

* * *

The burgers were  _extremely_ big and the cheese was dripping off the sides. The french fries were cut thick and all stacked up along the side of the burger with a light dusting of seasoning salt and pepper. It all smelt  _so_ good to Logan, his stomach growled in such want to dive right in and eat but he couldn't bring himself to move. The coke was on the other side of him, soda fizzling and water droplets rolled off the side of the glass. Logan could almost taste the sweet syrup and the fizz on his tongue, sucking his lips and puckering his mouth as his fingers drummed nervously over his leg. James had the same expression on his face, his cheeks rosier than usual and his skin starting to pale at all of the food on his plate.

Carlos rubbed his hands together with an eager grin. "Let's dig in!" he chirped and grabbed a handful of french fries to stuff in his mouth. James picked up a fry and turned it around in his fingers, nibbled around the edges before he placed it back down on the plate.

"I-I'm not really hungry, Carlos," James stuttered out, Logan only keeping quiet and nibbling around his french fries. Carlos looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

"But you haven't eaten  _all day_. How could you  _not_ be hungry?"

"Well I just, I-"

"Come on, James. This food tastes  _really_ good~" Carlos cooed and James glanced down at his plate. He picked up the same french fry from before and nibbled around it a second time before putting it quickly down back onto the plate.

"Carlos, I can't-"

"Why not?"

"I'm just not hungry,  _please_ understand that," James plead and Carlos gave the brunette a sad little frown.

"Well. . .can you at least eat some fries?" Carlos asked and placed a hand on James'. The brunette looked at him with such a fearful expression,  _begging_ to not eat the fries but Carlos rubbed his thumb over the back of James' hand. "Come on, they're all nice and crispy and they taste  _delicious_ ," Carlos said, taking one of James' fries and held it to the model's thin and tightly sealed lips. Logan watched as James timidly opened his mouth and allowed Carlos to feed him one fry. Then another fry. And another and another until Carlos had managed to get James to eat and swallow one third of the fries on his plate.

And James looked absolutely  _sick_.

The brunette began to pinch at his face and brush his bangs out of his face with a shaky hand, Logan could almost swear the man was beginning to hyperventilate as Carlos smiled. "See how tasty they are? Have a bite of your burger too," Carlos suggested and picked up his own. A mushroom slipped out, covered with mayo and swiss melted cheese as Carlos took a bite and the meat drippings dribbled down his chin. James picked up his burger and bit into it, chewing the food with such a pained expression before he swallowed it all down.

"I-I need to go to the bathroom," James said in a hurry and got up fast, dropping something as he rushed towards the bathroom. Logan placed his cheek in the palm of his hand. "Just like last time," he murmured and Carlos looked at him confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the first time I met him was here. At the bistro with Jett and Mercedes." Logan saw how Carlos' eyes grew worried at the sound of the models' names and he gulped. "Uh. . .James had only a few bites of his soup before Mercedes said something about his face filling in and then he rushed away to the bathroom. . .what did he drop?" Logan asked and Carlos glanced down. He reached down and picked up a small white bottle and his eyes widened in shock.

"Dieting pills," he murmured and then shot up from his seat, running away to the bathroom as well. Logan got up from his seat, eyes confused and worried as he began to chase after the photographer. The bathroom was located right inside the bistro, right in the back corner and as soon as he got to the mens' room door, he could hear what sounded like someone gagging. Logan opened the door, the bathroom empty but the noises were still there. He took a few shaky steps, now he could hear Carlos' voice pleading and as he glanced into one of the stalls to the left, there they were. James was curled up by the toilet, a small pink stick in his shaking hand that was trying to force its way to the back of his throat while Carlos was above him trying to yank the stick out.

"James, stop! Stop it!" Carlos cried and James was crying too, Logan standing there numb and horrified as Carlos began to drag him out of the stall. The model's face was sweaty and pained, slight drool from his mouth and his eyes were watery. Carlos managed to wrestle the pink stick from James' hand before throwing it across the floor and trying to wrap arms around James. "Oh God, why? Why are you doing this to yourself again?" Carlos asked and James looked at Carlos then over his shoulder at Logan. The hazel eyes grew more ashamed, more embarrassed and hurt as he let out a choked sob. He shoved Carlos away and staggered to his feet, running out the bathroom door and Carlos got onto his feet to chase the model down.

Logan couldn't even move, his heart was beating too fast from what he just saw. James. . .James was purging himself. Trying to vomit all the food that he  _just_ ate, Logan could feel himself growing sick the longer he stood there. He placed a hand to his forehead, slowly walking out of the bathroom and out of the bistro to sit down at their table. Carlos was sitting there two with head in his hands but there was no James, the model must have ran away faster than Carlos could catch him. As soon as Logan took his seat, Carlos looked at him with worried and fearful eyes.

". . .I didn't know. I didn't know he was doing this," Carlos croaked and rubbed the back of his neck. "Now it all makes sense, him not eating at the photoshoots or having his fridge stocked up or even eating much at all when we go out. . .cause he'll just  _vomit_ it all back up again afterwards," he said in a shaky voice and then placed his head back into his hands. "I feel so stupid, how could I have been so  _blind?_ "

"Carlos, it's not your fault. How could you have known-"

"Because he did this before!" Carlos exclaimed and banged his fists on the table. Logan watched as the photographer pulled his lower lip in between his teeth. "He did it before and I stopped him. . .but now he's still doing it."

". . .How did you stop him the last time?" Logan asked and Carlos sighed.

". . .Same way I did today. . .the first day that I met him. . ."

_Carlos walked along the halls of Rocque, slightly frustrated and slightly nervous. He's searched high and low for this 'James Diamond' but it seems like no one knew where he was. He only hoped James Diamond was a real person and he wasn't sent on some dumb wild goose chase for being new. He gave a small sigh as he rounded the corner and began down this certain hall where he hoped James would be somewhere lingering by._

_But as Carlos passed by the bathrooms, he stopped at hearing a gagging noise coming from inside._

_The photographer glanced up and down the hallway before stepping inside the bathroom, the gagging sounds coming from the first open stall and Carlos bit his lower lip._

" _A-Are you okay?" he called out but heard no response, the gagging only growing louder. Carlos rushed to the first stall to find a handsome brunette man hunched over the toilet with a small pink stick being shoved into his mouth. He hadn't even seemed to notice Carlos was standing there until Carlos finally managed to snap out of his shock and step inside to place a hand on the brunette's shoulder. The man trying to vomit jumped, his face peachy red and sweating and those large gorgeous hazel orbs of his were watery._

" _W-What do you want?" he asked and Carlos placed hands on the man's shoulders. His eyes widened in fear. "N-No! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" he screamed and Carlos bit his lower lip._

" _I'm trying to help-"_

" _Get away from me! Get away!" he sobbed and stuck the little stick back into his mouth, beginning to gag and choke around the plastic thing and Carlos' eyes widened._

" _S-Stop that! Stop! You'll make yourself sick!" Carlos shouted and grabbed the man's wrist, beginning to wrestle the stick out of his grasp and the man began to sob and try to kick Carlos away. Carlos managed to get the man to drop the stick in the toilet and with a quick hand, he flushed it down the toilet and released his hold on the man's body. The brunette curled up into a fetal position, shaking violently and beginning to cry as Carlos reached a hand out to touch his shoulder. ". . .I'm sorry but-"_

" _Don't tell Griffin," the man spoke. "Don't tell Griffin,_ _please_ _. . ."_

" _. . .I promise I won't tell. . .why were you doing this? Why were you trying to make yourself vomit?" Carlos asked and the man looked at him, wiping at his eyes._

" _You wouldn't understand."_

" _I'd like to. . .couldn't you give me a chance?" Carlos asked and held out his hand for the man to take. He pulled him onto his feet and wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him. Carlos walked out and towards the bathroom sink, wetting a paper towel before wiping the man's face. "What's your name?" Carlos asked and the man sniffled._

" _James. James Diamond," he murmured and Carlos gave a slow nod. So_ _this_ _was the James Diamond he was looking for, what a way to first meet the man you're going to be working with._

" _James. . .that's a very nice name," Carlos complimented and James sniffled, Carlos wiping his face clean of sweat and spit._

" _Thanks, I guess."_

" _. . .And why were you doing that to yourself, James?" Carlos asked and the brunette model placed his face into his hands, gave his head a little shake._

_"Because. . .I-I'm not skinny enough and I can't find any other way to lose more weight," he answered and Carlos gave a good look over James' figure. The man was more muscular than he was skinny and without a doubt had the most gorgeous face Carlos had ever laid eyes upon. Carlos gently brushed a few strands out of James' face and the model glanced over at him, a light blush dusting over his cheek._

_"What would you need to lose more weight for when you're already real cute?" Carlos asked and James tugged his lower lip in between his teeth._

_"I. . .My boyfriend broke up with me a while back and a-and he was the top model here at Rocque and now I just feel like its my fault he left. Like I'm being pressured to look like him or else a-and I'm trying but i-it isn't good enough," James stuttered and Carlos bit his lower lip. He wrapped arms around James and began to slowly rock him from side to side, rubbing soft circles into his arm._

_"It isn't your fault for anything. . .you're beautiful just the way you are. . .bet you'd look amazing in front of a camera," Carlos said and James gave a scoff._

_"The photographers can't stand me, they don't know how to make me look good or feel good about myself. I always chase them away anyways," James replied and Carlos gave him a gentle smile._

_"Well you haven't chased this photographer away," Carlos replied and then moved his hand down food James'. "I was supposed to have a tiny photoshoot with you to get more acquainted but how about instead we go to the park? Get some fresh air?"_

_". . .What's your name?" James asked and Carlos began to gently pull James out of the bathroom and into the hall._

_"Carlos Garcia. And we're going to be the best of friends."_

Logan gave Carlos a soft smile. "But you both began to love each other more than the best of friends."

"We did everything together. I did everything to make him feel like he wasn't alone and that he was beautiful. He acted cold to everyone else but no one understood him like I did. No one saw the person that I saw in the bathroom. . .and now I feel like I let him down," Carlos said and placed his face in his hands. Logan bit his lower lip and scooted his chair in closer to Carlos, placing a hand on the photographer's back.

"You didn't, Carlos-"

"It just makes me so mad!" Carlos exclaimed all of a sudden and looked to Logan with upset eyes. "Griffin doesn't do shit for any of the models and I see  _all_ of them struggling with their weight! Dieting and purging and starving themselves, it makes me so sick and I thought James was done with that. Probably started doing it again from Jett and Mercedes putting those thoughts into his head," Carlos said bitterly and Logan bit his lower lip. He hadn't even noticed all the other models that were around Rocque or in the apartment complex. Sure a great majority of them were skinny and nothing but bones but he never thought that could be because of an eating disorder.

And he was one of them, Logan feeling himself break out into a cold sweat.

"I don't know what I'm going to do now. I want to help him but now I don't know what the problem is. It can't be still his ex, it's been too long ago since they broke up and he's the head model of Rocque now so it can't be that he's feeling pressured. . .where did I slip up? I'm supposed to be his friend, I'm supposed to take after him and help him," Carlos said in aching defeat and Logan rubbed his back again.

"It's okay, it's okay. . .look, just go over to his place and talk to him if you have to. I'll be fine," Logan said and Carlos gave Logan a grateful smile.

"Thanks, I  _really_ need to talk to him," Carlos said in a rushed hurry but Logan grabbed his hand. The photographer looked down at him confused as Logan swallowed a lump down his throat.

"I'm starving myself," he blurted and he felt Carlos tense in his grasp. He looked up into Carlos' face, the man shocked and confused.

"What? Logan, how could you be doing this?" he asked and Logan looked down again.

"I just. . .I just wanted to stay in favor with Mercedes and Jett. And Griffin wanted me to lose weight so I'd be considered worthy for Rocque and I just. . .I already went to the hospital from passing out but I can't stop-" Carlos' hands were holding Logan's face in an instant, forcing the model to look into his feared eyes.

" _Please_ stop. I don't want you to get hurt, Logan. You don't need any validation from Mercedes or Jett. They only care about themselves and would say anything to get inside your head. Please, just don't do this to yourself. You're beautiful, you  _both_ are and someone cares about you and loves you for who you are," Carlos said and Logan felt his cheeks growing hot.

". . .But what if I'm not good enough-"

" _You are._ I don't want to lose my friends. . .I need to get to James' place," Carlos said and released Logan's face. The brunette rubbed his cheek as Carlos gave him one last look. "Talk to your friend and think about how he would feel about this. About how you don't think you're good enough when me and him could see something wonderful," Carlos said softly before taking his money out and placing it on the table for the food. With that, Carlos rushed out and onto the sidewalk, leaving Logan alone to think.


	10. Chapter 10

James hadn't came to Rocque in around three days since the event at the bistro went down. And neither has Carlos, Logan only assuming that the photographer was staying over James' place to keep him company and comfort him. Or to make sure James doesn't try to purge himself when Carlos wasn't looking. Regardless of whatever reason it may be, Logan only hoped that the two were alright. He hadn't even been down to Rocque in a while after those three days, wasn't like he had someone else there to hang around or talk to. Instead, Logan was going to try and focus on himself.

To try and make himself better.

He tried to eat more, he tried to have full meals of pastas and bread and meat but every time he felt disgusted with himself and would leave the apartment early in the morning to go to the gym and work out. He couldn't tell if he was getting thinner or fatter or more muscular anymore, all he could tell was that he was driving himself nuts. Logan just wanted to feel good about himself and as of lately, he felt even more pathetic and self-pitying.

* * *

One Friday afternoon when Kendall was in the living room playing his guitar and singing a little song, Logan was in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror. He had the door closed so Kendall wouldn't walk in on the brunette standing stark naked in front of the mirror, to all of Kendall's knowledge Logan was taking a really quiet shower. Logan ran pale and not so slim fingers over his abdomen, feeling around his sides and his stomach for the small little mounds of fat settling. He pinched and pulled at his skin, growing more disgusted with himself the longer he stared at his body. His fingers felt like they were cutting into his skin, or maybe he really  _was_ scratching himself seeing as though Logan now began to see red scratch marks being created the longer he dragged his fingers over his milky skin. Had he gone insane from all of this? Reduced to standing here naked and scratch his body up until his skin felt do raw and in pain? He felt his lips turn into a grimace, trailing his fingers to his face and feel at his cheekbones. His face was full and plump, his skin wasn't as smooth and soft like James' probably was and his nails scraped into the surface of his skin, leaving a long scratch mark blistering red against the paleness.

"Logan?" he heard Kendall call out from behind the door and Logan jumped, hands covering himself as he moved to try and grab a towel.

"Y-Yes?" Logan stuttered out, grabbing one of the towels and wrapped it around his waist.

"Are you okay? Or done? I don't hear the water running," Kendall commented and Logan moved to open the door, giving Kendall a weak smile.

"See, I'm fine," the brunette said but Kendall's eyes weren't on his face. They were lingering on his torso, where Logan had scratched his skin and the guitarist let his calloused finger gently rub over the mark. Logan winced and Kendall furrowed his eyebrows.

"What's this?" he asked and Logan gently pushed his hand away.

"Nothing. Nothing. I accidentally scratched myself," Logan quickly rattled and Kendall frowned.

"You scratched yourself  _this_ many times?" Kendall asked, tracing his finger over Logan's skin and then moved up to Logan's face. His frown grew stern, Logan beginning to tremble under the blond's touch. "Are you telling me the truth?"

"I am!" Logan snapped and broke away, his heart beating fast as his other hand grabbed hold of his towel to keep from slipping. Kendall watched the brunette, not buying Logan's behavior one bit and the model ran a hand through his hair. "I'm fine, Kendall. . .what is it? Want me to start cooking dinner?" Logan asked and Kendall shook his head, moving to the medicine cabinet on the wall by the sink. He opened it and pulled out a small bottle of ointment, gesturing for Logan to sit down on the toilet. Logan blushed and moved the seat down to sit on it, the blond moving further inside and kneeling down in front of Logan.

Kendall popped open the cap and squirted a little bit of the light blue gel onto his fingers before smoothing it over Logan's scratch marks. The brunette shuddered at the touch, the gel cool over his skin and he looked down at Kendall's fingers rubbing gently. "Why are you doing this?"

"Don't want this beautiful body to get scarred, do we?" Kendall asked with a small smile before moving his fingers up to the scratches made on Logan's abdomen. Kendall's touch was so soft, so loving and so intimate. Logan closed his eyes, Kendall's fingers smoothing over his body and rubbing in the ointment. Then Logan's breath got caught in his throat, feeling lips on his abdomen instead of fingers and his eyes shot open. He jolted in his spot, looking at Kendall with wide eyes.

"W-What. . .did you just  _kiss_ me?" Logan asked and Kendall shook his head.

"Your lips aren't down here so I don't think I kissed you."

"Kissed my  _skin_ , Kendall," Logan further elaborated with a roll of the eyes and Kendall smiled.

"Couldn't help myself. . .you're skin is so soft, I just wanted to know what it would feel like against my lips," Kendall murmured and Logan couldn't help but blush at the sound of that. Kendall rose to his feet and placed hands behind his back. "I'll keep my hands and my lips to myself if it bothers you-"

"N-No! Not at all! I mean, I-" Logan blushed, his words coming out more jumbled and he couldn't get his mind to think straight so he could form a sentence. His mind grew even more jumped when Kendall's fingers rubbed some ointment on the scratch on Logan's face, kissing Logan's jaw right afterwords and smiled into Logan's skin.

"Good, because I would want to kiss this skin all day," Kendall replied softly and pulled away to give a small smile. "I'll let you get changed before dinner," Kendall replied and Logan remembered now that he was only in a towel and nothing else. His cheeks flushed even more red and his hands went down to hold his towel.

"O-Of course," he stuttered and Kendall smiled, rubbing his thumb over Logan's scratch one more time before he turned on his heel and walked out of the bathroom. Logan placed fingers to the scratch he inflicted before he moved them to his chin, touching at the spot where Kendall had kissed him before he closed his eyes and gave a sigh.

Never at any moment in his life had he felt so cared for. . .maybe Carlos was right.

* * *

"Is he doing better?" Logan asked Carlos over the phone one day and he heard the photographer give a small sigh.

" _I suppose he is. . .but I'm worried about him. Griffin wasn't necessarily cordial about James and me missing work. Which makes me more pissed at him than I already am,_ " Carlos hisses over the phone and Logan moved to lean on the counter.

"Have you told him why though? Told him what's going on with James?"

" _James won't let me. . .it's like he's scared of him or something. I don't know what's going on between the two of them but I need to find out if I'm going to make things better for James,_ " Carlos said determinedly and Logan nodded his head.

"Right. . .I'm going to do it."

" _Do what?_ " Carlos asked and Logan smiled.

"I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell my friend that I love him and I'm going to start eating right and just start accepting myself for who I am because there  _are_ people that love me," Logan said with a big grin and it felt like he could hear Carlos grinning on the other side.

" _Really? That's great! When are you going to this?_ " Carlos asked and Logan turned around, moving over to sit down on the couch.

"Planning on tonight. I'm going to take him out to a nice dinner. He's out now playing guitar, only cause I wanted him to get fresh air but the moment he comes back, we're going to be gone," Logan planned and he heard Carlos give a light chuckle.

" _Are you planning to put the sensual moves on him or something?_ " Carlos asked and Logan blushed.

"No! It's just going to be a nice dinner and-" Logan paused, the door knocking and he clutched the phone tight. "I think that's him. Gotta go!"

" _Tell me how it goes!_ " Carlos shouted back before Logan hung up and quickly walked to the door. He brushed fingers through his hair to straighten it out before he glanced through the peephole and saw Kendall awkwardly standing there with his guitar strapped on his back. Logan opened the door and Kendall quickly rushed in, Logan closing the door shut behind and giving the blond a confused look.

"Why are you always like that when it comes to leaving and coming to the apartment?" Logan asked and Kendall plopped himself on the couch, kicking up his feet onto the coffee table.

"I only like to deal with you. All those other skinny little sticks with pouty lips that live here I could care less about," Kendall said with a cheeky grin and Logan only rolled his eyes.

"Come on, get dressed in that suit I bought you. We're going out to eat tonight," Logan announced and Kendall raised an eyebrow.

"What's the occasion?" he asked and Logan smiled.

"Just wanted to do something nice. . .now hurry up!"

Kendall jumped to his feet and gave a funny little salute, Logan shaking his head with a smile on his lips as the blond hurried to their bedroom. Yes. . .tonight will be the night and Logan will finally be happy.

* * *

Chez Fancy was all the rage down at Rocque. He heard models gabbing about it in the hallways and sometimes in the lobby down in the apartment complex but he never went to the restaurant until tonight. It was a big chunk out of his allowance and getting reservations so last minute was a pain but when he and Kendall arrived to the restaurant, he was happy he picked this spot. The decor was elegant, the finest music was playing from a live string quartet and the delicious smell of food wafted into Logan's nose the moment that they walked through the front doors.

Logan approached the maître d' while Kendall lingered a little bit behind by the potted plants, the brunette giving a gentle tap to the surface of the podium.

"A reservation for Mitchell, please?" Logan asked and the man nodded his head, searching the book until he found Logan's name.

 _"_ Ah yes, right this way gentlemen," he said and Logan looked over his shoulder. Kendall seemed a little bit pale, moving a bit slower and jumped when Logan grabbed his wrist. The brunette raised an eyebrow.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked and Kendall shook his head.

"N-No, nothing's wrong. Come on, let's take our seat," Kendall said and placed his hand on the small of Logan's back, quickly guiding the brunette through the tables and the people standing until they reached their own booth surrounded by plants and giving them some privacy. Logan took his seat and Kendall scooted in afterwards, a waiter handing them menus to look over.

"Can I get you both something to drink?" he asked and Kendall hummed.

"I guess just a Coke," he muttered and Logan nodded.

"I'll have the same," he said and the waiter nodded, turning on the heels of his shiny shoes and strode over towards the back of the restaurant. Logan looked back over to Kendall, the blond drumming his fingers over the surface of the table and chewing on his lower lip. "Kendall?"

"Huh?" Kendall asked, looking startled again and Logan frowned.

"Kendall, what is it? Why are you so jumpy?" he asked and Kendall sighed, moving to rub the back of his neck.

". . .Before I became homeless. . .I used to have a boyfriend that I took here all the time," Kendall murmured and Logan bit his lower lip.

"Oh. . .I-I didn't know that. I'm sorry, do you want to go-"

"No. It's fine. . .we can make new memories here, right?" Kendall asked and Logan gave a small smile as Kendall reached out a hand to gently rub Logan's. Logan gripped Kendall's hand tight, his heart all a flutter at the feel of the guitarist's touch. This was his first date, he didn't even go on a date with that high school sweetheart of his, or at least when it felt like a date. His skin was growing so much hotter and his cheeks were starting to tense from smiling so hard as Kendall gave a little chuckle. The waiter came back with the soda and a small basket of cheddar biscuits for the couple to snack on for the time being.

"Are we ready to order?" he asked and Kendall nodded his head, flipping open the menu and giving it a quick glance over.

"I'll have the cobb salad and the grilled chicken sandwich," Kendall said and Logan hummed.

"I'll just have the chicken alfredo," Logan replied and the waiter quickly jotted the orders down on his little pad, taking the menus before moving to tend to his other tables. Kendall looked over at Logan with a small smile and raised eyebrow.

"You're eating more tonight than I ever seen you eat," Kendall pointed out and Logan tried to smile at that but only found his face beginning to slightly twist in pain at the thought of it. No, no. He was going to eat right tonight. He wasn't going to starve himself tonight, he was going to be a different person and be happy with how he looked. Kendall placed a hand on Logan's and the brunette realized he was shaking, Kendall giving his hand a light squeeze. "Now what's going on with  _you?_ "

"I. . .I'm just feeling a little bit nervous," Logan lied and Kendall smiled.

"Why?. . .Because this is sort of a date?" he asked and rubbed his thumb over the back of Logan's skin. The brunette gave a feeble smile and Kendall scooted in closer. "Don't be nervous. . .we've been around each other for a while so you should feel comfortable. . .how are you enjoying yourself so far?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Logan said with a shake of his head and Kendall glanced around the restaurant.

"Things look a bit different in here than when I came last," Kendall said and Logan bit his lower lip. He supposed that was the other thing that was clawing in the back of his mind, him picking the same restaurant Kendall and his ex went to. . .

"How did you break up?" Logan blurted out and then pursed his lips tight, embarrassment flaring in his cheeks. "I-I mean, not like you have to answer if you don't want to-"

"No, it's alright," Kendall said and rested his cheek in the palm of his hand. "To tell you the truth. . .I broke up with him. . .he chose something else instead of loving me."

"Another person?" Logan asked and Kendall shook his head.

"No, not like that. We both loved each other so much, we wouldn't even think about cheating. . .he just chose something else that didn't involve me in his future," Kendall murmured and Logan looked down at his and Kendall's enclosed hands.

"So does that mean. . .it didn't have anything to do with you being homeless?" Logan asked and Kendall gave a chuckle.

"Well, me losing my job and my apartment and not even bothering to find another job cause I was too depressed could factor in. . .I haven't seen him in such a long time. . .wonder if he still thinks about me or tried to look for me when I left. . ." Kendall murmured and Logan looked away from Kendall, his other hand drumming over the surface of the table.

". . .Sounds like you still love him. . ." Logan sadly muttered and Kendall sighed.

"Sometimes I miss him. . .but I know I can't have him. . .I'd rather have someone else now that's caught my eye and made me forget about him for the first time in a while," Kendall said with a small smile and brought Logan's hand up to his lips, gently kissing the back of it. Logan blushed, reveling in the sensation of Kendall kissing his skin before Kendall glanced at him with sparkling emerald eyes. "I found someone else I want to love. . .but only if they let me."

". . .I-I'm sure they will," Logan said softly and Kendall smiled.

* * *

The pasta of Alfredo was steaming hot once it settled on the table in front of Logan. The sauce was dribbling all over the noodles, a light grating of Parmesan cheese on top and sprinkled with salt and pepper. Logan couldn't remember eating so much food like what was in front of him but was sure that once upon a time before all of this modeling mania happened, this would be the perfect portion for him. Kendall was looking at his sandwich and cobb salad with a tongue going out to run over his lower lip in hunger as he grabbed his fork and stabbed a few pieces of lettuce to eat.

"Delicious!" Kendall said with a grin and took another bite while Logan only sat back further in his spot, staring at the plate of pasta that seemed larger than before. He can do this, he can eat this food and not get sick. He was here to have a good time with Kendall, he was here to tell Kendall how he felt and

d that he was happy just the way he was. Logan grabbed his fork and stuck it in the top of the mountain of pasta. The sauce dripped down as he spun the noodles up onto his fork and raised it to his mouth to eat. His hand was shaking, his eyes were drooping and his skin began to sweat as he took his first bite.

_You're going to be so fat, it's disgusting._

Logan's eyes widened at the voice sounding like Mercedes was hissing in his ear, trying to chew the pasta that was already in his mouth.

_You're so disgusting, you're so weak. Do you honestly think Kendall is going to like you when you're stuffing your fat face like this? Look at him, he's eating healthy. His dinner is nice and light and you just have to be thefatty in the relationship. Oops, then again, he'd actually have to want a relationship with you._

The voices were getting louder, Logan's jaw growing tired from chewing the same bite over and over again. His stomach felt like it was churning and he could feel himself sweating so much. It was becoming a struggle to just swallow this  _one bite_.

_Look at him, he's gorgeous and I bet his ex-boyfriend was hotter than you were. I bet Kendall was thinking about him when he was jacking off that morning, thinking about his body, when they had sex, when they kissed. And you bring him to the restaurant they always went to, you're such an idiot._

"Stop, please stop," Logan whimpered and raised hands to the side of his head. He couldn't force it down, he couldn't swallow the food with the voices berating him inside his head. He could feel a hand on his arm, maybe Kendall or the waiter or someone but he couldn't look at them. He couldn't even  _hear_ them but those loud voices.

_You're so pathetic. All you want to do is fuck Kendall, don't you? Get all pretty and skinny for him so he'd want to fuck you and then he'll leave your stupid ass for someone hotter just like that boy did back in high school. Such a cheap, needy, slut._

Logan's eyes were watering, it felt like he was suffocating and Kendall's hands kept rubbing over his body and his arms. It felt like fire instead of a soothing touch, everything hurt so badly and Logan was growing so sick.

_Are you going to cry? You're so needy, always acting like you're the victim when you're just some ugly slut that wants attention. Swallow your food, little baby._

Logan swallowed it, choking out a pained gasp as Kendall rubbed his back and Logan's nails dug into his face. His eyes managed to flicker over to his glass, seeing a horrid reflection of himself. His face was engorged and sweating, his fingers were fat like sausages and his nails were little stubs. His neck was round and his skin was horribly blotchy, Logan whimpering and seeing in his reflection, his teeth were yellow and crooked. Another hand was on his face and it felt like someone was burning him, Logan clenching his eyes tight as they tried to force his head to turn.

 _You're disgusting, you're a slut, you're ugly, you don't deserve_ _anyone_.

Logan broke away and began to run from the table, his hands over his mouth and his vision blurry. He knew he bumped into tables and some people as he staggered to the bathroom, his legs wobbly and his stomach churning as he pushed his way into the bathroom and into one of the stalls. He barely had time to get to his knees before he began to vomit. His eyes burned with tears as he lurched and hurled, trying to clutch to the outer edge of the toilet to steady himself. He didn't even manage to close the bathroom stall's door, anyone walking in would see him in a sweaty crumpled mess emptying everything his stomach had into the once clean toilet bowl. Logan lurched up the bile before he just began to dry heave, his body convulsing and shaking as he gave a choked sob.

A hand was on his back and he weakly turned, Kendall standing behind him with a napkin from the table damp with water. He crouched down and helped Logan onto his feet, wiping the smaller man's mouth clean before he flushed the toilet and walked Logan out of the stall.

"Was it the food?" Kendall asked softly and Logan gave a weak wince.

"Yeah. . .food. . ."

". . .Let's just go home," Kendall said and Logan shook his head, slightly sending him off balance before Kendall held him steady once again.

"No. . .your dinner-"

"I want you to be okay, Logan. It's alright. Come on."

". . .I'm sorry," Logan apologized and Kendall looked at the brunette confused.

"For what?"

"For not being like your ex-boyfriend," Logan murmured, his eyes drooping and Kendall looked at the man confused. He would have asked something, if Logan didn't already close his eyes and let everything around him go black.


	11. Chapter 11

Logan stayed in bed for most of the day and night, his body weak and limp. He only hoped that whatever was going through his mind, whatever thoughts that were attacking him would go away. Every pore of his body ached and every inch of his skin was hot and sweaty. Kendall tried his best to treat him but there wasn't anything the blond could do, nothing the blond knew about. Though, Logan enjoyed the treatment and the comfort Kendall would give him, sometimes pulling the brunette into his arms to snuggle in his grasp. It made him felt loved, felt cared for.

But those voice would always hiss how it was all for attention, how  _none_ of this was real.

And Logan believed it.

Kendall was playing something on the guitar in the living room when Logan stirred himself from his sleep, the bedroom dark and the clock on the bedside stand reading 8:45. Logan gave a weak groan and turned, seeing the light from the living room down the hallway and he swung a leg out of bed. His head slightly grew woozy from standing but he steadied himself, slowly walking down the hallway and standing by the corner of the wall. Kendall was on the couch, guitar on his knee and slowly picking a soft tune over the strings.

"But to me you get more beautiful, every day~" Kendall sung softly and tried out a few notes to get it to the right tune of his voice before Kendall stopped and glanced up, spotting Logan standing in the hallway. The blond gave Logan a gentle smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"A little. . .but it was a nice awakening," Logan said and walked over to sit down on the arm of the couch. "What are you doing?"

"Just playing a little song that I thought of when you were sleeping. It's not finished though so I don't want you to hear it just yet," Kendall said with a smile and placed his guitar on the couch, slapping his hands onto his knees. "Are you hungry? I could whip us up something to eat," Kendall offered and Logan shook his head.

"No, I should cook. You're still my guest," Logan said and rubbed his forehead. Kendall gave a small frown to that, placing his hand on Logan's knee to give it a gentle rub.

"I don't think so. You're not feeling well, I don't want you passing out in the kitchen and hitting your head on something hard," Kendall said and rose to his feet but Logan pushed him back down.

"No, Kendall. I'll be fine, just work on finishing up that song," Logan said with a small smile and Kendall smiled back. The brunette got up from his spot on the arm of the couch before he moved into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator to check for what they had stocked before opening the freezer. Logan spotted a frozen pizza that would be simple enough for him to cook, the model taking it out and placing it on the counter to open the box and the wrapping.

Logan didn't hear anymore guitar music as he grabbed a pan for the pizza to be on, but when he moved to the oven to begin preheating, hands were on his hips and slowly trailing up his sides. Logan turned to look over his shoulder, Kendall right there and letting his fingertips run over Logan's stomach before back up his sides. "What are you doing?" Logan whispered, giving a slight shudder from Kendall's fingers brushing against his skin.

"I write songs from experience," Kendall murmured and gave a kiss to Logan's collarbone. "And this is something I want to experience with you," the blond replied and nuzzled into Logan's neck. Logan cooed as Kendall's hand went to his neck, slowly tilting him back so he could kiss along Logan's throat. Logan closed his eyes to Kendall's touch, his lips parting to take in a quiet gasp as Kendall kissed his Adam's apple. Kendall's other hand drifted down, resting on Logan's hip to slowly turn the model to face him.

Logan's eyes stared up into Kendall's, giving a nervous swallow as Kendall gently ran his fingers over Logan's pale cheek. His thumb went to tap against Logan's lower lip, Kendall inching his head closer and closer. The blond closed his eyes as the tips of their noses brushed against each other, Logan feeling his heart beating extremely fast against his chest. He couldn't force himself to close his eyes, his body felt like it was going rigid and stiff the closer Kendall drew near, the stronger the scent of that minty toothpaste Logan bought for Kendall lingering on his tongue. Kendall pressed his lips against his own, Logan's eyes going wide as Kendall kissed him.

Kendall was gentle, his lips moving and sliding over Logan's and sucking on his lower lip. Logan's hands clenched into tight fists, his eyes beginning to droop closed as he tried to relax into the kiss. Kendall's hands moved down lower to hold him by his hips and pull him close, his lips working Logan's mouth open and tongue slid past the smaller man's lips. Logan could feel Kendall beginning to push him back up against the counter, giving him nowhere to escape. The guitarist's fingers slid under Logan's shirt, feeling around his hips and down to his lower back as he deepened the kiss, Logan's cheeks growing flushed as he finally allowed his arms to move and wrap around Kendall.

_"You're a pretty good kisser," the boy said to Logan, his lips kissing along the corners of Logan's mouth as he pulled Logan more into his grasp. The teen blushed, feeling his hand being dragged down to palm at his crush's erection._

_"I-I don't think I could-"_

_"Come on now," he said with a little whimper in voice, looking at Logan with those soft eyes he always immediately fell in love with. The boy began to kiss Logan again as his hands began to tug off Logan's shirt, his fingers lightly tracing along Logan's chest and his sides. "I know you want it, I know you want to see what it's like."_

_"But I. . .I wanted something like this to be special," Logan said as he was pushed backward onto the couch and the boy climbed on top of him, straddling his waist as he gave him a smile._

_"I'm not special enough for you?"_

_"N-No, I didn't mean that at all. I meant. . .I want to do this with someone that I love and loves me back," Logan said softly and the boy chuckled, resting his forehead against Logan's._

_"I love you," he said with a smile, letting his fingers trail over Logan's stomach and Logan's eyes widened._

_"R-Really?"_

_"Yeah. . .come on," he whispered and kissed Logan's lips again, taking Logan's hand to rub it against his own straining erection. "That's it. . .just like that. . ."_

Logan shoved Kendall away and placed hands to his head. "No! Not again! No!" he screeched, Kendall looking at the model with confused and surprised eyes. Logan stared at the blond, his body shaking and his eyes watering. He already felt his stomach beginning to churn and twist into tight knots as Kendall stepped closer with a hand outstretched.

"Logan? What's going on?. . .I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed myself on you. . .if you want me to leave-"

"No," Logan croaked and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want. . .I just. . ." He placed his face in his hands, giving a hurt and tired sigh. "You were right, you were right."

"What was I right about?" Kendall asked and Logan gestured to the entire apartment.

"This. I didn't came here to be a model because I love it. I don't even really  _want_ to be a model, I just want to have someone that loves me. . .that sees me as someone  _worth_  having around," Logan choked out and Kendall wrapped arms around Logan, his hand rubbing Logan's back in small circles.

"It's okay. . .it's okay-"

"No it's not. I came here because I'm some self conscious, timid, pathetic waste of time that couldn't handle seeing the person that I thought loved me and I was stupid enough to give my virginity to be happier than me. Be happier than me and act like I don't even  _exist_ , that what we did  _never_ happened. I'm pathetic, I'm pathetic-"

"Stop. Stop saying that," Kendall said sternly and held Logan's face in his hands.

"It's all true, everyone knows that I'm a waste of time. I don't look like any of those models, I'm not gorgeous like James is, I'm probably a complete downgrade from your ex-boyfriend, I'm  _nothing_ ," Logan said and Kendall kissed him again, his lips pressing tight against Logan like he was attempting to kiss away all of the doubt and self-hate about himself. Logan closed his eyes, allowing himself this moment before Kendall gently pulled away.

"You're more than gorgeous to me. . .and I would  _never_ do what that boy did to you, Logan."

". . .But I'm scared," Logan whispered and glanced down at his hands, positively  _trembling_. "He left me for someone more beautiful. . .I just want to know what's wrong with me, why wasn't  _I_ good enough? We walked together, we always talked, we told each other secrets and the one night we have sex. . .it's all gone. . .I just want to know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you, Logan. You're not broken, you don't need to fix yourself up for some guy that didn't appreciate what was in front of him. You just need to find people that  _will_ love you the way you are. You got me," Kendall said and kissed the back of Logan's hand. "And that photographer friend, right? That may be all the people you need for now, Logan. And others will come in the future. . .but you have to let go of that boy and what happened in the past. You have to let me and others love you for the way you are, Logan. . .insecurities, fears and flaws, hopes and dreams. I'll love it all, Logan, but only if you let me."

The blond rested his forehead against Logan's and smiled. "Promise?" he asked softly and Logan's hands moved to clutch the front of Kendall's shirt tight in his fists. Kendall let his lips fall onto Logan's forehead, his hand going up to gently thread through Logan's hair.

". . .Promise. . ."

* * *

It's been a while since Logan ate a burger, with fries and a small smoothie Kendall prepared for him to take to Rocque for lunch. The voices that Logan always used to hear didn't seem to be so loud anymore. They were still there though, hissing at Logan for eating so much and the brunette would quickly try to head off to the gym and burn off the calories he just took in. But the damage would already be done and Logan found himself caring less and less about it.

Especially since Kendall would kiss him along his stomach and blow little raspberries into his skin, humming how he loved how soft Logan's stomach was against his lips.

Some models were looking at him funny as they passed by him in the small lunchroom at Rocque. Mostly there wouldn't be anyone in the room, maybe a few photographers but that was mainly it. It was quiet though, just how Logan liked it to be. No Mercedes or Jett around to snip or criticize him for what he was eating. Nothing around that could spoil his thoughts.

"Logan?" he heard someone softly call out and Logan glanced up from his food to look with wide eyes at James standing in front of his table, a small bag slung over his shoulder. The brunette was chewing on his lower lip, his hand gripping the strap tight in his fist. "I. . .can I sit with you for a second?"

Logan glanced around, wasn't like there was anyone else in the room offering, and he gestured to the chair beside him.

"Of course," Logan said and James gave a small smile, sitting down in the chair and placing his bag on the table to open and pull out his own lunch. A small thermos of soup and a turkey sandwich, Logan looking at the lunch with a raised eyebrow. James glanced over at Logan, first time Logan had ever seen timidity in those hazel eyes.

"I bet you think I'm crazy now or something. Or that I need pitying cause I'm so twisted," he murmured and Logan shook his head.

"Not at all. . .I just understand you more now," Logan said and glanced down at his own food. "We're both the same. . .we both don't see the same thing in the mirror."

James gave a small sigh. "I don't think you see the same thing that I do when I look into a mirror. . .Logan, I'm sorry for the way that I've acted towards you," James apologized and Logan watched as the model brushed his bangs nervously out of his face. "I was. . .completely jealous and you didn't do anything wrong. . .I'm trying to get better, honest. . .I want to get better for Carlos."

Logan gave a small smile. "You both really love each other, don't you?"

James gave a small chuckle. "I guess. . .it's been a long time since I had someone that loved and cared about me like he does," James said softly and Logan nodded his head.

"Right. . .Carlos told me about the ex-boyfriend and stuff. . .what was he like?"

James sighed. "He was wonderful, he always knew what was the right thing to do, he took care of me. No matter what happened, I knew he would be right by my side and he'd help me. He was perfect and I loved him so much."

". . .So why did you break up?" Logan asked and James took a sip from his thermos.

". . .Griffin. . ." James said softly and Logan raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Griffin? But why? He doesn't like models dating each other or-"

"I'm sorry, I-I don't like to talk about this kind of thing," James said shakily, beginning to pack up his lunch and Logan placed down his burger.

"W-Wait, don't leave. I'm sorry, I won't ask about it again. . .stay?" Logan asked and James gave the smaller man a smile.

"No, I really should be going. . .I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I'm working on it. . .maybe we can hang out sometime?" James asked and Logan nodded his head, giving a small smile.

"I'm not doing anything tonight. Maybe you and Carlos could come over to my place and have dinner with me and my new boyfriend," Logan said with a small smile and James smiled back.

"I'm happy for you and I'll ask Carlos about it-"

"You both are dating now, right?" Logan asked and James blushed, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

"Oh. . .no. . .not yet. I don't know, we're both afraid to make a move but I  _know_ we want each other. . .just haven't told him how I felt," James murmured and Logan gave a smile before pausing. He glanced over James' shoulder, Griffin standing in the doorway of the lunchroom with arms crossed and small smile on his lips. In one of his hands was a manilla folder filled with what appeared to be photos. James glanced over his shoulder as well, Logan seeing how James' face grew pale and worried. The CEO beamed, clasping his hands together as he strolled over to the two models.

"Well well! If it isn't my two favorite golden boys!" he said so enthusiastically, moving over to James and giving the brunette a look over. The blue eyes stopped on James' bag of food, raising his eyebrow. "I haven't seen you eat around here in a long time. . .hopefully whatever is in that bag is healthy. Don't want to ruin this beautiful body and pretty face of yours now, do we?"

James only have a nod and a nervous gulp as Griffin patted his cheek. James quickly rushed away with head down low, Griffin watching him depart with a grin on his lips before he turned attention to Logan and his food. "Tasty looking burger. . .did you lose some weight, Logan? Enough for you to model in our Winter Show?"

"I. . .I haven't really been checking lately-" Logan began but Griffin shook his head, pitying and disappointing.

"I thought that you wanted this job."

"I-I do! I just-"

"You haven't been losing weight at the rate I want you to be. Which is why I brought you some visuals as to how we want you to look like before the Winter Show," Griffin said with a big smile and tossed the manilla folder on the table. Logan looked at the folder before back at the smiling CEO's face, giving a small gulp as he opened the folder and took out the first photograph. His eyes widened at the picture as Griffin continued to speak.

"Handsome, isn't he? He was the  _finest_ model we had here, could sell anything with those eyes and that smile. And of course his figure was perfect for runways, traveled all over the country and to Milan representing Rocque. Unfortunately, he had a bad temper and got his career here with us terminated. We want you to look like  _him_. His body shape, as skinny and as toned, understand?"

Logan swallowed as he shifted through the photos of the exact same model. Headshots, magazine cut outs, shots of him on the runway, every picture making Logan's head throb in confusion and slight shock.

". . .And this model. . .what was his name?"

"Well here he was called 'K. Knight', but his name was Kendall Knight. Shame a great talent like his was wasted on a nasty little temper tantrum, had to take down that nice portrait of him down in the lounge," Griffin said with a smile and gave a few pats to Logan's shoulder. "You think you can make it happen for us, Logan?"

Logan didn't speak, only stared at Kendall's face giving a sultry model look, a perfect model look.

". . .I'll see."


	12. Chapter 12

Kendall wasn't home when Logan got back to the apartment from Rocque, the brunette holding all of the photos of Kendall in his arms. He didn't know what to think at that moment. He didn't know if he wanted to be angry at Kendall for lying to him or intimidated because it seemed Kendall used to be a more revered model at Rocque than James was. He looked back at the photos, Kendall just looked so amazing. His eyes sparkled more than ever from the flash of the cameras, his smile was pearly white and lips were a light shade of pink. His dimples were so prominent, making his face look even more charming and handsome than it already was.

How was Logan supposed to look like  _this?_

He sighed, taking the photos with him into the bedroom and placed them on the nightstand. He stepped out of his shoes and flopped onto the bed, climbing into the bed and resting his cheek on the pillow. Kendall was a model at Rocque. . .Kendall lied about everything. About Camille and the company. . .Logan only wondered what other secrets Kendall was hiding.

Logan awoke to the feel of lips on his cheek, his eyes fluttering in the dark to find that Kendall was standing over him with his guitar strapped on his back. The blond smiled, his hand going over to run fingers through Logan's hair. "Evening, Sleeping Beauty," Kendall greeted and Logan rubbed his eyes.

"It's nighttime?"

"Well it's sunset. I've been out in the park and collected about $300 worth of tips. Plus this lady said she'll pay me to play at this little party she's having next Thursday," Kendall said and Logan smiled, sitting up in the bed.

"That's good."

"Yeah. . .scoot over, I want to cuddle," Kendall said with a cheeky and playful grin and Logan would have happily obliged if his eyes didn't glance over to the bedstand and saw the folder with the photos. Logan looked back at Kendall, the blond toeing off his shoes as Logan reached over and grabbed the folder.

"Kendall?"

"Yeah baby?"

". . .Did you used to work for Rocque?" Logan gently asked and Kendall paused before he smiled and gave a scoff.

"That again? Thinking I'm a model cause I'm cute? I told you I'm not and I didn't work there," Kendall said matter of factly and Logan opened the folder, handing the blond the first photo on top of the stack. Kendall paled, Logan's eyes steadily watching as he took the picture and stared at it. All was quiet between them, Kendall's eyes scanning over the photo before his eyebrows began to furrow.

"I can't believe he kept these," Kendall murmured darkly and turned the picture on its side, tearing the photo in half.

"Ripping the photo up won't change the fact that you lied to me," Logan said and Kendall tore the picture into fours.

"Logan, I can explain-"

"So you lied about being a model, did you lie about Camille too? Is that the reason why you don't ever want to go out when the other models are in the hall?" Logan questioned and Kendall ran a hand through his hair.

"Camille isn't important here-"

"Yes it is! Kendall, why did you-" Logan stopped, the doorbell ringing and he hit his forehead. He forgot all about James and Carlos coming over, he hadn't even started on dinner yet. Kendall looked down the hall, confused as Logan jumped to his feet. "Put your shoes back on, we're going to have to go out for dinner with some friends."

"Friends? What kind of friends?" Kendall questioned but Logan ignored him, quickly walking down the hall and he opened the door. Carlos and James were standing before him, smiling politely as Logan threw on a smile of his own.

"Come on in!" Logan said and Carlos nodded, allowing James to step inside first before he did. Carlos glanced around the apartment, giving a little whistle as Logan closed the door.

"Still looks as nice as the first time I walked in here. . .where's your boyfriend?" Carlos asked and Logan bit his lower lip.

"He's uh-"

"Oh my god," James murmured, Logan looking to see the brunette's eyes were blown wide one and his face was pale. Logan turned around, Kendall standing in the hallway staring right at James with the same expression, both of them not speaking. Carlos stuck his hand out towards Kendall with a smile.

"Hi! I'm Carlos and this is-"

"James," Kendall spoke, stepping closer and James began to step back, shaking his head and eyes beginning to water.

"No. No, get away from me. Get away!" James screamed, his hands going up to his face as Carlos quickly moved to James' side. Kendall continued to approach James anyways, his eyes soft and so sorrowful.

"Oh Jamie, what did he do to you?"

"Don't call me that! Don't! You don't exist! I'm not you! I'm not you!" James cried and turned, beginning to claw and try to get out of the locked door. Carlos quickly wrapped arms around James, Logan watching the brunette begin to shake and twist in Carlos' grasp. "No, I have to get out of here. I can't look at him, I need to get out.  _I need to get out!_ "

"James, baby-" Carlos tried to start but the brunette continued to writhe and sweat in Carlos' grasp, so desperate to get out and Logan only stood there helpless and confused. Carlos looked over his shoulder at Logan, biting on his lower lip. "I'm going to take him home, I'm sorry."

"N-No, it's alright," Logan said and moved over to the door. James was sweating so bad and convulsing so hard, Logan opening the door and Carlos quickly ushered James out into the hallway. Logan quietly closed the door behind them, placing his hands on the wood and closed his eyes as he tried to think. He opened them and glanced over his shoulder at Kendall, the blond standing there with sad eyes and a heartbroken frown.

". . .Come back to bed. I have to explain a lot of things," Kendall murmured and turned on his heel, not waiting for Logan to follow him. Logan trudged behind slowly, his heart beating fast as Kendall entered the bedroom and sat on the bed, patting the spot beside him for Logan to sit down. Once Logan did, Kendall gave a small sigh and slapped his hands onto his knees. "Yes, I lied to you. I lied to you because what happened to me at Rocque is something that I want to forget. And I did, I didn't remember any of those things, of those people until you came along. And the memories started floating back. . .James and Camille and Griffin. . .all people I want to forget."

". . .Why?" Logan asked and Kendall drummed his fingers over his leg.

"I came out to here from a small town. I liked having people looking at me and I liked to play guitar so I wanted to see about maybe making a record deal out here before moving to California or something. But one of the reps from Rocque saw me and hauled me over to do modeling instead," Kendall said and gave a small shrug. "The money was great, I partied pretty much every night and Griffin  _loved_ the money I was pulling in for him. . .then I met Camille and we started dating."

" _Dating?_ " Logan asked surprised and Kendall nodded.

"Guess you could say she was what turned me off to women. She's beautiful and funny, yes. But when we were together it was always  _sex_. It didn't even feel like a relationship, all we did was fuck each other and we barely talked. I didn't know if she cheated on me when I wasn't putting out for her, probably. But I wasn't some nymphomaniac like her, I couldn't deal with it anymore and we broke up. . .that's when I began to notice things."

"Things?" Logan asked and Kendall hummed.

"People were binging and purging themselves, starving themselves and slipping each other drugs for those parties that I always went to. No one noticed except for me, no one seemed to realize that what was going on was a major problem and that all these models needed help or something. Griffin. . .he didn't care when I told him. His only concern was money, we were all cash cows to him and as long as we made him money, he wouldn't do shit. And that just got me  _so_ mad because these were some of my friends and nothing that I was saying got through into their heads. I was watching my friends literally wither away into nothing but skin and bones. I would have quit if-"

"James didn't come. . .you and James dated and you're the ex-boyfriend," Logan softly murmured and Kendall gave a sigh.

"He actually tell you about me or did you force it out of him?" Kendall asked and Logan twiddled his fingers, bobbing his foot as he bit the inside of his cheek.

"It didn't come so easy. . .what was he screaming about? I don't understand."

"I don't either but at the same time. . .I know it's my fault. . .when James came, I knew he wanted this more than anyone there at Rocque. He was beautiful and he was so determined. . .I wanted to stay and help him anyway that I can. He flocked to me a bit already since I was a top model. . .and the romance followed afterwards. I just wanted to help him anyway that I could. . .I loved him. . .but Griffin just kept putting him down for not looking like  _me_. James has rosacea and Griffin harped about his face always being too red. James also wasn't that Adonis you saw in there either, he had a little bit of pudge around his hips and wasn't so muscular."

"When I went over to James' place to take him out for dinner, I found a pamphlet for plastic surgery from Griffin and that got me  _pissed_. I tore it up and I went to Griffin the next day threatening I'll walk out if he doesn't back off about James. He said he would. . .but it was too late. James didn't think he was beautiful anymore, he didn't think that he was good enough for Griffin and he began to do everything to just receive the recognition he deserved. He started exercising every single moment he could, we barely went out on dates and I caught him trying to vomit in his bathroom. . .I just felt so sick that he was getting this way and I made him see a psychiatrist to help with his problem."

". . .Did it work?" Logan asked and Kendall crossed his arms.

"Did it look like it worked to you?" he asked and Logan bit his lower lip. Kendall sighed. "He still dieted and exercised like crazy and he just  _changed_. He didn't even want me to look at him or take pictures of him, who I was looking at was different than who he saw in the mirror. Not like Griffin cared, he probably thought it was funny since none of the models ever got like James did at a photoshoot. . .everything was just some fucking joke to him. I threatened to walk out again and that was when he just fired me for 'bad behavior'. I tried to get James to come with me but Griffin started pampering him and giving him all the praise and good photoshoots. . .James chose to stay with Griffin and Rocque just the way he is instead of coming with me and getting better. . .so we broke up."

Logan leaned back on the palms of his hands, looking down at the bedroom floor. "Wow. . ."

"Yeah. . .wow. . .that's why I acted that way towards you when I found out you were working at Rocque. You just didn't know and I didn't want to see the same thing happen to you like it happened to James," Kendall said softly and gave a groan. "He's gotten worse, so much worse. . .I just wish I could have done more for him. . .maybe I would have helped us both."

". . .Do you still love him?" Logan asked quietly and Kendall looked at him, a small smile coming to his lips as he scooted over and wrapped arms around Logan's frame. He leaned down and kissed the brunette gently on the lips, sucking on Logan's lower lip before he pulled away and rubbed Logan's arm.

"How I felt about him is in the past. I care about him. . .but not the same way that I care about you," Kendall said and kissed Logan's forehead. Logan closed his eyes at the touch of Kendall's lips, snuggling further into the blond's grasp. "You made be afraid of how you think you look, that you don't think you're beautiful enough or important but you are, Logan. Nothing is going to change the way how I feel about you. . .I love you."

Logan looked up to Kendall with wide eyes, his cheeks flushing red and he could feel his heart beginning to quake in his chest. "Do you mean that?"

Kendall gave another soft kiss to Logan's lips. "I do. . .I should have told you. But I was just worried that you would fall into Griffin's trap or one of those selfish punks that call themselves 'models'," Kendall said with a disgusted tone and Logan gave a nervous swallow. "But you're stronger than that, you're beautiful, Logan, and I love you."

Logan could only give a weak sigh, thinking about his dwindling weight and his fear of disappointing Griffin, now the fear of disappointing Kendall burning deeper in Logan's veins.

* * *

Carlos came in to his living room, settling one cup of hot tea in front of James while he held the other one tight in his grasp. He placed a hand on the model's leg, rubbed it as James stared at the drink. "Drink, James. It'll make you feel better. . .I also got some cookies if you want something to eat."

"That's so unhealthy, Carlos," James said and Carlos scoffed.

"It makes me feel better so I could care less. . .what happened back there? Why did you act that way?" Carlos gently asked, his hand moving up to rub James' back as the brunette took in a shaky breath.

". . .T-That was my ex-boyfriend. That was the one that left Rocque and broke up with me," James said and Carlos bit his lower lip. James reached out and took his cup of tea, taking a sip before he let out another shaky breath. "I didn't think I would see him again after such a long time. . .I never felt so horrible in my life."

"What did he do to you, James? Did he treat you bad?" Carlos asked and James shook his head.

"No, not at all. . .he was wonderful to me. He was kind and loving, he wanted me to do so well."

". . .Then I don't understand. Why did you two break up?" Carlos asked and James took another sip of his tea.

". . .Because of Griffin. . .and me," James murmured, placing the teacup back down onto the table. ". . .I have purging disorder. I admit it, I admit there's something wrong with me but I just  _can't stop._  This is my  _dream_  and when Kendall worked at Rocque, it was always about him. Why couldn't I look like Kendall? Why couldn't I act like Kendall? Why couldn't I be as handsome or as skinny as Kendall? Why wasn't  _I_ good enough? I. . .Griffin just wouldn't stop comparing me to Kendall and praising Kendall over me. . .a-and I just wanted to be accepted. . .Mercedes and Jett said it would be a faster way to lose weight-"

"James, you needed to get away from them. They are  _not_ your friends."

". . .I know they're not. I know what they say about me when I'm not around," James whispered and Carlos wrapped arms around James, nuzzling his cheek into the brunette's shoulder.

"Don't worry about them. They're not worthy to be friends with someone wonderful like you," Carlos murmured into the sleeve of James' shirt.

"Right. . .Kendall caught me trying to throw up one time and he sent me to get help but it just didn't work. . .every time I looked into the mirror, I didn't see me. I saw that fat kid with red cheeks or something even more grotesque. . .sometimes I see Kendall instead of me and he's  _mocked_  me. . .that's why I couldn't bear to see him again. Kendall got fired because he got into a fight with Griffin over me and my health, and he asked me to leave with him. But-"

"You stayed."

"Griffin was giving me so many opportunities and I thought this would finally be my shot at being a famous model. . .I thought he would understand-"

"But you were still purging yourself, James. You weren't getting help," Carlos said and James placed his head in his hands.

"I know, I know. . .I just wanted to be a model so bad. . .and when Kendall left me, Griffin began to harp about me not being like Kendall and he wouldn't give me time to try and lose weight. He didn't think that I wanted it as bad and I told him that I'd do anything if he would just give me a chance. . .and well I. . .I. . ." James rubbed his face, sucking in a breath. "Whenever Griffin wants, I give him other services."

"Other services. . .James, you don't mean-"

"Don't think I'm disgusting or a slut for sleeping with him," James said quickly, cheeks red and ashamed. "H-He promised me that I'll be able to stay at Rocque if I keep doing it and-"

"This isn't right! He's raping you! Why didn't you tell me about this?!"

"Because I didn't want anyone to find out and think that I don't belong here," James said and clutched the front of Carlos' shirt. "Please don't leave me, Carlos."

"I wouldn't dream of leaving you, James. . ." Carlos said and took James' face in his hands, gently rubbing his thumb over James' cheek bones. He tapped James' cheeks, slowly inching forward with soft breath and fluttering eyes. He could feel James beginning to slightly tremble under his touch but Carlos continued forward anyways, beginning to smell the sugars and honey and tea on James' breath as their noses brushed. Carlos closed the distance between their lips, pressing soft and gentle. James' fist clutched tighter to the front of his shirt, Carlos nibbling along James' lower lip before pushing his tongue in between James' lips to prod in the wet warmth.

James gave a few weak whimpers in Carlos' mouth that the photographer reciprocated, the two only pulling away to take a breath of air. James' cheeks were flushed and Carlos gave the model a smile. "You're beautiful, James. I love you exactly how you are and you don't need to be treated the way Griffin and Mercedes and Jett treat you," Carlos said and ran his fingers through James' hair. The brunette didn't say anything about that, his eyes still looking worried sick and his body still quaked under Carlos' touch. ". . .You don't believe me, do you?"

James bit his lower lip as Carlos took his hand and pulled the model onto his feet, gently leading him out of the living room and down the hallway to the bedroom. James' palm was beginning to sweat as Carlos pushed open the door and pulled him inside, turning the brunette towards a wall sized closet mirror. James gave a pained squeak but Carlos held the taller man in his arms to prevent him from looking away, his fingers lightly tracing over James' shoulders. "Do you see what I see in the mirror? I see someone so amazing and so beautiful, someone that likes to have pink smoothies when it's nice and cool outside underneath a tree, someone that has an amazing laugh and an amazing smile even when I'm telling the most corniest jokes. . .that someone is you, James. And I love you so much."

Carlos kissed James' shoulder, down his arm and back up to kiss softly around James' neck. "There's so much more to you than your looks, James. You're an amazing person and if they can't see it,  _they're_ the ugly ones. . .look at me?" Carlos asked and James tilted his head over to glance at the shorter male leaning up on his tip toes to kiss along James' jaw. Carlos pulled back, kissing the tip of James' nose before letting his fingers drift down to James' waist and the end of James' shirt. Carlos slowly pulled the fabric off, exposing James' torso to him.

James crossed his arms over his chest, looking away from the mirror but Carlos sighed. "Look at yourself, James. I promise you, Kendall isn't there. Neither is some monster."

James sucked in a breath, glancing over to the mirror as Carlos let his fingers and lips grace over the model's sun-kissed skin. Over James' pectorals and his lips latched onto one of James' nipples. The brunette gasped, his hands immediately going to clutch at Carlos' hair in surprise. "C-Carlos," James moaned, Carlos' teeth and tongue teasing around the nub before he pulled off and gave the same treatment to the other one. His hands moved around to James' back, tracing a line down the taller man's spine before his arms wrapped around James' waist and picked the model off the floor. James gave a startled noise, Carlos carrying James over to the bed and laid the model down atop the bedding. "Keep looking at yourself. . .keep looking at how beautiful your body is and how much I love you," Carlos said and kissed along James' abdomen, taking one of James' large hands to place in his own hair for the brunette to tug at.

Carlos' tongue slowly dragged against James' skin, licking around James' navel and kissed along the sides of his hips. His teeth nipped along and over James' skin, fingers wrapping around the brim of the brunette's pants. Carlos glanced up at James' face, James' eyes watching their reflections as Carlos slid one hand up James' torso while the other hand slid down over the bulge in James' jeans. The brunette moaned, Carlos moving up to kiss over James' jaw as his hand swiftly undone James' belt and popped the button of the jeans open. James' hand threaded through Carlos' hair as Carlos rubbed over his clothed erection, humming into James' skin.

James gasped from a particularly strong squeeze, Carlos resting his chin in the crook of James' neck as he rubbed and squeezed the model's cock. He heard James beginning to pant in his ear, Carlos closing his eyes and continued to kiss along his neck. James' fingers moved and tangled in Carlos' shirt, beginning to tug on the photographer's shirt. Carlos raised up, allowing James to pull the shirt off of him before the brunette began to tug off his own pants. Carlos did the same, yanking his khaki shorts off his legs and pulling down his boxer shorts as his own cock sprung out.

James rested back on the bed, completely bare as Carlos crawled over him and kissed his lips again. James bit and sucked on Carlos' lower lip this time around, large hands going to rest on Carlos' back to hold the Latino tight against his body. Carlos slid down, bodies growing slick with sweat as he rested himself in between James' legs. He gave a kiss to the tip of James' member, the head swollen and a bright pink shade and James shuddered. Carlos braced his hands on the sides of James' thighs, wrapping his lips around the head of James' cock to lightly suck on.

Carlos' head would bob up and down, his tongue tracing a vein up and down the shaft before swallowing it all back down again. His hand rubbed up and down James' thigh, his fingertips tickling the model's skin and making James draw little pleasured breaths. Carlos pulled off with a loud pop, smiling at James as he gave one last lick up the shaft and teased it around the slit. Carlos moved onto his knees, crawling over to his bedside stand and pulled out the drawer. He grabbed a condom and some lube, the sound of Carlos slamming the drawer shut making James jump.

"It's okay, it's okay," Carlos said with a soft smile and ran his hand over James' leg before he gave the smooth skin a soft kiss. Carlos popped open the cap of lube, squirting some of the cool substance onto his fingers before he paused and noticed James was looking into the mirror. The hazel eyes were so depressed, so dull and lifeless, so much in pain. "James?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do with myself," the model softly murmured and looked at Carlos. The photographer lowered his hands, glancing over James' body before looking into the mirror himself.

". . .Do you want to do this? I-I'm sorry if I pushed but-"

"No, no," James said quickly and sat up, giving a kiss to Carlos' lips. "I want to do this, Carlos. . .but I'm just. . ."

"Scared?"

"What if I just can't be what you want? I'm  _clearly_ fucked in the head, I just don't want to drag all of my problems onto you," James said and Carlos rested his forehead against James'.

"You've been what I wanted the longest. . .someone that inspires me. I love you, James. You're not going to chase me away because of what Griffin done to you. I don't want what happened in the past affecting your future. . .you're amazing, James."

The brunet smiled softly, gave a choked laugh before he leaned into Carlos' caress. Carlos brought their lips together, kissing and nibbling along James' thin and soft ones ever so lightly. He could feel James tremble under his touch, scared and nervous. Carlos rubbed his thumb over James' cheekbone, reassuring in a way and calming James down for just a moment. They pulled away with their lips making a quiet popping noise, James' eyes fluttering and cheeks rose red as Carlos nuzzled his nose to the crook of James' neck. Lubed and wet fingers rubbed over James' entrance, hesitant and slow before one of the digits sunk in past the ring of muscle. James tightened around Carlos' finger, giving a startled breath as Carlos made butterfly kisses into his clavicle.

"It's okay, relax," Carlos whispered into James' skin and James sucked in a breath, spreading his thighs wider and letting his mind drift away from the burn. Carlos sunk the finger down deeper to the second knuckle, his thumb running along the underside of James' balls as he pulled and pushed the finger in and out. James' eyes were scrunched tight, trying to keep his voice down. His fingers clawed into the bedsheets, feeling Carlos rock and roll his body against his hipbone and thigh as he fingered and stretched the model beneath him. Carlos' was licking and tracing lazy circles into James' skin, sometimes letting his teeth scrape over the sensitive surface to make James' breath hitch.

"A- _Ahhh~_ " James panted, two fingers now rubbing along his inner walls and scissoring slow and gentle. Carlos bit down on a pulse point, his other hand gently running fingertips over James' clenched arms, breathing and panting growing harsh as Carlos rutted his hips against James faster and harder. The slick and sticky wetness of Carlos' pre-come slipped over the crest of James' hipbone, making James' own cock twitch in arousal at the feel. "Litos," James breathed and choked a breath, Carlos striking that bundle of nerves inside him and pressing down on it  _hard_.

Carlos latched his lips on James' chest, sucking and biting what he could, James beginning to keen and whine and fuck back on Carlos' fingers. Three fingers were in now, James desiring so much to be filled by Carlos' essence and body. He wanted it all, he wanted his everything and James managed to raise a shaky hand to the back of Carlos' neck. He stroked the nape, Carlos' skin hot and sweaty as he gave one last grunt and arched his back.

"You ready?" Carlos asked quietly, barely above a whisper and James pulled his lower lip in between his teeth.

"Y-Yeah," James stuttered out and Carlos pulled his fingers out of James' constricting entrance. James shuddered at the feel, moving onto his back and halfway hanging off the bed. He looked into the mirror, his face and entire body covered in a sex flush. His lips were the brightest shade of pink, sweaty bangs sticking to his forehead. His eyes were blown out wide, dark as night but warm as the sun. Above him, James watched as Carlos propped himself on his knees, tearing open the foil for the condom. Carlos' body was beautiful, smooth caramel skin with the faint hint of pink, James growing more aroused by watching Carlos roll the condom on than the actual thought of the photographer about to fuck him. Carlos grabbed the lube, pouring a generous amount in his palm to cover his erection before smoothing some over James' hole. He slipped in three fingers for a split second before pulling them back out and spreading James' legs.

"Just tell me to stop whenever you want," Carlos said, voice in a low rasp and James nodded his head. Carlos' hands moved down to hold James by his hips, brushing up against James' entrance and his cock slid in between James' cheeks. He grabbed it by the base, pushing against James' hole and James closed his eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly, Carlos began to ease his way inside and James' mouth fell open into a moan until Carlos bottomed out, hips to ass and feeling James squeeze around him. Carlos slumped over onto James, tucking his face into the crook of James' neck once more and tangling his fingers into James' sweating locks.

"Move," James breathed and Carlos kissed his Adam's Apple. Carlos pulled his hips back, til only the tip of his cock was inside the brunet before he thrust forward. James moaned, feeling Carlos jut his hips back even harder to thrust inside. James was trying to keep his moans still quiet, panting hard with breath quickening. His arms moved around Carlos' torso, one hand clawing at Carlos' shoulder blade while the other grabbed at Carlos' lower back, the touch making Carlos thrust harder but still go nice and slow.

It's been so long since someone made love to James, sweet and slow with kisses and touches abound. When the point of sex wasn't about because either of them were horny and in need of a rough and fast release, but for the desire to be one and drink in each other's essence and love. It's been so long since James felt the gentle caress on the side of his hip where a painful vice used to hold him. It's been so long since James felt soft butterfly kisses dance over his throat and to his chin and then his lips, when a hand would be clamped around his throat for a strong hold, or teeth would gnaw into his skin as if James was nothing but a piece of meat. Carlos' voice, his soft ooh-ahs that melted with each roll of his hips from the tip of his tongue was so different than Griffin's harsh and cold grunts, the CEOs hisses through his clenched teeth.

It felt so different.

It felt so  _good_.

James' head tilted back, eyes opening one more time to look into the mirror. His face was now beet red, hair stuck to his forehead and his pink lips open in a large 'Oh' shape. He didn't look a thing like in the magazines, fucked out and sweating hard, blood rushing to the surface of his skin and eyes blown wild and wide. Carlos was still tucked away in the crook of his neck, James watching Carlos' ass rise and rut forward and back with each little thrust, his caramel skin such a daring contrast to the cherry red limbs Carlos was lying between.

"Feels good?" Carlos asked and James sucked in a breath, feeling numb, but yet in bliss.

"Y-Yeah," James stuttered and Carlos licked a wet trail up James' throat.

"You're so beautiful, James," Carlos whispered. "If I could spend the rest of my life, exploring your body like my own personal wonderland and loving it more than you ever could, I'd do it." Carlos then glanced up into the mirror across the bed, James seeing how Carlos' cheeks were flushed the same shade as his own skin. "The most gorgeous person I've ever loved," Carlos said, accentuating each word with a stroke of his finger across James' abdomen and a hard thrust to James' prostate. James choked out a moan, nails digging into Carlos' skin and not sure if he was currently leaving marks in the photographer's skin or not.

"H-Harder. H _-Harder please_ ," James whimpered and Carlos captured his lips with his own, strong and rough. Carlos' tongue rolled around with his own, the Latino suddenly beginning to piston his hips back and forth, sliding in and out with such speed and ease and fuckfuckfuck, James' toes were curling and he was finding it hard to keep kissing Carlos and not just throw his head back and scream. He was sure his knuckles were growing white, was sure he could taste a bit of blood on his tongue from biting his lip (or maybe even Carlos') too hard, and he was definitely sure that the tight feeling in his stomach was an orgasm ready to roll through his body like a wave. He tilted his head at an angle, separating his lips from Carlos with a little strand of saliva connecting their mouths as he rested his forehead against Carlos'. He was thrusting fasterfasterfaster, wet and sticky skin to skin slapping echoing in James' ear that used to repulse him but now found it so  _erotic_.

"I-I'm close," James barely breathed, voice high and airy and Carlos breathed hot over his mouth. Carlos' hand snaked in between their hot bodies, James feeling him wrap strong and calloused fingers around his leaking girth. A pathetic whine ripped from James' throat, Carlos' hand warm and tight and his thumb running over to feel in the slit as he tugged. The feeling of that combined with the fact that Carlos still never slowed down in his thrusting, and the man latching his lips onto James once more to swallow every moan and pleasured squeal, made James' mind go blank and vision go black. He shuddered, his teeth gritted hard and he threw his head back, eyes scrunching tight as he felt his orgasm rip through his body and Carlos' name screeched out of his throat.

He felt his own semen spilling out onto his clenching stomach, toes curling tight as he felt his body go limp and slack. "So beautiful," Carlos murmured, still thrusting into James' spent body, still flicking his wrist and milking out the semen down to the last drop. James managed to lift his hands up to drag fingers down the nape of Carlos' neck and down Carlos' spine, running over scratch marks that he  _definitely_ made.

"You close, Litos?" James said, light as air and head still foggy. Carlos didn't respond, only grunted and tucked his face in harder, feeling his thrusts growing more erratic and out of sync. James just listened to Carlos' breathing, waiting until the moment Carlos fisted the teeth and clamped his teeth down on James' pulse point. He felt Carlos quake over him, shuddering James' name into his red skin until Carlos slumped onto his body like he was boneless.

All was quiet, steady breaths exchanged and James still lazily stroking the back of Carlos' neck until the Latino tilted his chin to look into James' eyes. He smiled, James smiled, the two giving a small laugh before Carlos pulled out and rolled the used condom off of his now flaccid member. He slipped off the bed, tossing it into the nearest wastebasket while James struggled to sit up, running a hand through his sweating hair as he stared at his reflection. This had to have been the most unflattering he'd ever looked, not sure if he was embarrassed or ashamed, not sure if the reflection was going to morph into Kendall watching his naked body and hear the blond's once sweet voice hiss dark in his ear like always used to.

"James?" he heard Carlos call out and he looked over, seeing the photographer walk over with a wet towel. He sat down beside the model, wiping off the white substance on James' stomach, shy eyes flickering up every now and then to look at James' face. "Want to stay the night?"

"Were you planning on kicking me out after this?"

"Of course not. Course, now there's more of a reason for you to stay. . .with me."

James averted his eyes, twiddled his fingers as Carlos chuckled. "I still can't believe how I was able to see you like this, something I desperately wanted to see for the longest. . .and now, you never have to worry about Griffin harming you."

"What do you mean?" James asked, fear in his voice as Carlos frowned.

"We're leaving, you and me. I refuse to work for a man that would do something like that to his models, and I'm going to tell Logan about this too. And maybe. . .maybe Kendall should know-"

James grabbed Carlos' hand, eyes wide and afraid.

" _Don't_. Carlos,  _please_ don't say a word to neither of them, I  _can't_ leave-"

"James, we  _need_ to go! I'm not going to stand around and watch Griffin walk around with that sleazy smile of his after knowing what he's done to you and possibly countless other models before!"

"I know," James said softly. "I just. . .I'm just not ready to be on my own."

"You won't be," Carlos said, opening his arms and James smiled. He shifted over, falling into Carlos' grasp and lying down in the bed. "I'll be right there with you, I'll  _always_ be with you. . .if you don't want to go yet. . .then I promise I won't leave you. But I swear James, if I find out you're trying to purge or starve or if Griffin lays a finger on you and makes you feel like you're anything  _less_ than what you really are, we're leaving."

". . .Okay," James murmured, tired. He felt Carlos kiss his locks and James smiled. He missed this so much, this feeling of happiness that he thought he'd never find again.

He missed being in love.


	13. Chapter 13

Two weeks after the discovery of Kendall being a model at Rocque and James' ex boyfriend, things  _really_ began to spiral downwards for Logan. It felt like his body was being pulled in different directions, one tug telling him to just be happy for who he was and to love Kendall like the blond loved him. The other direction was pulling at him that Kendall doesn't really love him, Kendall didn't really  _care_ about him. Wouldn't he had told the truth if he did? Why would he lie to Logan unless he believed that Logan was that insignificant that he should be left out of that part of Kendall's life? Another direction said that Logan would  _never_ be as beautiful as James was, Kendall was just pitying him and was probably  _still_ in love with James. He wasn't tall like James, he wasn't strong and perfectly sculpted like James, he was Logan. Disgusting, pale,  _fat_ Logan.

And the moment the tugs that felt like sharp nails clawing at his skin and his brain and face grew to be too much, Logan had to run to the bathroom and proceed to vomit all that his stomach contained. Strange enough, it made him feel better. But at the same time, it made him feel only worse.

Logan was slumped over the toilet, the shower running to keep Kendall from walking in on him. He was sweaty and exhausted, wishing that all of this would stop. He should have never came out here, he should have just killed himself the moment he found out that boy didn't really love him. At least then he would have been spared of all this pain and sickness. Logan's eyes lazily glanced up to the bathroom counter, at Kendall's new razor kit that Logan bought for him. Would anyone really care if he was gone? Kendall didn't really need him, he could get a job and become that famous rock star that he always wanted to be. Carlos had James, Carlos will always have someone. And James was going to have everything, money and fame and beauty. Logan slumped upwards, fingers delicately sliding the razor off the counter. He took it gingerly in his hands before he smashed it against the toilet seat, the blades falling out onto the floor. He swallowed, body shaking and quaking in fear.

 _Why are you afraid? You're doing everyone a favor. Little Logie, so pathetic. Not like anyone_ _really_ _loves you. Kendall wouldn't lie to you if he really cared, Kendall would have noticed you're pathetic attempts at trying to be gorgeous. He probably only thinks about James,_ _James_ _is perfect. James is who everyone wants, James isn't as fucked in the head like you are. James has Carlos to love, James also has Kendall, face it. Kendall wants_ _him_ _, Kendall wants to help_ _him_ _. Kendall feels sorry for_ _him_ _. You're always going to be alone, why not just seal the_ -

"Logan?" Kendall called out and Logan jumped, his leg accidentally cutting against one of the blades and Logan gave a screaming hiss. The doorknob jiggled and the bathroom door swung open, Logan cursing inside his head how he forgot to lock it and there stood Kendall looking down in confusion. The blond's eyes lingered on Logan's face before they went down to the razor blades on the floor, one of them covered in blood and his eyes widened.

"K-Kendall-" Logan couldn't even get a word out, the blond was already grabbing at his body and yanking him up. Logan hissed again and cried, the pain in his leg horrid and feeling the blood drip down from the open wound. Kendall dragged him out of the bathroom and down the hallway into the bedroom, Logan squirming in the blond's grasp and confused as to what Kendall was doing. He picked Logan up, not caring about the blood getting on his clothes as he dropped Logan onto the bed. Kendall turned briskly without another word, closing the bedroom door shut behind him and Logan nervously swallowed.

He heard the shower turn off, waited quietly for Kendall to do whatever he was doing before he opened the door again with a first aid kit in hand. Kendall walked over to Logan, crouching down in front of him and gingerly taking Logan's injured leg. The brunet bit his lower lip, a dull sting shooting through his leg as Kendall began to clean it, running cotton balls soaked in alcohol over the large cut. Logan looked at Kendall, the blond emotionless and stonefaced. None of them exchanged words and Kendall didn't even look up at him, Logan's fingers shifting and gripping the bedsheet tight.

". . .Why?" Kendall quietly asked and Logan looked at him. "Why. . .why would you want to kill yourself?"

Logan opened his mouth as wide as a fish before he closed it, his throat feeling so sore and in pain. "I-I don't know," he choked out and placed his hands to his face. He could feel himself trembling in such fear, in hate of who he was. "I just can't handle it anymore."

"Don't say that-"

"It's the truth. I'm pathetic, what is the point of me even being here anymore? I'm not good enough, I'll never be good enough. No one will miss me-" Logan's hands were pulled away from his face, Kendall leaning up to kiss him firmly on the lips. Logan closed his eyes and let a tear roll down his cheek before he nibbled along the blond's lips tenderly.

"Am I no one then?" Kendall asked against Logan's mouth and Logan gave a soft shake of his head. "Then I'll miss you, won't I?"

". . .You have James-"

"I don't want  _James_ , I want  _you_ ," Kendall said, Logan could hear the frustration in his voice and the brunet closed his eyes. He hung his head, waiting as Kendall applied a bandage to his leg. "James is in the past, James has Carlos now. I know that James has someone to take care of him already. . .but there's no one to take care of you," Kendall replied and looked up at Logan. "There's no one that will take care of you, will love you, will hold you like I can and I so desperately want to. Logan, I want to be your everything. I want to be your boyfriend, your lover, your pillow to cuddle into when you feel lonely or scared at nights, your pages in your diary where you tell me all your secrets and know that they'll be safe. I want to be your moon and stars like you are my sun, I want to make you happier than I'll ever could be. . .just please, Logan. Please just let me be able to love you for who you are."

Logan's eyes flickered up to Kendall's, feeling the blond gently rub his hand up and down his thigh. Kendall's hand then moved to hold Logan's. "Come on, there's something I want you to see. . .or rather hear."

Logan swallowed, letting Kendall pull him onto his feet and trying to ignore the dull pain in his leg. Kendall pulled him down the hall and into the living room, bright sunlight streaming through the balcony patio as Logan's eyes drifted over to Kendall's guitar. Kendall gently pushed Logan down onto the couch, motioning for the brunet to hold it for a moment and Logan smiled. He watched Kendall rush over to grab his guitar and set it on his knee, digging a pick out of his pocket to hold in his slim fingers. "I want you to just sit there and listen, okay? And when I'm done. . .tell me what you think."

Logan gave a slow nod, watching as Kendall's fingers began to dance over the strings and the fretboard like it was nothing but air. The tone was sweet and smooth, quiet and sensual. It warmed Logan to his core, feeling a blush move over his cheeks as Kendall took in a slow breath and began to sing. "I think about you on a Monday, Tuesday. All through the week I can't even concentrate. All I want is another look at your face~" Kendall drawled out, eyes flickering up to Logan for a quick second with a smile on his lips. Logan bit his lower lip and twiddled his fingers, feeling his cheeks growing even hotter.

"Realize that you got to be with me. . .cause it's not everyday I find somebody like you," Kendall sung, barely above a whisper and strummed his guitar louder and stronger. "You're far from ordinary, typical, usual. How you think, how you dress, you're unpredictable. One look in your eyes and I believe in miracles," Kendall purred, Logan placing a hand to his face. He didn't realize he was smiling, he didn't remember when he started or know how he could be smiling  _this_ hard. "It's not everyday I find somebody like you. Everyday I want to wake to your voice and your smile. Need you everyday, so be my everyday."

Kendall's fingers danced and vibrated the strings, pulling and bending them to and fro. A couple more strums here and there, Logan could hear the music growing softer and quieter as Kendall wound down with one last chord. The sound echoed in the living room, Logan waiting and watching with baited breath. Kendall slapped his hand on the body of the guitar, making Logan jump as the blond gave him a crooked smile. "It's not much but. . .I still wanted to write something about you."

Logan gave a laugh, but barely any sound came from his lips. He looked down, speechless and trying to form a thought. But before he could, he felt his chin being tilted up and lips were gently pressing onto his own. Kendall's other hand wrapped around Logan's waist, gently tilting the brunet down to lie on top of him on the couch. Their lips never separated, Kendall's hands sliding up and down Logan's sides as he deepened it with tongue swirling down to prod and poke at all the warm wet spots that made Logan moan deep in his throat. Kendall's fingers gripped at Logan's shirt, pressing his forehead against Logan's as he breathed hot over the brunet's wet lips. Kendall gave a little lick over Logan's mouth, the twinkle in his bottle green eyes bright and full of love. He placed a hand to Logan's cheek, thumb running over Logan's cheekbone. "You're beautiful. . . _so_ beautiful Logan. Please, just let me love you like I want to. Love your body, your mind, your soul, your  _essence_."

Logan looked up at Kendall, seeing the blond's cheeks were as rosy as his were. Kendall licked his lips, Logan could see the nerves in his eyes beginning to act up and Logan leaned up to meet him halfway. He kissed him, strong but still a little unexperienced. His hand moved to grip Kendall's arm tight the same moment he felt his legs spread and wrap around Kendall's torso. He rose his hips upwards to brush against Kendall's, and at that the blond pulled away. Logan felt his body grow cold, fear creeping into his heart and Kendall must have seen his face change since the blond began to shake his head fast.

"No, no baby, it's not you at all. I  _love_ you. . .but. . .do you want to do this?" Kendall asked quietly, and it took Logan a moment to realize that he could feel the outline of Kendall's erection pressing against his own subtle one. Logan swallowed, eyes flickering down but Kendall tilted his face back up to look at him. "I want to make love to you, Logan. But I don't want you to think that you  _need_ to do this to make me happy or for me to love you any more than I already do. I want you to be comfortable."

". . .I-I want to do this, Kendall. . .I should warn you that I'm probably not as experienced as you are," Logan said with a little weak smile. He knew Kendall had sex with Camille, most likely had sex with James. Logan has had only one person his entire life, and that one person ended up betraying him and making any thought of sex or romance either filthy for the likes of Logan or just too good for Logan to not deserve it. Kendall gently pulled Logan up into a sitting position. "Wait here," Kendall said softly and the blond got up, striding down the hall. Logan rubbed his legs, sucking in a deep breath. To say he was scared would be an understatement, he was terrified. What if the moment they're done and Logan opens his eyes, Kendall would be gone. Run off with someone else that caught his eye, someone more confident and good looking than Logan would ever be.

He raised a hand to his cheek, feeling gently along his cheekbone that seemed to be protruding more than usual. His fingers didn't feel round either, they felt disgustingly thin and boney, yet when Logan looked at them they appeared to be normal. He felt down his throat to his collarbone that was showing through his skin, down his chest and felt his ribcage. He was so small, it felt like he could break from the slightest touch. He was too small, how could-

Kendall walked in, small bottle of lube in his hands and condoms. Logan raised an eyebrow. "When did you get those cause I don't remember buying them," the brunet asked and Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Homeless shelter. Every week a person comes and talks about safe sex and how bad it is for us if we decide to fuck and catch some deadly disease that we have no way of getting medicine for or birthing a child into poverty. I take them all the time, I mean, not like I was fucking anybody ever since. . .well yeah," Kendall muttered and Logan nodded. Don't think about being compared to James, don't think about having to be as adventurous and as good and  _better_  than James in bed. Kendall sat down beside Logan on the couch. "We really don't have to do this, Logan. I'm fine being chaste until you're ready."

"But I  _want_ to do this, Kendall," Logan said, not sure if he sounded even more unsure. Kendall licked his lips, slowly moving in with a sort of awkwardness that the other boy didn't have the night he took Logan's virginity. It calmed Logan a bit, feeling a smile come to his lips as Kendall leaned in and began to kiss down the side of his neck. Kendall let the items fall from his hand as one hand went to cradle the back of his neck while the other slipped under his shirt. Kendall's fingertips were calloused, rough at the nubs but they were so soft and gentle. They ran along Logan's waist, feeling along his lower back and slowly lying the brunet boy down onto the couch cushions. Logan spread his legs, letting Kendall fall in between them and just tried to relax his body into the blond's warmth. Kendall kissed down his collarbone, Logan feeling the material of his shirt being pulled up and off his torso. He squirmed a bit, wriggling out of the clothing and letting it fall to the floor.

Kendall kissed down Logan's chest, blowing little raspberries into his skin that made Logan give a little giggle before a gasp. Kendall's tongue trailed out and licked a wet stripe from one pert nipple to the other. He let his tongue lick around the bud, pulling it in between his teeth before he moved onto the other one and trailed his hands down Logan's sides to hold him by his hips. Logan propped himself onto his elbows, watching with his breath caught in his chest as Kendall tugged at the comfy pair of pajama pants Logan was wearing.

His fingers wrapped around the brim of Logan's underwear, pulling down that material as well as Logan's pants in one swoop and catching the brunet boy off guard. He was left exposed, could feel his body heating into a fearful blush as his hands subconsciously went down to cover his member. Kendall's eyes scanned over Logan's nude body before the blond shook his head. "Even more perfect than I thought you were," Kendall said with a crooked smile, running a finger down the side of Logan's ribcage and over Logan's knuckles. Kendall took Logan's wrist, gently lifting them off Logan and revealing himself before taking Logan's hands to the material of his own shirt. Kendall maneuvered Logan's fingers, making the brunet pull off his shirt and toss it to the side before he dragged Logan's hands down to the waistband of his ripped jeans.

Logan swallowed, finding it in his hands to move them himself as he unbuttoned Kendall's jeans. He pulled them down ever so slightly, Kendall wriggling with the movement to get the material of his jeans bunched around his thighs. Kendall hopped up onto his feet, shimmying out of his jeans and boxer briefs. Kendall kicked the clothing off to the side, crawling back over onto the couch hovering over Logan. "I'm not going to do anything that will make you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay," Logan said quietly and watched as Kendall slunk back, spreading Logan's legs wider and folding the brunet in half. Kendall dragged the tip of his tongue down Logan's shaft, the brunet giving a weak shudder as Kendall licked and nipped up his cock, taking the leaking head into his mouth to swallow down. Logan arched his back, gasping out and feeling Kendall's tongue trace a vein on the underside of his cock, the blond head bobbing up and down with ease nice and slow. Kendall was savoring the taste of every pre-come bud that dripped from Logan's slit, relishing in how Logan's thighs were quivering and quaking from the gentlest of licks to the hardest sucks. Logan's fingers trailed lazily into Kendall's hair, threading through the short locks and gripping tight as he tilted his head back and let his mouth fall open in a pleased moan.

Kendall pulled off of his cock with a pop, trailing his tongue down the shaft once more and over Logan's sac before he pushed Logan's legs up even higher. The brunet gave a little hiss, feeling the pain in his leg again and Kendall's eyes flickered up. "Sorry," Kendall apologized and Logan shook his head from side to side.

"I-It's alright, j-just keep going," Logan stuttered out, barely seeing Kendall's little smirk before the blond dove down and flattened his tongue against Logan's entrance. Logan pulled his lower lip in between his teeth, growling deep in his throat as Kendall licked around his twitching hole. Kendall traced the tip of his tongue around the rim, dipping the tip of it past the ring of muscle and Logan grunted. "K _-Kendall_."

The blond only hummed, thumbs pushing up on Logan's cheeks as he dipped his tongue in back and forth, sealing his lips around the fluttering entrance and making wet noises with his mouth. Logan's hands tightened in Kendall's hair, his nails scraping against Kendall's scalp as he arched his back into the feel. He couldn't remember feeling this good with the other boy, he couldn't remember getting the pleasure instead of giving it. Kendall pulled his tongue away, flattening the broadside of it against Logan's hole once more before he dragged it up Logan's pulsing shaft and over his stomach. Kendall sat up on his knees, reaching over to grab the condom and rip it open as Logan propped onto his elbows.

"U-Um. . .how do you want me?" Logan asked quietly and Kendall's eyes flickered over to him for a second before they went back to watching himself roll on the condom. Logan's eyes were entranced by the sight, feeling himself tighten in his lower stomach and cock give a slight twitch in want.

"How do you like it?"

"I only did it once. . .and it was when I was on my hands and knees facing away from him." The more Logan thought about it, the more he realized his first time wasn't even that romantic at all like he thought. No pleasure on his part, no looking each other in the eye when they made love (or rather  _fucked_ ).

"Did you like it?"

". . .Not really," Logan murmured and Kendall glanced down at Logan's hurt leg.

"Want to ride me?" Kendall ever so bluntly asked and Logan's cheeks flushed red. Kendall's face flushed red too. "I-I mean, not to be dirty or anything just. . .well we can see each other's faces if you're facing forward and you'll be off your leg. Plus, I won't bump into it if we were in missionary."

Logan nodded nervously, looking away as Kendall lied down on the couch and balled his hands into fists. Logan slid over, straddling Kendall's waist as the blond reached over to grab the bottle of lube. He drizzled some over his fingers, reaching his hand back around Logan to press wet pads against Logan's entrance. Logan jumped a bit at the touch and Kendall's other hand ran up and down his side. "It's okay, it's okay. Just relax," Kendall murmured and Logan gave a small nod and swallowed as he felt Kendall gently press up against his hole once again. He tried to relax to the intrusion, Kendall wriggling a finger past the tight ring of muscle. Logan gasped, clutching Kendall's bare shoulders as the blond pushed the finger farther and farther up.

Kendall scraped along his inner walls, his other hand still running up and down his side to get the brunet used to the intrusion. Logan closed his eyes, slumping forward and tucking his face into the crook of Kendall's neck as the blond slipped in a second finger. Logan scrunched his nose tight, breathing harsh and biting on Kendall's collarbone. The blond scissored him rough, stretching him open before stroking and rubbing along the inner walls. Kendall's other hand moved to run fingers down the back of Logan's spine as he inserted a third finger and pushed the three digits up to the second knuckle.

Logan gave a keening whine, the tips of his fingers digging into Kendall's shoulders as the blond pressed up against that bundle of nerves deep inside of him. Kendall rubbed and gently prodded at Logan's prostate before he gave a couple more spreads with his fingers and scraped along smoothly. "Please," Logan breathed, mouth brushing against the side of Kendall's jaw. Kendall hummed, leaning up to kiss Logan's shoulder as he withdrew his fingers from the velvety heat. Logan moaned, sitting back up as Kendall squirted lube into the palm of his hand to cover his own erection. Logan braced himself on Kendall's shoulders, Kendall holding Logan by his hipbone and guiding the brunet downwards.

Logan felt the head of Kendall's cock pressing against his entrance, slick and wet with lube and Logan sucked in a breath. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, he remembered  _this_. The pain of being stretched, and it's been so long since Logan has had sex it felt like he became a virgin all over again. He sucked in a breath and shuddered out a moan, sliding down on the length with quivering thighs and a shaky breath. Once he was fully seated, Kendall ran his hands up Logan's shaking arms. "Breathe, okay?"

Logan nodded his head and looked down into Kendall's eyes. The sunlight from the balcony door behind them seemed to make them sparkle so much more. Like Logan was Kendall's god, his own personal angel to worship and give the heavens too. Kendall gave a little smile, not sexy or enticing or seducing, but warm and caring. Full of love and adoration and kindness to Logan. Like he would never ever want to hurt Logan and would only want to bring a smile to Logan's lips that he always wanted to taste and touch with his own. Logan licked his lips, slowly lifting himself up until only the head of Kendall's cock was sheathed in him before he lowered himself back down shaky and a little bit too fast.

Logan scrunched his eyes and twisted his mouth in slight pain, trying to breathe and loosen up. This wasn't the same like before, when the boy had only waited a few seconds for Logan to adjust before he pounded mercilessly into him without warning. Logan had all the control here, Logan could say yes or no or stop and Kendall would listen to him.

That was all Logan really wanted, for someone to listen to him.

Logan lifted himself up again and lowered, starting to move faster and with more ease. Kendall's hands moved down to hold him by his hips, the blond bracing himself on the couch as Logan began to bounce and ride and rock above him with little 'o-oohs' and 'a-a _ahs_ ' floating from his pink open mouth. Kendall breathed deep and heavy, eyes on Logan's face watching constantly as the brunet tucked his chin in close to his chest and his fingers felt like they were clawing at Kendall's skin.

"It feels so good," Logan breathed, eyes squeezing tight as he felt the tip of Kendall's dick hit  _right_ there. "S- _So good so good, Kendall_ "

"You're so beautiful, baby," Kendall moaned, holding Logan tight and preventing the brunet from moving. Kendall braced his legs upwards and began to thrust, the wet sound of skin on skin slapping sounding through the living room and Logan couldn't help but let out loud moans and wails at the feeling. No doubt Mercedes would be able to hear him through the thin walls next door, no doubt the blonde woman would be gossiping to Jett about this. Logan moaning loud and cheap as that unknown stranger in his apartment fucked him. But Logan's sounds and grunts only made Kendall thrust faster, tongue poking out of the side of his lips. "You even  _sound_ gorgeous, everything about you is so  _beautiful_ Logan," Kendall breathed and Logan choked out a squeak.

Logan slumped forward onto Kendall's body, giving a choked sob into Kendall's skin before Kendall tilted his head back up. "Don't baby, I want to see your face. I want to see  _every_ reaction," Kendall said and firmly kissed Logan. The brunet moaned, Kendall swallowing it down with ease before he moaned right back into Logan's mouth. His hands slid down and groped Logan, spreading his cheeks wider as he rolled and rocked Logan's hips. Logan's hand cradled and held the back of Kendall's sweating neck, watching every fluttering emotion go through Kendall's eyes. If anything  _he_ was the beautiful one, his face a permanent shade of red with eyes blown wide. His blond bangs were sticking to his forehead covered in sweat, the light stubble along his jaw that always fell open to breathe or pant harsh or whisper Logan's name like a sweet prayer.

Kendall's hands slipped in between the two bodies and grabbed hold of Logan's own leaking cock, Logan giving a weak little squeak as Kendall rubbed a calloused thumb over the wet slit. "K-Kendall p _lease~_ " Logan whimpered and Kendall pressed his lips against the tip of Logan's chin.

"You gonna come?" Kendall breathed, hot and wet and  _god_ , Logan was absolutely  _shaking_.

"U-Uh huh," Logan sobbed, feeling his thighs quake and the tightness in his lower stomach. Kendall gave his cock a squeeze and Logan's hands flew over to cover his mouth. He can't, he can't scream Kendall's name like his vocal chords so desperately want to screech. He would be given away, Mercedes would hear and no doubt it will spread through the building. To Jett and Camille. . .maybe even Griffin. But Kendall's hand was so quick and flitting and his thrusts were starting to get harder and more erratic, Logan could feel his hands growing weak from just trying to hold it in.

"Come on. I want to hear you scream it. I want everyone in this entire building to know who wants to bring you pleasure and love you down from head to toe, who wants to make those beautiful brown eyes of yours roll into the back of your head, who wants to worship every single inch of this body-" Logan threw his head back, his mouth falling open and his hands spasmed. The breath he was about to take caught in his chest and he gave a scream loud enough he was sure that all of New York could hear him.

" _KEN_ _DALL!_ " Logan screeched, orgasm ripping through his body stronger than he had ever experienced. His toes curled and he bit his lip so hard he was sure he could taste blood on his tongue and for a few moments, everything around him went black. Sweet bliss rolled over Logan's body, shuddering as he felt Kendall milk out the last few little drops of semen left in his softening length before the brunet slumped over Kendall's body, meek and boneless. He heard Kendall grunt in his ear, the thrusts stopping and feeling Kendall's length slip out from inside of him before hearing the blond growl out Logan's name in a loud shout.

All was quiet, no words exchanged as the two slowly tried to come down from their highs. Logan could hear the strong beating of his brain, or maybe it was his heart. Or maybe it was Kendall's heart, the blond's chest rising and falling in a desperate attempt to catch his breath. Kendall breathed, Logan slowly propping himself back up and looking down at the mess on his and Kendall's stomach. He ran his fingers through the white fluid, making a crinkled nose at the sticky substance and heard Kendall laugh.

"It's yours, so why are you grossed out?"

"Just. . .I never remembered it feeling like this," Logan said softly and Kendall nodded, moving Logan off of his body. The pain in his leg was mostly gone but now the pain in Logan's backside began. He gave a little groan and Kendall rubbed his shoulder.

"Don't move, I'll go get some medicine and some towels so we can clean up," Kendall replied, rolling off his used condom as he got up and walked down the hall towards the bathroom. The moment the blond disappeared, the phone began to ring and Logan froze in fear. Surely that can't be Mercedes calling about 'disturbances' or some other model complaining to Mr. Bitters about the sudden inappropriate noises coming from Logan's apartment. He gave a nervous little swallow, scared and worried as he reached over and picked the phone up from the coffee table.

"H-Hello?"

" _Logan?_ " It was Griffin, but that didn't mean Logan calmed so easily. He gave a little laugh.

"Oh yes, it's me. Good afternoon, sir."

" _It's very good. I actually would like it if you could come over to the office for a little. . .one to one chat about you and the fashion show_."

Logan looked over his shoulder down the hall before he turned back around.

"Uh, can I come in tomorrow? I have a guest staying over and-"

" _They'll understand if you need to go for a couple of minutes. This is important, Logan. I can't have you putting aside important things that I ask of you because of something trivial like a_ _guest_ _. . .unless of course, you don't really care about the important side of modeling_."

"I-I do sir! I'll. . .I'll be over there in a moment," Logan said and heard the man chuckle. It was soft, sweet. . .desiring.

" _I can't wait_ ," he breathed and before Logan could even think more on the sudden change in the CEO's tone, Griffin hung up. Logan swallowed, placing the phone on the table before he braced himself on his hands. He pushed himself onto his feet, wobbling a little bit before he caught his balance. He huffed, slowly shuffling around the couch and down the hallway towards the bedroom. Kendall stepped out of the bathroom just as Logan was passing, the blond looking over at him confused as he handed Logan a wet towel.

"Are you sure you should be up like that? I was hoping we could maybe take a proper bath and cuddle," Kendall replied and Logan looked at him sorry before wiping himself off.

"I need to go down to Rocque  _really_ fast. But we can-"

"Why do you need to go down there?" Kendall asked, dark tone in his voice and Logan frowned.

"Griffin wants to talk to me about the photoshoot-"

"I can't believe after everything I told you about Griffin and Rocque you  _still_ want to be one of his Barbies. I don't freaking understand-"

"I came out here to do this, okay?! It may have been for all the wrong reasons but it's not like I have another option! Where else am I supposed to go, Kendall?" Logan asked and Kendall pursed his lips. Logan gave a huff and shuffled down to the bedroom, quickly grabbing a pair of underwear to slip on his frame.

"California," Kendall said from the doorway and Logan turned, grabbing a shirt to put on as he stared at Kendall's still naked figure. "I was. . .I was thinking maybe you and me should go to California. Like, there's modeling companies there. And producers that could hear me sing and I could sign a record deal and start contributing with the money. We could start a new life together, the both of us happy without having to worry about Griffin or James or  _anyone_ ever again. . .wouldn't you like that?" Kendall asked softly and Logan looked away, pulling on some cargo shorts.

"I. . .I don't know. . .I might be finally getting my ticket into the winter fashion show and who knows what will happen after that-" Kendall looked away and gave a smile.

"Why is it whenever I want to go somewhere with someone, they always find something else better to do?" Kendall asked and Logan frowned.

"It isn't like that."

"Yes it is."

"I just don't know yet, okay?! Just. . .let me go talk to Griffin and see what he's proposing. If it's nothing that I want to get into, losing more weight or something like that, then I'll forget it and we can go to California. . .but you need to realize that I want to be happy doing this too, Kendall. You can't guilt trip me over what happened between you and James. . .I'm getting better, I promise."

Kendall gave him a wary look as Logan approached and gave Kendall a soft kiss to his lips. Kendall hummed against them, holding Logan flush against his body before the brunet pulled away. "I promise. . .we both can be happy together, okay?"

". . .You better see what he wants," Kendall muttered and Logan smiled. He gave one last peck to Kendall's lips before a playful slap to Kendall's behind. The blond jumped, smiling devilishly at the brunet and slapping him on the butt as well. Logan laughed, briskly walking into the living room to grab his shoes. Things were different when he made love with Kendall, different from that boy that now seemed like a distant memory to Logan, all shades of grey when Kendall was a vibrant burst of color in Logan's life. Things will be different with him and Kendall, he and Kendall will find a way to be happier together. He and Kendall won't be like what happened with Kendall and James.

He's not like James. He was going to be happy.

He was going to be just fine.

* * *

Logan never been to Griffin's office before, heart thudding with excitement and nerves. He didn't know if he was scared or happy or both, not passing by any models on the way over either. Logan arrived to the receptionist's desk, the woman just getting ready to pack up and go before.

"Um, excuse me?" Logan said and the woman looked up, giving his body a good scan over. She smiled, haughty and cruel.

"Let me guess, here to see Mr. Griffin?" she asked and Logan nodded, feeling himself sweat. "He's been waiting for you. Just go on inside, you two won't be disturbed."

Logan didn't know why it should be a problem if they  _were_ disturbed but did as he was told. He tried not to look back into her face, her lips smiling a knowing smile and her eyes labeling Logan as 'pathetic'. He was better than that, he had Kendall, he had Carlos. He knew he was better and  _no one_ was going to make him feel worthless again.

Logan stepped inside, Griffin looking up from the papers on his desk and gave Logan a smile. It wasn't warm and welcoming, it was hungry and lusting and Logan felt himself grow cold. The CEO leaned back, his eyes drifting over Logan's body from head to toe only once before he gestured to the chair centered right in front of his desk.

"Take a seat, we're going to be in here for a  _while_."


	14. Chapter 14

Logan swallowed, his brain beating hard and his palms growing embarrassingly sweaty. Griffin leaned back in his chair, smiling devilishly at Logan and twiddled his fingers.

"So how is the weight loss going? Are you ready for the fashion show?" Griffin asked with a big smile and Logan gave a weak croak in his throat.

"M-Mr. Griffin, I'm sorry but I. . .I just need more time-"

"Your time is up. I hope you don't expect me to stop with the show just because  _you_ can't get yourself together," Griffin said coldly and Logan swallowed.

"Please, Mr. Griffin. I just need time to lose weight properly. I've been starving myself and vomiting and it's just not healthy anymore for me to do that," Logan confessed, eyes pleading and worried. "I've been sick and miserable and. . .please, Mr. Griffin I  _promise_ that I'll be skinny enough for the show just-"

"I don't care."

It felt like the wind was knocked out of Logan's chest, staring at his boss with a shocked expression on his lips. Griffin leaned back in his chair, folding his hands underneath his chin. "I expect my models to do whatever it takes in order to maintain the perfect image that Rocque has set out. And if that means you skip a meal or have to vomit, then  _do it_."

"You can't be serious!" Logan exclaimed and Griffin gave a shrug.

"There's also surgery-"

"I'm  _not_ doing surgery," Logan hissed and Griffin gave a smile.

"Then maybe I shouldn't waste my time with you anymore. To be honest, I was holding hope that maybe you would pull through and become one of my greatest models. But if you can't do something so simple as having a little plastic surgery or skipping meals, why should I keep your contract?" Griffin asked and Logan felt his heart stopping. He can't, after everything that's happened to Logan, after all that he's went through, he just  _can't_ drop him like this! Make Logan feel like he wasn't good enough, Logan  _was_ good enough. Why wasn't Logan ever good enough for people, why can't people be happy just because he was  _Logan_  and not some skinny model, some amazing lover, just someone else other than who he was.

"Mr. Griffin, I promise you that I can do this. Just  _please_ give me a chance," Logan plead and Griffin hummed. He stood onto his feet, sticking hands into his pockets as he strolled around his desk. He walked behind Logan's chair, letting his fingertips drag over Logan's shoulder and up his neck. Logan flinched away, looking at the CEO confused as Griffin gave him a smile.

"I'm sure there's  _something_ you can do," Griffin purred, a disgusted chill crawling up Logan's spine from the tone. Griffin moved his hand down Logan's arm, rubbing at the back of Logan's hand and Logan pulled it away.

"Mr. Griffin, I think I should leave," Logan said briskly, rushing to get up but Griffin immediately grabbed hold of him and pulled him flush to his body. Logan squirmed and screamed, Griffin pushing Logan up against his desk and folded the brunet over the wood. Logan could feel Griffin's erection pressing against his own flaccid length, looking up into Griffin's icy and lusting eyes.

"Come now, I'm sure that maybe if you do this little favor for me, I'll give you a chance. Think of it as. . .redeeming yourself," Griffin breathed, dragging his hand down Logan's squirming side and slipped his hand underneath the material of Logan's shirt. "Allow me to see just how  _good_ your body is for  _me_."

Griffin leaned down, letting his lips brush against Logan's neck and Logan groaned. He twisted his head and kicked his legs out, hitting Griffin in the thighs and managed to shove the man off of him for a short time. Logan rolled off the desk, eyes darting in between looking at the door and at Griffin. The CEO laughed, undoing his tie as his eyes followed Logan around the room. "Going to try and leave? Fine then, I could fire you and get a better model for my show. One that's more cooperative. . .matter of fact, I'll get rid of you  _and_ James."

Logan's eyes widened as Griffin cocked his head to the side, letting his tie fall to the ground as he undid the first couple of buttons on his shirt. "James hasn't been pulling his weight in the company as of lately. I don't know why I allowed such slackers like you and him to go by so far without some sort of punishment and now you've let me seen the light."

"He's been just as sick as I am, don't take out your anger on him!"

"I can do whatever I please because as far as modeling for me goes, I  _own_ you. . .so what's it going to be, Logan? You can do this one simple, pleasurable thing for me and I'll let you and James stay." Griffin walked forward, pulling Logan against him by his hips and leaned down to let his lips brush against his ear. "I'll make sure that you're the star of the show, Logan. All of the glamorous clothing will be yours, first one to open and close, your name in lights and your face on every single magazine cover in Europe and the Americas. Loved by everyone that sees your face, people wanting to be you, people  _desperate_ to be you. . .just as long as you do this."

". . .I-I can't," Logan whispered and Griffin chuckled, pushing Logan up against the wall and grabbed hold of his wrists. Logan twisted in his grasp, letting out a scream that was silenced from Griffin sealing his mouth over Logan's. A deep feeling of disgust came over Logan, sickness and bile threatening to bubble from his stomach as he tried to worm his way out of the tight hold Griffin had over him. The CEO pinned his hands above Logan's head, digging his face into Logan's neck to lick and bite at the pulse point and Logan tried to let out another scream but Griffin rutted his hips against Logan's.

"Scream if you want, but no one is going to come and help. They know not to disturb me when I'm reevaluating a model's contract," Griffin purred and Logan's eyes almost popped out of his head. Griffin's done this before, with countless other models. His mind flickered to James and the look of fear the model had when he talked about Griffin, when Griffin touched him and looked at him and he instantly felt dread. Griffin was raping James along with other models just to keep their jobs, a tear slipped from his eyes as he felt Griffin breathe harsh over his skin, grinding and rubbing against him filthy. Logan closed his eyes, begging and pleading that this will be over. He should have listened to Kendall the moment he said not to go, he should have taken the blond's proposal to California the moment he asked the question, he should have never came to New York.

He should have never wished to be someone else that wasn't him.

Logan's eyes flew open at the sound of Griffin's door being opened, and the CEO was yanked off of Logan in a heartbeat. Logan was pulled into someone's grasp, lean and skinny and as he looked up, he saw Kendall with eyes glaring dark at Griffin currently leaning up against his desk. Logan buried his face into Kendall's chest, breathing in a sob of fright and happiness that he was safe but heard Griffin give a dark little chuckle.

"Well well, how nice to see you again, Kendall. Still looking handsome and defiant as ever," Griffin said and Kendall growled.

"What do you think you were doing to him?" Kendall hissed, Logan looking away to see Griffin give a sad sigh and button up his shirt.

"Well I was giving Logan an ultimatum. Give me what I want so I'll give him what he wants, or he's fired. And since you intruded, I think I'll go along with firing him," Griffin said with a grin and then turned to look down at Logan. His eyes didn't even seem human, dark and animalistic with a cold glint. "To tell you the truth, I  _never_ thought you were good enough for my company. You're still the same weak, pale and pathetic boy that left from Texas. But I thought that you would be stupid and gullible enough to sleep with me, so I kept you around just waiting until the moment you could crack and become desperate."

"You're fucking sick," Kendall said through gritted teeth, pulling Logan towards the door with arms firmly wrapped around his shoulders and torso. Logan clutched onto Kendall's shirt, taking in a deep breath that this was over. He was going to leave with Kendall to California as soon as possible, never again was he going to-

"I think it's rather smart of me. It's what gets your ex squirming under my thumb eager to please me so I don't fire him."

Kendall stopped immediately, Logan feeling his hands sliding away to hold him as Kendall turned to look at Griffin with a wild look into his eyes. Logan grabbed onto Kendall's arm. "Please Kendall, don't-"

"What did you say?" Kendall asked, pulling himself away from Logan with his hands balled into fists and Griffin smiled.

"You can have Logan if you want. I'll just call James up to my office and threaten to drop his contract, that's always enough for him to beg and plead and bend over my desk for me to fuck him." Griffin breathed contently and grinned. "Hearing him moaning and panting my name instead of yours, feeling how  _warm_ and  _tight_ -"

_WHAM!_

Kendall sent a fist right into Griffin's face, knocking the CEO to the ground as Kendall crawled on top, repeatedly slamming his growing bloody fist down. Logan screamed, quickly running to grab Kendall and yank him off of the man. "Kendall stop! Stop! Let's just go,  _please!_ "

Kendall struggled in Logan's grasp, giving a kick to Griffin's side before Logan managed to pull him fully away and out of the office. Kendall was breathing harshly, eyes filled with a rage and disgust that Logan had never seen before. Kendall pushed the elevator button, leaving a wet blood print on the white button and the elevator dinged. The blond tugged Logan inside, jabbing at the lobby button forceful and angry. "I don't fucking care if you never work another day in your life, you're not staying here.  _Neither of us_ are staying here. We're going to California-"

"Okay," Logan said quietly and Kendall looked down at him. The bottle green eyes were frightening, but Logan could see how scared and frightened they were as well. Hurt at the thought that he couldn't protect James, that he  _barely_ protected Logan from Griffin's clutches. Kendall pulled Logan into his arms and Logan once again buried his face into Kendall's chest, closing his eyes and allowing this moment to just happen. Kendall dragged his fingers through Logan's hair, scraping the tips of his fingers against Logan's scalp.

"Everything's going to be alright. He's not ever going to touch you again," Kendall whispered and Logan looked up at Kendall. The blond leaned down, giving a soft kiss that felt like he was trying to take away what Griffin forced onto him. The feelings of self-hate, the feelings of not being worthy for scum like the CEO. And it was then that Logan could simply melt in Kendall's hold, clinging onto the front of shirt. Logan pulled back and rested his cheek against Kendall's chest once more, the elevator dinging to let them know they had reached the lobby. Everything is going to be alright, everything is going to be alright.

The moment the elevator doors opened, Logan felt strong hands grab at him roughly and he turned, seeing security guards yanking him and Kendall out with Griffin standing in the background watching with a smile. Not only Griffin, but other models and photographers standing there watching in shock, Logan could see Carlos and James standing together looking with worried eyes and sick expressions. Mercedes and Jett were smirking, smug and Logan felt nothing but anger at them. For all he knew, they could have been working along with Griffin to send models to their perverted CEO.

"Let me go!" Kendall shouted, the security guards roughly yanking him towards the door and Griffin grinned.

"Have him taken to the police, I'm charging him with assault," Griffin said and Logan gritted his teeth.

"Charge him with assault? How about I charge  _you_ for trying to rape me?!" Logan accused. He noticed how some of the models' faces paled with fear and surprise, Logan wondering if they were some of Griffin's victims and the man laughed.

"Please, you can't touch me."

"Well you better believe I'm going to try. You're disgusting, forcing all of your models to either have sex with you or lose their jobs. Not only that, but you make all of us feel like shit if we don't look like some person that _doesn't exist_. Nobody looks like that perfect, skinny image you keep shoving down our throats and I accepted that I'll never look like that." Logan took in a breath. "And I'm okay with that. Matter of fact, I feel  _great_  that I'll never have to worry about starving myself or vomiting or doing some other sick way just to please  _you_. I'm not going to change myself into something that you're only interested in fucking, I'm only going to change myself into something that's good for  _me_."

Griffin raised his hands and gave a slow clap, Logan wanting to punch the man once again as Griffin laughed. "Bravo, Logan! That was an excellent speech! But you're still fired, I'm still going to sue Kendall and make sure he is behind bars  _and_ I'm not going to lose."

Carlos pushed through the crowd, moving to stand by Logan with a dark glare in his eyes aimed at Griffin. "Yes, you will," Carlos said, eyes glancing over to James for a split second before returning to Griffin's face. The CEO hummed, giving a nonchalant shrug.

"It's no concern to fire you as well, Mr. Garcia. There have been countless other photographers before you, just like they will be after you're gone."

"Then fire me too." Logan's eyes flickered over to see James slowly walking to them, his head high. He moved to Carlos, reaching out to hold his hand before he looked at Griffin. "I'm not staying here any longer, I should have left when I was warned the first time," James said and gave a sorry look towards Kendall. There was a flickering over Griffin's face, of slight breaking that was quickly covered up and he quickly cleared his throat.

"You're replaceable, you're  _nothing_. Good luck to the three of you for throwing out your only chances at a career!" Griffin yelled and Logan huffed. But to his surprise,  _another_ model stepped forward. She was skinny and meek, with long blond hair and big brown eyes looking scared, but determined. She stood beside James.

"I-I'm leaving too," she said, voice a quiet squeak as James wrapped an arm around her, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. More models and photographers began to step forward, Griffin's eyes darting around confused and shocked at the sight. Logan could only feel his heart beating fast and anxious, a feeling that he wasn't alone. That there  _were_ people that felt just like he did, pressured to be someone they weren't. It warmed Logan's skin, a smile coming to his face the more people came to stand by his side until there were only a few models and photographers still with Griffin. They still looked afraid, Jett and Mercedes were looking smug and disgusted at the sight before Griffin shook his head.

"You think you can scare me? Fine then, I won't press charges against your little friend. I'm the fourth most powerful CEO on the planet, nothing some prissy little models and tacky photographers could do to me," Griffin hissed and Logan shook his head himself.

"Just you wait, Griffin. You're going to get what's coming to you. . .come on, let's go," Logan muttered, turning on his heel to walk out the door. James and Carlos did the same, some of the other models shouting out that they  _will_ make sure to press charges and hisses and threats, while the security guards released their hold on Kendall and let the blond quickly rush over to the three. Kendall looked down at Logan, then at Carlos and finally at James, eyes holding so much sadness and almost begging to be forgiven. James only gave Kendall a weak smile before he looked down at Carlos, reaching out for his hand to hold. Carlos took it, bringing his hand up to his lips to kiss. Carlos looked over at Logan and Kendall, giving a sigh.

"So. . .let's start packing."

* * *

It was halfway down the street when the four split up into two, with James and Kendall walking a bit ahead of Logan and Carlos. Logan didn't say anything about it, biting his lower lip as he heard quiet mumbling occurring between the two. He looked over to Carlos, Carlos watching them closely as well, before the photographer turned to him and gave a little smile.

"It's okay. . .just let them patch things up. . .Griffin screwed us all over so I think it's best if they finally got the chance to talk," Carlos said and Logan gave a slow nod. He understood that, he respected it. Carlos sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Well, guess that means I should probably move back to California. No doubt Griffin will do whatever it takes to make sure that I don't get hired in this town again. . .do you think I should ask James to come with me?"

Logan gave a little chuckle, Carlos quirking an eyebrow in confusion. "Just," Logan began to explain, "Kendall and I are going to California too. So he can get started on his music career and he wants to make sure that I'm not anywhere  _near_ Griffin. So James shouldn't be left out, don't you think?"

Carlos nodded, small blush on his cheeks. "That means me and him are going to move in together. We share the same bed and cook each other dinner-"

"Like a married couple," Logan said with a grin and Carlos blushed, though a smile came to his lips at the sound of that.

"Yeah. . .would love to get on one knee and marry him someday," Carlos said, dreamfelt and Logan smiled. He looked forward, seeing that James and Kendall were looking over their shoulders at them and smiling. Kendall crooked his finger to Logan and the smaller brunet smiled. Logan hurried over and squeezed himself in between the two taller men, Carlos moving onto the other side of James as the couples linked hands.

"So me and James talked things over," Kendall started, eyes flickering over to James. "And now we're friends."

"Me and Carlos talked things over," Logan said and gave a smile in the photographer's direction. "And we agreed that we're  _all_ going to California."

"All of us? California?" James asked and Carlos gave a nervous little cough.

"I-I mean, surely there's modeling companies in California for you to show your beautiful face to. Plus, you don't have to get your own place if you don't have enough money. Y-You and I could live together and stuff, course you don't  _have_ to if you don't want to but-"

"I'd love to, Carlos," James said softly and Carlos gave the biggest smile, like James was the sun shining down on his perfect little world. Logan looked to Kendall, holding the blond's hand tighter and tighter with each step. With each thud of his heart, he felt like his world was growing a lot brighter.

With Kendall by his side, everything was growing so much more beautiful.

* * *

_Three months later_

* * *

"It's  _beautiful_."

Carlos beamed, tucking away the box in his pocket. "You think he'll love it?"

"You're going to propose to him, who  _wouldn't_ love that?" Kendall asked, arm thrown around the back of Logan's chair. The three of them were seated around a dinner table, waiting for the last guest to arrive for a nice dinner by the Oceanside. Course, James was expected to come late anyways. His therapy sessions ran long, but if he was getting the help he needed, then none of them had a problem with it. Kendall rubbed Logan's shoulder, taking a sip of the wine as Carlos bounced his knee.

"I hope he gets here soon, I want to know what his reaction will be now," Carlos said with an eager grin and Logan gave a gentle bump to Kendall's arm.

"Don't forget, we're celebrating Kendall's record deal  _and_ James finishing up therapy along with your little secret proposal. At least wait until dessert to pop the question to him," Logan said with a grin and Carlos nodded his head, turning it eagerly to search for his lover. Logan knew the moment that Carlos' eyes immediately became brighter and he jumped to his feet, James must have arrived. Logan and Kendall turned, seeing James being escorted over to their table by the waitress carrying the appetizers. The brunet had his coat open, dressed in the finest clothes that Stone had designed and went to Carlos' awaiting and open arms to give the shorter man a kiss.

"Miss me?" he asked Carlos in a rather teasing voice and Kendall snorted.

"Like a puppy," Kendall said and Carlos blushed, shooting Kendall a look as James laughed and gave Carlos another quick peck on the lips. They sat down, the waitress setting down the hot plate of steamed clams and stuffed mushrooms with a cheese sauce, the strips of fried zucchini and beef ravioli along with breadsticks in front of them.

"Let me know when you're ready to order your main courses, I'll be back with more wine and champagne," she said with a grin and quickly walked over to attend to the other patrons. Logan smiled, grabbing a couple of mushrooms and breadsticks with sauce to place on his plate and Kendall chuckled.

"You're not supposed to get full off of the appetizer, darling."

"Not going to, but I  _am_ starving," Logan said, relishing the taste of butter and garlic spices that hit his tongue the moment he bit into the fresh bread.

"The agency has all of us working overtime to get this photoshoot done in time for the catalogue," Carlos said, cutting up some zucchini to stick in his mouth. "Course, nothing to worry about. James and Logan's photos are coming along  _perfectly_ , the catalogue is going to be pretty much made up of just you two."

"Don't be silly, there are more models at Stone than just us two," James said, wiping some of the cheese sauce from the corner of his mouth. "Though, I'm excited for the spring fashion show. Stephanie said that it's going to be outside for this year and the flowers will all be in bloom. It's going to be  _beautiful_."

"Not as beautiful as you," Carlos said with a coo and James smiled, his cheeks growing rosy red. Carlos began to bounce his knee again, Logan knowing that the anxiety and eagerness of proposing to James was starting to eat at the back of Carlos' mind. He turned to Kendall, the blond having the same thought as he did and cleared his throat.

"Excuse us, we'll just be getting some fresh air," Kendall said, getting up and pulling Logan to his feet as well. James quirked an eyebrow, Logan seeing Carlos give a subtle 'thanks' with his eyes.

"Why are you guys leaving? We haven't even ordered our main meals," James said and Kendall gave a little wave of his hand.

"We'll be back in time for her to take our orders. And if not, you can just go and fetch us. We'll be out on the patio," Kendall said, wrapping an arm around Logan's waist. Logan gave a wave to James and a wink to Carlos that James didn't catch, wrapping his arm around Kendall's torso as well. The blond guided Logan around the large tables and past the people dining and chatting loudly. They slipped out one of the side doors, the night air ghosting over Logan's face as they stepped out onto the patio. Kendall released his hold on Logan, moving to lean up against the rail.

The light from the moon above and the golden glow from the restaurant made Kendall seem like he was glowing, the contours of his face outlined perfectly and made him seem more beautiful than Logan ever had seen. Almost like such a thing as him couldn't exist, and the moment Logan blinked or chose to look away, Kendall would disappear. So Logan stared, watching how sparkling bright Kendall's eyes were when the lights hit his face just right. They looked like emeralds, perfectly cut and Logan's personal treasure. Kendall gave a glance in the brunet's direction and opened his arms, his hands gesturing for Logan to come close.

Logan obliged and stepped into Kendall's embrace, the blond smelling of honey and ginseng tea with just a little hint of chardonnay and dark wine. He turned the both of them towards the city, Los Angeles' lights off in the distance for them to marvel at. Logan felt Kendall trace little shapes in between his shoulder blades as he hummed. "Things really changed in three months, haven't they?" Kendall asked and Logan closed his eyes. He didn't even want to imagine what life had been like three months ago, they always get their reminder from the news reports on the scandals in Rocque and Griffin failing to uphold his good name.

Logan only turned his cheek more into Kendall's chest, like he was already telling the blond to change the subject and Kendall only hummed once more. "You think you can get your boss to play one of my songs when you're strutting down the runway?"

Logan laughed, pulling away to lean up and give a kiss to Kendall's lips. Kendall pressed hard against Logan's mouth, holding the brunet by his hips as Logan clutched onto Kendall's biceps. Logan pulled back only just a bit, mouths centimeters apart as Kendall gave a little breath. "Is that a no?"

Another kiss was given, more movement and more tongue with Logan's grasp going to wrap arms around Kendall's neck and stand on the tip top of his toes. He felt Kendall laugh into the kiss, dragging his teeth over Logan's bottom lip as he pulled away once more. "A yes?"

Logan quirked a smile, hands moving to muse up Kendall's neatly done blond hair as he gave a kiss that was soft and gentle but filled with so much need and desire. So much love and gratitude for Kendall, the want to make the blond just as happy as the blond made him. And there was no fear that Logan wasn't good enough for Kendall, because he was all Kendall wanted and Kendall was all Logan could ever ask. Logan's feet left the ground, Kendall lifting him up and slowly twirled him around in a tiny circle before slowly setting him back down as their lips pulled away with a quiet 'pop'.

"It's a definitely," Logan whispered and Kendall smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"I love you  _most_ ," Kendall said, resting his forehead against Logan's and the two closed their eyes. The cool whistling of the wind blew in Logan's ear, rocking in Kendall's arms from side to side in their quiet and little dance. Taking in all of each other's essence and presence, enjoying the simple beauty that was right in within their touch to explore and admire for as long as time will allow it.

Logan was shaken from his thoughts, however, from a loud shout behind him. He and Kendall turned, seeing James running to them with the biggest smile on his face and a hand raised to show the gorgeous white gold band around his ring finger.

"Carlos proposed to me! Carlos and I are getting married! Carlos and I are going to be a cute little married couple and-" James placed his hands to his face, like the words weren't coming out and he needed to squeeze his head to get out every single detailed emotion on what he was feeling right now. Kendall smiled and gave James a hug.

"Congratulations. We're going to be your best men, right?" Kendall asked and James nodded, turning to take Logan's hands.

"We can ask Stephanie about being a bridesmaid. And Jo and Candy- Lucy! Do you think she could design some of our clothes, the dresses and the suits?! It could be something we all can model for the company, it would work perfectly! And a cake and we need to find the venue-"

"Why don't we all talk about this with Carlos inside, no doubt he wants to get started planning too," Logan said and James nodded eagerly, looking down at his hand that wore the ring and gave a sigh that sounded like heaven. Kendall gave James a gentle nudge inside, looking down to Logan and grinned. Logan did the same, letting his hand go down to hold Kendall's and felt the blond rub his thumb over Logan's ring finger.

Logan let a sigh fall from his lips, if he was blessed to forever dwell in this state of perfection and comfort with Kendall at his side that would be the most beautiful thing to ever grace his life.

_The End_


End file.
